Dilemma or dilemma not?

I was conveying my dilemmas to Davey the other day. If you even call those dilemmas. And he made one point very clear to me. Reshuffle your priorities or reshuffle your nature. Good one. Now you know my weakness. I never say no. Well, not never. But seldom.

I try to be there for everyone. My family, my friends, and even me colleagues. Anyone needs help, anyone needs me, I'll do all I can to be there for them. I try not to let people down. I try not to disappoint those that matters to me. If they get disappointed, I'll be more disappointed than them. What's wrong with that? I didn't think that it was wrong. Until everyone, and I mean totally everyone, expects something out of me at the very same time. It was then that I realised that I can't possibly do everything.

Davey told me to re-set my priorities. To identify my main stakeholders. To see which party is more important. And put the rest aside. Hah! If I could just do that. I told him, every party in my life, are my important stakeholders. No way I can put them aside. It's just me. I can't change the way I am. I'm just that dumb la. I admit.

Anyway, Davey, thanks for wasting some time to hear me whine. I think I have a better picture of what I am to do now. =p

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Bloop turns 21

What's a bloop, you ask? This is my little bloop.

Cute huh?

Anyway, little bloop turned 21 today. And her celebration was all about food. First there was the small makan at the Overseas Restaurant. Okay, maybe not that small. Then it was TGIF with her mates. A dozen different types of doughnuts from Big Apple. A 1kg cake from Secret Recipe. I didn't know fishes could eat so much. Well, she's just not your usual kind of fish. She's MY fish.

Unlike my own coming of age, her celebration was much more moderate. Yea. Mine was rather...ermm...fancy? Haha.

I was feeling generous. Very rare of me. So I went for a present shopping spree. And got her this:

Swatch Spring Summer 2008 Edition - PlumPoint

Happy birthday Bloop!

Grow up!

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Lazy weekend

I am suppose to finish up some work for my boss next week. The weekend was planned to do exactly just that. I switched on my laptop. Spreaded my papers all over. Ran through my work sheets and stared at the same screen for like 20 minutes. Day dreaming. Okay. Okay. I was not in the mood to work.

I turned off the laptop and crawled into bed. Just a quick nap. Phone rang 10 minutes later. Friend asked if I was interested for window shopping. I said no. Phone rang again. Friend asked for a lunch. I said no. Again phone rang. Friend wants to watch a movie. I said no. How unlikely of me! Usually I would jump at what ever outing that I can find. But today, I declined all outings that came my way. I even said no to outings on Sunday. Quite a big let off to my friends.

I'm not trying to show off here. Just that on the days when I am absolutely free and seeking for activities, my phone don't seem to ring. And on the days when I just want to laze at home, there comes all the calls. My quick nap lasted 3 hours. Got up and realised that I have unfinished work to attend to. I switched on my laptop again. Stared at it for another 15 minutes. I give up. Today's just not my day to work. What? I need some excuse right?

So, I slumped myself on the couch to catch what ever it is that's on tv. Until now when I thought of changing the layout for my page. I must have missed out something. All my changes tak jadi. I got frustrated and ended up with this.

Friend just text me for a breakfast tomorrow. I said no. I'm such a pig!
Sorry la people, I would like to sleep all I can this weekend.

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The game of love

Love is complicated.

I've never been in love. My perception of love has always been perfect. Boy meets girl. Sparks went off and they get together. She manja-manja him. He sayang-sayang her. She cares for him. He cares her. They celebrate every occassion with gifts and surprises. So long as they are together, nothing else matters. He would always feel the need to be there to protect her. She would feel the need to stand by her man. The enjoy each others' differences. They share certain interests. They accept each's strengths and weaknesses. They are just happy to be together. Simple.

*Slap*

Girl, you are too naive. So I've been told. Love goes beyond all that. Love can turn to hurt. Hurt will then turn to hate. Love can be cruel. I saw how love can wreck a person's life. How one gave it all up in the name of love. How they got so disappointed that they took years to recover. How people change by just being in love. You are no longer your own self and you lose your identity which others once so admired. You became a totally different person.

Love. One simple word. But deadly. Beautiful yet dangerous.

