I am indeed slim...

Scene 1
(In the elevator)

I entered MM's elevator and saw this middle aged lady inside. The door closed and it was just the 2 of us heading down to the ground floor.

Lady: "How did you managed to keep fit?"

Me: "Huh? (surprised to hear that coming from a stranger and not expecting that she would actually talk to me. You know la, ppl don't usually talk to unknown ppl in elevators.)

Lady: "I meant your figure."

Me: "Oh. Ermmm....." (dumbfounded. not sure as to what to answer her. Coz since when do I need to keep ft? I was born slim. Show off, I know. But hey, for all those that know me, that's the fact, rite?)

Lady: "It's good to start keeping your figure when you are young. Coz when age catches up with you, your weight catches up too."

Me: "Oh really?" (I really didn't know that. Was not trying to act dumb.)

Lady: "Oh yes. Are you in tax?"

Me: " Nope. I'm in audit."

Lady: "No wonder. With all the stress and everything. Even when you work, you need to take care of your health too. Do more exercises. Don't stay up so late. Eat healthy."

The elevator's door opened. The lady walked out hurriedly. Inside, I thank her for her sweet advice. But 10 minutes later, I was munching on McD. ;p

Scene 2
(At a client's premise)

I was heading towards the washroom when I saw the Marketing Manager coming from the opposite direction. Out of courtesy, I smiled and wished her "Good Morning".

Marketing Manager: "Morning. Wah, so small la your waist. So slim."

Before I could answer her, she rushed into her room to picked a call. I continued my way to the washroom. Another compliment. :)

Scene 3
(Still at the client's premise)

I walked past some staffs when one of them saw me. A more talkative one.

Staff : "Aiyoh, so thin la you. No tummy wan."

I stopped to 'entertain' her a little.

Me: "Got la. Just that you can't see oni. You don't have any too wat." (just to make her happy)

Staff: "Of coz la. I got a secret method to keep fit wan you know. Ladies must know how to keep in shape wan ma. Anyway, do you wanna try a new type of coffee? I just bought it from bla bla bla bla......"

The rest of the conversation is irrelevant. And I did tried her coffee.

Scene 4
(Ex-colleagues' outing)

The moment I made my appearance.....

Ex-colleague 1 : "Wow, you really are getting slimmer."

Ex-colleague 2 : "What slimmer? You should say she's getting more in shape dy."

Me : "Is that suppose to be a compliment? Or are you two being sarcastic?" (jokingly)

Ex-colleague 1 : "Of coz it's a compliment. No way we dare to offend you..."

I've been slim all along. Everyone knows that. And I don't put up weight fast. That's one thing I appreciate my body for. And I'm proud of it. No offense to anyone, but as a girl, I think I would prefer to be slim. Some people say I have a nice figure. Some people say I'm too thin. What ever. I like the way I look now. It gives me confidence to be me. I intend to keep it. And I won't hesitate to flaunt it.

I'm happy when people say I look good. Yay!

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The little getaway

I am beginnng to love hanging out at Starbucks in the middle of the night with a cup of ice-blended cappucino. Just sitting out there with a few people, along with real chilling breezes covering you up. It is just totally unforgetable.

You sipped your coffee slowly. Cramped around a small table. Catching up on stuffs that you left out. On and off, you feel the cold wind in your face. And a twinkling star peeping out from behind the clouds. You hear laughters from the next table. You hear laughters from your own table. And not to mention that hot waiter behind the counter. aaaaahhhhh....

Tell me how can I resist not to do it again? Lolz. I just love winds.

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Ups and downs

I picked up my empty bottle, opened the room door, and walked towards the pantry to have it refilled.

"Dik, ambik botol pergi mana?"

I continued walking. It was quite a distance later when I stopped and realised that someone was actually talking to me. Coz I was the only one around with a bottle in my hand. I turned back and saw the tea lady smiling at me. It took me a moment to realise that I had actually walked past the pantry and was on the way to the other end of the office. I didn't noticed where I was heading. I was 'blinded" by something. Or there was too much on my mind. The tea lady had just zapped me back to reality.

"Dik dah lupa ke tempat pantry?" She asked jokingly.

Feeling embarrassed, I smiled back and hurried in her direction. She followed me into the pantry and all the way talked about something which I didn't catched. I've no idea what got into me but all I did was just smiled back at her. Sounds rude. Sounds dumb. I quickly filled my bottle, thank her (dunno for wat) and headed back to the conference room. I didn't walked past it this time. Lolz.

It has been a rough week. It went up and down. Up and down again. I was on cloud nine on my birthday when I celebrated it with a bunch of close friends. And a watch from a brand that I had been eyeing. Thank you dearies. I received msgs and wishes from ppl that I seldom see. Even from some that I'm not too close with. Some made the effort to call. Sweet. Not to mention that Dia and Lin jie sent me a surprise package. And a birthday cake from my family which I have been eating for breakfast for the past week. But yet, I was disappointed for not hearing from some real long time friends. My best friends then had forgotten my birthday. Sad.

