My girl weds

2 years ago, they announced their engagement. 7 months ago, she asked us to be 'ji mui'. 1 month ago, they exchanged vows. They have been together for 7 years. We've watched them hit it off from the very first day till today where they were finally married. Theirs is one of a fairytale. The prince and the princess. Happily ever after. Sweet!

It was a very busy day on the 3rd of Jan 2009. Her big day! And as 'ji muis', there was much to do. Arriving early for preparations, running up and down, helping here and there, taking loads and loads of pics, fooling all around, getting all dressed up, seeing her walk out the door and into the hands of her hubby dear....It was certainly a day to remember. Especially even so for her. No doubt.

It's a new step in her life. A whole new status. A whole new person. A whole new family. A whole new everything la. Am happy for her.

Hmmmm...wonder what is it like being a Mrs? =P

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One big question

No. Not one big question. A whole loads of questions. All with no solutions.

"Don't know" has been a personal favourite lately. Don't mean to mock. The truth is, I really don't know. I don't have the answers to anything.

"Is your job done?"..........."I don't know..."
"Are you working this week?"........."I don't know..."
"Would you be going for the outing?"........."I don't know..."
"Are you still thinking about it?"......"I don't know..."
"When do you want this report?"....."I don't know..."
"What do you intend to do?"...."I don't know...."

My head is like a piece of blank paper. No writings. No scribbles. No prints. No colours. Nothing.
Unable to see. Unable to think. Unable to decide.

Shucks! What on earth has got into me? Why am I only feeling lost at this point of time? I am so way grown up to be going through all these. Even my friends are getting sick of hearing the same "don't knows" over and over again. Can't help it mates. Ask me just about anything now and most likely you'll be getting the same answers.

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Lunar year of the Ox

The Rat came and went. Lets hail the Ox!

I don't know if it's suppose to be a better year or otherwise. Different feng shui masters tell you different predictions for the new year. One said it's good for you. The other said it's bad. They need to co-ordinate their facts first before releasing them to the public. Like whose advice are we suppose to heed now?

The last couple of days have been busy....and tiring. Been out visiting and getting together with family and relatives. You know. Those aunts, uncles and cousins whom you only see once a year. Only during chinese new years. And like a tape recorder, they ask the very same things that they did the year before.

" Happy new year! Wah..so tall and pretty already. Here...an ang pow for you. Have you graduated? Oh...you have. Where are you working now? Oh...that's good. Earning big bucks now huh? How's the job? My daughter is still studying. She's in Australia doing...bla bla bla..Any boyfriends? Never mind...still young. Take your time..."

They are just so very cute. I enjoyed telling them over and over again about my life. No matter what they have to comment, you won't go wrong in smiling and replying, "Yes. Yes. Hope the new year brings new hope, new fortune and new beginnings....." You can be a tape recorder yourself as well.

What's chinese new year without the food, right? Tonnes of them. You munch a little at every place you go and in the end you'd realised that you could no longer stop munching. There's the pineapple tart. There's the mandarin orange. There's the kuaci. There's the kueh-kar-pek. There's the peanuts. There's the chocolates. There's the sweet cookie. There's the ice-cream (Yes. I've finally satisfied my cravings). Then, there are the lou-sangs, the dinners, dinners, and more dinners. Grrrreeeaaattt. I can already feel my tummy expanding.

It's not over yet Ox! It's just the beginning.

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One costly phone call

11.15 pm.

Following up on my previous entry, I was still stressed and depressed. Sat on the edge of my bed, not wanting to sleep, not wanting to shower. Not wanting to move. Not wanting to do anything. This thing is like inside me waiting to burst out. Picked up the phone. Couldn't find anyone suitable to talk to. Browsed some more. Ahah! Hit 'dial'. The all too familiar "Haelo..." came through.

The call went all the way to UK. Where my sakai sampat is currently residing. All I had intended was to have a quick chat to take my mind off this thing that's been bugging me. Heck! The conversation lasted for as long as over an hour. On my tab!

