Heart or mind?

Not being myself lately. Caught in between alot of thoughts again. My heart pointed to one direction. My mind led me to another way. And my actions went back and forth till I reached a path which I regretted on taking. Great. As I sat thinking today, I wondered what have I done in the past week or so. A mess. I made a mess of myself. And I gave some people a false impression of me. Now I'm going to be misunderstood. What the hell was I doing back then?

My heart tells me that I really wanted to do a certain something. That I really wanted to say certain things. That I really wanted to go to a certain place. That I really wanted to be in the company of certain people. And each time, something will be holding me back. Something that I couldn't resist. Making me losing out on alot of things. On a lot of opportunities.

I laid hopes on somethings that I shouldn't have. I put expectations on things that I shouldn't have. I kick myself now to even think about it back then. I should have left things as it is. To the way they were. To be as it is. When some people do things out of the norm, do you take it? Or do you ignore it? When things suddenly take a 360 degrees turn, how do you handle it? Well, I didn't take it as good as I thought I would.

Do you call it depressed? Or the better word of 'soul searching'? I'm not sure where my heart and my mind would like to take me at the moment. I'm sort of, you know....lost? Can't the two of you act together and spare me from being torn apart? I've been calling people very often lately. You know who you are. Nothing much actually. Just needed to hear from someone. To clear the clouds around me. To bring me back to the real world sometimes. That's what friends are for right? For me to kacau....hahaha...

You know what. There's this scene in Fantastic 4. It made me wonder. How far would I go to give myself to someone? To help. To protect. To sacrifice. I'm no superhero. But how far would I go to be there for someone? How far would I go...