Loving Starbucks

Not Coffee Bean. Not San Fran. Not Dome. Not Gloria Jeans. It is only Starbucks. My favourite coffe haunt.

I know it's rather pricey. But, hey, I just simply can't resist the charm. They have this something that got me so drawn to it. The taste maybe? The ambience? That paper cup in my hands? Or maybe cause it's greeeeeen??? ;)

I only go for this one thing all the time. Java Chip frappucino. Yummm...

I can sit there for hours. Chatting. Checking out people. Read a book. It's cool, you know. I like this feeling of talking to someone who understands you over a cup of something that you like to drink. Well, at least my friend doesn't mind spending to enjoy life a little. Besides, I don't go all the time laaa... Maybe once or twice a month. Don't laaa think that I'm so up-standard.

The unfortunate thing is, some people didn't want to share their discounts with me. HUMPH!!

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Never been in love

Already 24 and never been in love. Embarrasing even to admit. People are either feeling sorry, that there was something wrong, or that it's running out of time. "So, are you attached?" No. "Is there anyone that you've laid your eyes on?" No. "Has anyone come forward to you?" No. "C'mon. Don't lie. Lets be frank, shall we? You seem to have alot of friends. Surely there must be someone....."

Gosh. You people are making me anxious. People are beginning to get curious as to why I am still being single. It's like they can't sleep in peace if they don't see me hanging on to someone else's arms. I appreciate the concerns but I can only provide you with the same answer. It's not that I've set my standards high. It's not that I'm choosy. It's not that I'm weird. It's just that fate has not come my way yet. My cupid tersesat-lah dear...

Yes. There are moments of desperations. There are times of loneliness. There are nights where I felt like hugging someone tight to assure me that everything will be all right. There are days where I would like to hear the voice of someone dear to keep me going on. There are instances where I would like to be pampered and to be taken cared of. It's what every girl would have wanted.

I have felt the tinges of envy whenever I see lovey-dovey couples going hand-in-hand. I have watched from afar and wondered why the one has not been me. I have felt the pain of being brushed aside whenever a friend starts a relationship. I have asked if there is really anything wrong in me that causes this. But, on the other hand, I've seen enough breakups to bring up this question: what is the meaning of true love?

Do you just grab someone to beat the loneliness? Do you hang on to someone just for the sake of a shoulder to cry on? Do you take someone out as a show off? Do you say 'yes' to someone so that you won't be labelled as a pathetic singleton? And then a few years down the road, things get ugly and you break off the relationship. Citing irreconcilable differences as the reason or "There is no reason. It just happened." Love. It is so vulnerable. It is so blind. It is so exploited. Gone were the days where is was so sweet and genuine.

This is conflicting. I still leave it to fate to decide. If it comes, it comes. If it doesn't, then it doesn't. Love can be everything. It might not be everything as well. Cupid oh cupid, wer art thou? Just like me la I presume...my cupid has no sense of direction. LOL!

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Paid to chill

Just which other job pays you to watch movies and play computer games? And then your boss comes in to thank you and treats you for dinner?

Yeah.That was what happened to me late last night. My bosses were having this big, very urgent meeting. They needed us around to help out with some adjustments and documentations when they were done. So, we need to hang around to wait for them. Not allowed to leave. Well then, what is there to do? We played a DVD and watched a 2 hour movie. Still not done. We chatted for a while. Still not done. We hit the buttons and went ballistic over Super Mario. Another hour passed. Oh...they finally came out.

Boss said, "Sorry to keep you all waiting. Please put in this adjustment and have this printed out." Yes, boss. It was 10pm then and all of us had skipped dinner. Boss said, "Well, thank you all for your hard work. Come, lets go for dinner." Hard work? Okay. Maybe it was kinda hard killing time with DVDs and games when you obviously know that you have your next job screaming out to you.

See. Ain't my job nice? Me, as a senior, was actually being paid to hang around and chill. I don't know if I should laugh or feel sorry or feel pissed or just be glad? But it did happened.

"Shakes head"

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Time

Time zooms past. It goes so fast that when you finally had the time to take a breath, you'd wonder if what you went through did actually happened. The past (even yesterday) might become a clump of gray clouds in your head. Yesterday would seem like one month ago. A month ago would seem like a year ago. Too many things happen, in too little time.

The present would no longer pose any meaning. As it would just be any other day, where it would just fly past without you even realising it. And when you finally do, it's too late dear. Too late to make changes. Too late to think twice before doing a particular thing. Too late to say, "I should have done this instead of this..." Time doesn't wait for anyone. It's one selfish brat. It's either you grab it or you lose it.

Too many people has lost so much in time. I'm of no exception. I honestly can say the one thing I want most is to turn back time. One impossible thing to do. All I am able do now is to sit with regret for the things that I didn't do. For the things that I didn't say. I've always liked this quote," Regrets are not for the things that you did, but rather, for the things that you didn't do." That's what kills you the most. The things that you didn't do when your heart and mind has been screaming for you to hear them.

Time has always been an issue to me. I hate to lose time. My current time. It's something that you can never stop. Something that could never be turned around. Something that simply won't come back no matter how loud you call out to it. My life has been going fast. It's accelerating. I'm not too sure when will I stop to feel myself. To feel those around me....