I worked late the next day. To rush some job. I let go of an appointment with a friend for that. I actually didn't feel bad until a call came from home. I got a scolding for working past midnight. I didn't know who to satisfy anymore. My boss? My family? My friends? Myself? I was so hurt. I was already bearing the pain of missing my dearies and yet had to put in extra work to meet some idiotic deadline. Not only that they didn't understand, they had to blame me for putting so much priority in my job. Then, I had to feel guilty for letting down a friend that obviously needed me to be there when she called. I lost all my mood.

I really felt like dying that night. My eyes were stinging when I left my unfinished work in office. It was raining hard outside..... and inside. I was hoping that someone would be there for me. Somone to tell me that everything would be all right. Someone to lend a shoulder. I had a very strong urge to call someone to let it all out. But it was already past midnight and I didn't wanna wake anyone up. I let my tears dry up inside me. It was a hard thing to do.

My mood has not fully recovered yet the day after until Michelle called to tell me that she couldn't find my birthday present. Lolz. I made her get one for me no matter what. Sorry for the trouble but how could YOU not get me anything? Especially you. My spirits were lifted further when I had a round of dinner with my sakai colleagues later that night. I laughed like mad.

Happy moments don't last. Got instructions from senior to work late again. I would be okay with it if she hadn't use a threat to get me into doing it. If you don't trust your team, you can do everything on your own. And then I had difficulties in my task. And I got frustrated. My friend called again to ask me out for a catch up. Girl, I'm so very sorry to have to let you down again. I wanted to be there too. But I just can't. I hope you would understand. And please don't get mad with me.

Arghhhh! What are you trying to do with me? Is this some sort of a game? My feelings have been all over the place the past week. And I'm suffocating. I have so many things on my mind and I need to spread my limited time to so many people. I'm not very sure of what to do anymore. To do this and regret for not doing that. Or to do this and feel bad for myself. Or to not do anything and feel guilty. My head is clouded. I need a break. I need to get away. I need a life. I need my comforts.

Yes, I shall go for a break. I am going for a break.

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Will this be the end?

I no longer have the strength. I no longer have the will. I have been putting up with this for far too long. I gave too many excuses to myself to hang on. But came midnight a few moments ago that everything went tumbling down. I lost myself. I lost all the branches I need to hold on to. I fell straight into nothing. I didn't see the light. I didn't see the arm.

I had once thought of ending everything when I could no longer put up with them. When I could no longer take it anymore. All the while I was waiting for the time that I would burst. It finally did happened tonight. I exploded in front of quite a number of people. All the while thinking that why didn't anyone bothered about me?

The pain was excruciating. Has the time finally come for me to end everything? I no longer want to live.

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Conflict of interests

Caught between myself. Between work and play. Between family and friends. Between me.....and me.

I would like to have time for everyone and everything...even for myself. I live on the principle that there will not be another today. I intend to make full use of it. Even though I might not know what will happen in the future, I do hope that it won't be one with me regretting back on life for certain things that I didn't do.

Somehow, the 24 hours daily don't seem quite enough. I couldn't satisfy everyone. I couldn't even satisfy myself. I gave up certain things in order to acheive certain expectations. Thinking back now, I questioned my decisions to do so. This is my life. Why should I be taking instructions from others on how to live it? And why must I be caught in between pleasure and responsibility? Why can't just I follow what my heart tells me? Why must I feel guilty for taking certain decisions on my own? I do have a right on my life, right? And I'm not wrong for that.

For it to be more fulfilling, I could be a little self-centered. To put myself above others. After all, who wouldn't? Some people are not worth sacrificing for. Not everyone is here forever. People come, people go. I will only be stuck with me.

So, what should I do?

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Siapa?

"Siapa? 是你吗?
到底谁会疼爱我啦?
为什么我一个?
Mengapa? Dimana?
是否爱会存在的啊?
Siapa disana?"

I fell in love with this from the very first time I heard it. I have been playing it every single day. Again and again. People around me are getting fed up of it. But I find it very meaningful. The music is beautiful. Especially the chorus part here. That is if you read chinese.

It's from a local artiste. A talented one, I would say. The song is actually about a social issue happening everyday. It speaks the story and the feelings of those going though it.

In times of emptiness, the above fits so very well.

Listen to the song.

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The 15th

Full moon. The last day. CNY has finally come to its end.

Last night. A lot of fun. A lot of food. A lot of booze. A lot of noise. A lot of talks. A lot of craps. A lot of drunks. A lot of video-ings. A lot of games. A lot of laughters. A lot of people.

Late. Tiring. But fun.

You guys are amusing.

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