I'll never understand this. You fell madly in love with this person. You went all out of the way to win her heart. She finally said yes. It was the best thing that has ever happened to you. You went all lovey dovey around her. You filled her with promises. You won't allow anything to harm her. She's your princess. A year later, for some reason, you end the relationship. Leaving her broken and tattered. What happened to all the promises made? You've vowed not to hurt her and now this? Were your feelings for her even sincere back then? Did you mean everything you said? How can you erase all the times you had together with one sentence: I do not love you anymore.

Love alone will not stand the test of time. Or maybe it will. Sooner or later, money comes into the picture. After that, you'd need to take into account family, friends and work commitments. It's not just about the two of you anymore. You'd realise that you need to consider every decision with care as it will not only affects you. It affects your partner as well. You have another person's needs and feelings to think about. And till then, you'll wonder if you should do as you wish or to satisfy your partner's? Then comes all the arguments and fights. And yet again the love stays. Did it really? Some says it does. Some says it dies out.

Love is fragile. Who can truly grasp the real meaning of love? How do you define love anyway? Love is disguisable. There's no such thing as true love. I've been warned. Love needs efforts. Love needs sacrifices. You can't just go on with life with just love in mind. If loving is so tough and tiring, then why did you opened up your heart in the first place? Why did you place hopes and allow those hopes to be crushed? Again and again.

Love is blind. There are no proper explanations. There is no logic. You take foolish actions. Yet no one would say that you are in the wrong. No one is to be blamed either. For love is a matter of the heart. It is subjective. It is judgemental. There is no right. There is no wrong. It is just what it is. Love.

A conversation with Jay brought this up. Nothing personal. He just got me thinking.

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Patching the missing pieces

You can never be satisfied with life. No matter how perfect it is, there will still be a hole some where. Waiting to be patched. You patch one hole. Another sits waiting nearby. You patch it. And you'll see another. Little that you know, your whole life would be spent patching holes. People keep telling you that your life is already at its best. You have everything a person could ever dream of. But still you are not satisfied. No. If I have everything, why am I unhappy then? So you go further. Seeking the missing pieces you so desired. One after the other.

It's just the nature of humans. Don't deny. So long as you belong to the family of homosapiens, you'll forever do this one thing. Compare. What ever you do, where ever you go, you'll always be comparing. To the people around you, to the people not around you. And you can't help but wonder why can't you own all those that they do? How I wish I get to drive that fancy sports car across the road. The person in the fancy sports car would wish that he could take your place in the bus as he had never done so. Do you get what I mean?

It's not wrong. A friend once told me, "If you don't compare, you'll never improve." There's truth in it. People don't excel if they don't try to do so. But not every trying is fruitfull. What if your patchings fail to cover the holes? What if the hole gets deeper? When you've exhausted yourself, both mentally and physically, do you keep on going? Or do you give up? What would you do then to patch an even bigger hole?

Some might perceive that others' lives are perfect. Life they long to have. Life that seems to promise all the riches. Remember that not everything is to be judged on the surface. You need to look deeper sometimes in order to determine if that is the life that you truly want. Unfortunately, not everyone is able to do so.

Surely this entry must have something got to do with me, you wonder. Else, it won't be posted up.Yes, it does. My cangkul has been thrown to the side. Allow me some time to pick it up again, alright?

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String of fantasies

Yeah. Alright. I know. I know. I'm no longer in my teens. I shouldn't be doing this. In fact, I should have dropped this a long time ago and grow up. But hey, I'm a dreamer. I fantasize a lot. If I were to see them on the streets, I'd probably go screaming up to them asking for a picture or for an authograph. Okay. I definitely won't do that. But that doesn't stop me from hanging posters of them all over the walls. Okay. I've stopped doing that too. But you get the idea.

Being good looking does have its effects. Coupled with the perfect characters that they portrayed on screen....man, they are ought to die for. Even guys can't stop gazing at hot chicks. Me? I can't help fantasizing about hot hunks. Haha. Well, here are the men that got me going ga-ga and drooling all over...

Hayden Christensen

Jonathan Brandis

Chad Michael Murray

Colin Farrell

Orlando Bloom

Milo Ventimiglia

Josh Hartnett

And on the Eastern side......

Vic Zhou

Jimmy Lin

What? I am into good looking guys. Who doesn't?

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"Last Night"

Am currently very into this song. Feel the beat, baby! Yeah!

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