I don't get what am I blabbing about. It's late and I got to get to work tomorrow.
What ever.

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Guilty-ness

If you make people lose something that they can never get it back, no amount of sorry is ever going to be enough.

If someone extended their favour to you, upon your request, no amount of thank you is ever going to release you from your indebtness to that person.

So what if they happened?

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SKTS Reunion

"Hey bro, good to see you..."
"Heeyyyy, errr, you are?"
" Huh? You are xxx? Oh my gosh! Are you for real? You're really xxx?"
"Psst, who is that? Do we know him? Is he from Segar as well?"
"Where's xxx? Did anyone inform her? Why didn't she turn up? I want to see what did she turned into after all these years."
"Do you remember me? Take a guess..."

Segar-ians reunited. After 12 long years. At Jarrod & Rawlins, Damansara. 30 people turned up. From Delima, to Nilam to Intan. The crowd could have been far more if not for some who fell ill or was away with work commitments. Or some just didn't bother to keep in touch. Nevertheless, it was a great gathering.

It was all loud and noisy at our garden dinner. Whenever we saw someone, we went all "Hi", "Hey", "How have you been?", "What are you doing now?" and the catching up continued. Halfway through the meal, someone pat you on the back and we went "Hi", "Hey", "How have you been?", "What are you doing now?" all over again. And we repeated our current lives for the 10th time.

Man, it was so good to see everyone. All my childhood people. You know what, the funny thing is, all of us are still staying in Cheras and we need a gathering like this to meet up. And we have to go all the way to Damansara to do just that. "We can just come out to McD or Maideen or Old Town anytime right?" Hah. Yea. But that's the fun of it. The fun of meeting up. As if we were in a classroom again. I mean, we have our head prefect there. And so is our class monitor. But there was no "Classsss...Senyap!" this time around. Haha...We got the green light to make all the noise we want. Yaayyy!

We headed down to WIP at Bangsar Shopping Complex for a drink after the dinner. Cause someone said the night was still young (it was already 11.30 pm then) and that they hadn't had enough alcoholic content in them to get through the night. So there we were. At WIP. More catching up. Giggling. Picture taking. Smoking. Laughing. Joking. Boozing (well, not everyone..)

And later at 2 am, someone else complained that they were hungry. So we went for a 3rd round. Back at the mamak at my place. From steaks and wine, we went to mee goreng and teh tarik. Gosh! You people can really eat. More jokes and laughs. By the time we end it, it was already 3.30 am. And I was half broke! My whole Saturday night have been dedicated to them.

It's good to see you guys again. It's good to get back the feel of the 'old' days. You all were still the same, even under those feminine and macho appearances. Some things just stays....

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The stages of life: What we went through

When we were in elementary school, all we knew was play. Running around. Climbing trees. Skipping classes. Eating junks from the aunty by the road. Playing puppy loves, "Yerrr, she likes you." "You no good, I don't want to friend you already." Kids. We do what kids do. Laughing. Messing around.

When we entered high school, we turned our focus on studies. PMR, SPM, STPM. We got active in sports. We got involved in curricular activities. When we meet up, we talked about homeworks, comparing exam questions, that big carnival at the adjacent school, that popular tution centre, that new boyfriend/girlfriend, trying out new things for the first time, choosing courses and colleges. We try to grow up while stll being kids at the same time.

When we hit college life, we worry about financing problems, we worry about grades, we got all stuck in assignments. In the mean time, we started to head out even more. We got to flash the big 'P' on our windscreens. We hit the cinemas, we hit the cafes, we spent more time at the mamaks. We started to experiment with fashion. We started to go on trips on our own. We got our certs and got ready to apply for jobs. We wanted to prove that we were matured enough to do things on our own but couldn't shed the kid that was still inside us.

When we got into the working world, we talked about our companies, our bosses, our colleagues, our jobs. We discussed about paychecks, about switching jobs, about relationships, about the next big thing. We noticed the changes that we were facing. And we tried to deal with them. We hit the social scenes even more. We complained about life. We complained about the things that we are going through. Tough times. Looking for each other for support. We were trying to move into the adult world. Not quite there yet.

Present. We are still dealing with life. Trying to find ourselves in the midst of the world. Trying to fit in. Trying to make it big. We now talk about plans for the future. About commitments. About investments. About buying properties and cars. About doing business on our own. About politics. About economics. About the conflicts we are facing. About the decisions that we are so afraid to make. We no longer mess around like we used to. We began to take more responsibilities to our hands. We began to think about the consequences of each step made. We are growing up. And along the way, we missed our childhood. Wanting to go back to the years when we were still climbing trees...

What does the future holds for us?

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A foolish decision

Being a young adult who is neither matured nor naive (remember 'not a girl, not yet a woman'?), I made a rather hasty decision. This little voice at the back of my head went "Just go for it. It's worth a try." I obeyed. I went for it without even a second thought. It was after I've done it that I realised what a stupid mistake I made. That I should have at least thought of the consequences. I was feeling guilty all the way after that.

I tried to think in a more positive light. Maybe it was not so bad after all? Maybe something good might come out of it? Yea. Who am I fooling with? I can't turn back time. I don't know what I'll do if things really go wrong. I just hope that it doesn't.

Man, this shouldn't be coming from me.

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