When ducks talk to chickens...

....they end up like this.

This is what happens when people with accounting qualifications talk to their IT counterparts. I don't get what you are explaining. You don't understand what I want. So how?

So, they shall just continue being ducks and chickens.

Now who are the ducks and who are the chickens?

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Clouded...

You have been wrong. The heart is not hardened. It’s always been delicate. It will always be. I am still not right. I’m sorry D, I can’t be strong. Certain things are much easier said than done. “Always think on the bright side”. “Choose to live happy” etc etc. They don’t seem to take any effects.

I am still clouded. Maybe you are fed up of this. So I suggest you stop reading further. I lay in bed each night, thinking , “Was it right to do what I did?” “Was it right to withhold something that I should do?” “Was it right to feel what I felt?” “Was it right to say the words I said?” “Was it right to not say the words that should have been said?” Guilty on all sides. Regretful of which ever action taken. The more I think, the more confused I got. The more I try to rationalize, the more mixed up I become.

I do things that I'm not too sure if it's right. Along the way, I messed up. People got hurt. People got disappointed. People changed their impressions of me. I didn't know where to say "I'm sorry". I let it be. Hoping that they would understand. Hoping that they would understand the lost soul in me. But it doesn't work that way anymore. I left wounds unattended. It usually swells. And the pain grows even more.

There are hundreds of times when I so feel like buzzing someone to spill. I needed someone to talk to. But my girl is all the way in London. The rest...would they understand? Would they get what I am going through? Would they be able tell me what to do? I wish that something would just knock me hard on the head so that I can erase all these stupid crap from me. Or knock me hard enough so that I don’t have to wake up to deal with all of them.

Do me a little favour. Look at me. Tell me what you see in return.

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"Swelling" not subsided

I messaged Lin jie at 3 this morning. Surprisingly, she replied me. She called back today asking if anything was wrong. Yes. Everything seems to be wrong. I didn't know where to start. I didn't know what to tell her. I don't feel all right. I've not been all right ever since Michelle left a week ago. Everything doesn't seem to be going well after that. I needed people to talk to. I needed to see someone. I'm still stuck here, nowhere. Doing....nothing. I don't know what I'm doing. My mind has been clouded with so many thoughts. So many confusing thoughts.

I look around. I see people. I don't see people. I hear people. I don't hear people. I absorbed the neccesary to get me going everyday and allow the rest of me to drift away in thoughts of nothing. I'm like floating. Floating....floating...

It's getting harder to breathe. It's getting harder to see. It's getting harder to think straight. I'm not well. Mentally not well....
Emotionally unstable....

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Out in the open sea

As the night turned still, as the lights dimmed, with only the sounds of the ceiling fan and the music playing from the laptop, I sank into deep thoughts. Wondering why is everything the way it is. Were they all laid out? Can there be anything different?

Look at the time. My MSN buddies keep pushing me to bed. I want to sleep it all away too. To lay in some dream where everything seemed to be perfect. But I'm not asking for a perfect life. I'm just asking for certain needs of mine to be satisfied. Is that so much to ask?

Life is damn difficult. What ever you do, surely something will go wrong. Something to feel guilty about. If I do this, others might think the negative of me. If I don't do it, I'll regret for not following my heart.

Swimming in the open sea.
With no sight of land.
Exhausted.
Waiting for that life boat that might never come.
Waiting....
Waiting....
Waiting....
Time to stop swimming....

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"A whole new world"

A week has past. And I longed to jump back on that plane that flew me all the way to Disneyland. Man, I couldn't get my mind off that wagging Pluto. It's just so adorable!




The trip was, well, sort of came in a rush. We felt like taking a break. We got tired of local places of interests. Hong Kong seems to be the place that we could afford. So, we set a date and off we went. Mana tau, a typhoon hit the island. And we nearly got blown away. Nah...we just got to experience real strong wind. And the fear that comes with it. Something you couldn't get here.

I'd never walked so much. I'd never rode on MTR that many times. I'd never ran in the rain all day. I'd never posed so many times to get that perfect shot. I'd never been woken up so many times due to someone's unattended alarm. My trip had been dead tiring.

Even then, one week is definitely not enough. I didn't get to go to Ocean Park. I still want to hang around Disneyland. I've not tried few local delicacies. I'm not done with the shoppings. Alot more pictures which we didn't snap. So many things that we didn't do! Another round people?

I believe pictures are worth a thousand words. Here's our story:

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