A step up...

I was promoted last month. Expected. Anticipated. Had it celebrated. You can officially call me "senior" now.

A good thing to hear. Meaning you'd get the respect that comes with it. Juniors look up to you. You get to make them do things without any proper reason. Mangers put their trusts in you. You get to make decisions. You get to boast the rank that comes with your name. You no longer have to listen to what others have to tell you. YOU tell others what to do. Some how, you get to walk with pride - knowing that you are someone of a certain importance. "That's the senior in charge of that high profiled job." Sounds canggih.

But beneath it all, I was having a little cold feet. It came too soon. I'm not up to it yet. I mean, which part of me looks like a senior anyway. Not quite adjusted to the new responsibilities that are heading my way. Boss said, "You are in charge of this job. Everything's your call." I was like, " Call what? What is there to be called?" When you are entrusted into a position unprepared, you tend to fumble and fall. You don't know where to start with. What comes after that? And how to end it? You have this mind set of getting everything right the first time. To be able to prove that you are able to handle it perfectly. That you can do better than the last person who did it. It is an unseen pressure that you have to bear.

Yes. Pressure. Pressure. Pressure. Pressure of more responsibilities. Pressure for not completing your job on time. Pressure of making the wrong decisions. Pressure of offending the client. Pressure of not managing your staffs well. Pressure of making mistakes and getting screwed later on. Pressure of presenting at a major meeting. Man, what have I gotten myself into?

There goes my weekends or any other personal time that I planned for myself. You'll see me hogging more onto my laptop with some complicated issues to be solved. "Why the worry? Your boss will cover you up." Yea. Me baby. Always running to mummy for help. Only that baby need to grow up some day. Mummy can't be there all the time.