Ups and downs

I picked up my empty bottle, opened the room door, and walked towards the pantry to have it refilled.

"Dik, ambik botol pergi mana?"

I continued walking. It was quite a distance later when I stopped and realised that someone was actually talking to me. Coz I was the only one around with a bottle in my hand. I turned back and saw the tea lady smiling at me. It took me a moment to realise that I had actually walked past the pantry and was on the way to the other end of the office. I didn't noticed where I was heading. I was 'blinded" by something. Or there was too much on my mind. The tea lady had just zapped me back to reality.

"Dik dah lupa ke tempat pantry?" She asked jokingly.

Feeling embarrassed, I smiled back and hurried in her direction. She followed me into the pantry and all the way talked about something which I didn't catched. I've no idea what got into me but all I did was just smiled back at her. Sounds rude. Sounds dumb. I quickly filled my bottle, thank her (dunno for wat) and headed back to the conference room. I didn't walked past it this time. Lolz.

It has been a rough week. It went up and down. Up and down again. I was on cloud nine on my birthday when I celebrated it with a bunch of close friends. And a watch from a brand that I had been eyeing. Thank you dearies. I received msgs and wishes from ppl that I seldom see. Even from some that I'm not too close with. Some made the effort to call. Sweet. Not to mention that Dia and Lin jie sent me a surprise package. And a birthday cake from my family which I have been eating for breakfast for the past week. But yet, I was disappointed for not hearing from some real long time friends. My best friends then had forgotten my birthday. Sad.

I worked late the next day. To rush some job. I let go of an appointment with a friend for that. I actually didn't feel bad until a call came from home. I got a scolding for working past midnight. I didn't know who to satisfy anymore. My boss? My family? My friends? Myself? I was so hurt. I was already bearing the pain of missing my dearies and yet had to put in extra work to meet some idiotic deadline. Not only that they didn't understand, they had to blame me for putting so much priority in my job. Then, I had to feel guilty for letting down a friend that obviously needed me to be there when she called. I lost all my mood.

I really felt like dying that night. My eyes were stinging when I left my unfinished work in office. It was raining hard outside..... and inside. I was hoping that someone would be there for me. Somone to tell me that everything would be all right. Someone to lend a shoulder. I had a very strong urge to call someone to let it all out. But it was already past midnight and I didn't wanna wake anyone up. I let my tears dry up inside me. It was a hard thing to do.

My mood has not fully recovered yet the day after until Michelle called to tell me that she couldn't find my birthday present. Lolz. I made her get one for me no matter what. Sorry for the trouble but how could YOU not get me anything? Especially you. My spirits were lifted further when I had a round of dinner with my sakai colleagues later that night. I laughed like mad.

Happy moments don't last. Got instructions from senior to work late again. I would be okay with it if she hadn't use a threat to get me into doing it. If you don't trust your team, you can do everything on your own. And then I had difficulties in my task. And I got frustrated. My friend called again to ask me out for a catch up. Girl, I'm so very sorry to have to let you down again. I wanted to be there too. But I just can't. I hope you would understand. And please don't get mad with me.

Arghhhh! What are you trying to do with me? Is this some sort of a game? My feelings have been all over the place the past week. And I'm suffocating. I have so many things on my mind and I need to spread my limited time to so many people. I'm not very sure of what to do anymore. To do this and regret for not doing that. Or to do this and feel bad for myself. Or to not do anything and feel guilty. My head is clouded. I need a break. I need to get away. I need a life. I need my comforts.

Yes, I shall go for a break. I am going for a break.