I exploded

My temper has been flying all over these few days. It's either I've been getting more sensitive or people have been real idiotic. Every little thing pissed me off. I was not being myself. I threw tantrums. I unleashed my anger at who ever that got onto my nerves. I was mad at practically everything.

I simply hate inconsiderate people. Those that do not think about others. Those that only care about themselves and expects everyone to be like them. Some people just do not know the meaning of family and friends. They are willing to sacrifice both in the name of their careers. Sounds very mulia. I would say that's a totally stupid thing to do. Just how long have you known your 'career'? How long have you known your family and friends? You are willing to spend all your time and energy for your job which you've gotten into for like 3 years...and you have the heart to abandon those that have been with you for almost all your life? You missed every gathering. You missed every catch up. You missed every outing just so that you can meet that deadline set by your superiors? I get the need to be responsible, but if it's up to the extent that you no longer know who your family and friends are, then you are such a sad case. I'm sorry la, but that's not the kind of person that I would want to be. I can't, I won't and I will never be. Work is not really that important.

Another batch are those that live life by relying on others. Those that expects others to tell them what to do. How to do. And even better, just do it for them. If you don't, they will start to blame you for it. Blame you for not lending a helping hand. Hello?? When in the world that others are obligated to do you a favour? If I can do it on my own then, why can't you do it yourself now? Just because you had someone to back you up, just because you had someone to cushion your fall, just because someone's been there before you, it gives you the right to take advantage of the situation and of that person as well? I don't call it as being smart. It's selfish and it's rude. Are you that crippled? Or did you just got infected with 'down-syndrome' that you need others to spoon feed you? Just how old are you anyway? Grow up!

I was mad at myself. That's why I was mad at everyone. I kick myself for not voicing out my dissatisfactions. I knew I was being taken advantage of and sometimes I wonder why did I allow myself to be treated that way. Why did I allow myself to change for the sake of other people? Why can't I be me and let others adapt to me for once? Why do I want to leave a good impression of myself in the eyes of others? I was pretty tired of always being the goody good girl. Of doing what others expect of me. Of fulfilling others needs and dreams. I want to be wild. I want to be me. I want to do as I wish. I just don't have enough courage to do so. I was pulling my own reins. And for this, I was indeed mad at myself.

If only I could just not care. To just ignore. To be rebelious.