I filled her in in bits and pieces. Not revealing the whole picture. Arousing her curiosities and keeping her anxious was truly enjoying. I had fun. "I don't know what more to guess already. You are leaving me with so many questions without answers. But one thing I'm very sure of. I am very certain that all your nails are all gone!" I burst out laughing. How so very true. Indeed. She knows I can't kick the habit of bitting my nails when I'm full of thoughts. She definitely knows me well.

You know what? In times like this, I could really use you for some talk over Starbucks. No. We've grown up. We shall talk over red wine or whisky now. Haha. You promised to go drinking with me. I am waiting for your return. It would be on YOUR tab then!

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Stressed, depressed

These few weeks have been tough. Right after the new year, on the first day of work, till today. I have so much to do, so much on my mind, yet so little time. Priority no longer works cause everything is of upmost important. I don't even know what to start with. I am so screwed.

Of work, I have this deadline to meet. I am trying hard. But it just don't seem to work out. I have too many things to settle before we give the clearance. And yet I am doing it all alone. And I don't know everything. It's frustrating as the date gets nearer and your "to do list" still remained that long. I'm stuck with no help and boss keeps asking, "So how? Have you solved it? Can we give clearance then?" Man! Gimme a break!

Deja vu. The year starts and I've got news that a few more people are leaving the firm. All close acquiantances. Again. Just like last year. I've lost all mood for work. My pillars of strengths are almost all gone now. I need my people. Just how can I go on without them?

Guilt sets in. I was so occupied with work that I neglected both family and friends. My friend called and said she needed someone to talk to. I would have been there for her right away had it not been for that damn deadline that I was rushing to meet. I knew how much I had let her down. But I just couldn't help it. I am so sorry girl.

Chinese New Year is next week. I should be helping out in preparations. As with the previous years. For the deadline again, I have not done a single thing in helping out this year. Mum went cookie shopping alone. I didn't get myself involved in choosing decos. I've missed out on spring cleaning. I haven't even get myself new clothes yet. New year this year doesn't seem like new year at all. Sigh! What has work done to me?

And then I was caught in my own thoughts if this is really what I want in life. Do I continue what I'm doing now or do I take another direction and do some other things? But what? It's been playing on and on. No answer has been found. Cause I've not been thinking hard enough. How do you suppose I do that when I have like a million things on mind? My mind has been switching to and fro from finishing my job, to explaining to boss, to making up for my friend, to spending more time with family to what I want in life...argh!!!

This has come at an inappropriate time. It's the least that I would want to think about now. But as you know life, things just happen. I am in doubt. I doubt the doubt. Yea. Events of that night flashes back all the time. It goes spinning spinning in my head. Until a certain point, I give up thinking about it. But it comes back not too long later. And I start doubting again. My heart beats fast. This is just so 'fun'. So very 'fun'.....

I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs. I feel like hitting out at someone. I feel like gulping down big big scoops of ice-creams. I feel like sipping on all the Starbucks that I can get. I feel like squezzing some one tight. I feel like getting myself drunk. Lucky I don't feel like jumping off a cliff.....yet.

Just what has got into me?
Who am I?

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Forget about it!

You know what, the problem with me, if something happened or being said, it stays intact in my head. Anything at all. Be it something good or not so good. And this thing have been in my head for a week now. It kills me not being able to know what did it actually mean. It kills me even more when I just let it be. I know you told me not to worry about it. I know you told me to just let it go. I know you told me to wait for further notice. Heck, maybe I shoudn't even wait for further notice. But it keeps running in my head. And I can't get it off! Arghhh! Every night when I sleep, it just keeps coming back. What's the big deal about it anyway? It's not such a big deal. It happens all the time. It's society's norm. It's never such a big deal. So, why am I making all the fuss about it? I am matured enough to handle it. Why can't I just forget about it and assume it never did happened? But it did happened. As far as I thought that I was dreaming, I wasn't. Or was I? Beacause if I was, then maybe I don't really want to wake up? It's just too good to be true. Or am I just lying to myself? It has to be. Gosh! I need to lay this all off. It's driving me insane!

Forget about it. Forget about it. Forget about it. Forget about it. Forget about it. Forget about it. Forget about it.

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