Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts

Friday, November 6, 2015

Forlorn


These days...
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Wednesday, November 4, 2015

Time snailing through


It is 10.30 a.m. on a workday.

The person next to me is focused on her screen, stressed over an escalation mail. The person in front is engaged in a conference call. The person behind is having a team discussion. Another person at the end of the row is occupied with a sales proposal. Another can be seen in the conference room, immersed in a serious conversation. I, after having completed all required tasks, am looking out the window and thinking of how to get through the day. 

I turned to my messaging platforms in search of my chat buddies. One is rushing to meet a deadline. One is focused on an ad-hoc report from the boss. Another is getting prepared for a meeting. Oh-kayy.

I then went onto the internet. Read the local news. Read the business articles. Scrolled the social media websites. Read the international news. Gone through the gossip columns. Read some life inspiring articles. Watched some short videos. Browsed a few shopping sites. Looked at the time - 12 p.m. What?

It's either I was being too efficient or there was just isn't enough to do. On any regular day, I get to relax for more than half of the time - that's after clearing mails and accomplished tasks. Some may argue that it is what they desired - having a stress free job and being paid to chill. For me, it was great in the earlier days. But now, it is just damn freaking boring. I'm beginning to feel wasted. That's how I'm going to spend my hours each day? Just by surfing the net? Not doing anything significant? Even if I scout around and poke my nose in matters that doesn't involve me, there's still hours left to be utilized.

How is it that everyone else is screaming for more time and yet here I am wishing that it would just pick up pace? Such imbalance.

It doesn't make sense to continue on this way. It's getting demotivating. Got to start to look at options now.

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Thursday, October 22, 2015

Haze


It looks like the end of the world. It sure serve as a good backdrop for some Hollywood movie.

Yep, that's how my city looks like now - on one of the worst days of the haze blanketing the entire country. It doesn't seem to get any better in the coming weeks.

We are stuck indoors. Schools are closed. And the moment you step out, you'll suffocate.

There goes my year end vacations.

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Wednesday, October 21, 2015

What? Locked?


We rely on our phones so much, that it has come to a point where we can't live without them. We store so much data on them, that once gone, we are goners as well.

For some reason, my mobile decided to lock itself the last weekend. The scanner malfunctioned. And, of course, the backup password have long been forgotten. I was, alone, on my way to a drinks session. Panic sets in. I can't operate the mobile! I can't get through the login screen! I can't communicate! Oh wait, my notes are in there as well. So does tonnes of my pictures. And they are all without backups!

I was momentarily lost for action. It was the first time this has happened and I was stunned. I was so used to working my mobile and now that it was inoperative, I found myself in a sudden state of paralysis. Oh man, what do I do? I can't call for help. I have not set any emergency contacts. There was no one beside me to lend me their mobile. I have not even activated the PC login - which I eventually found out there was such a function.


And all the while, I hear the pings coming in on my WhatsApp, presumably from my friends updating their whereabouts. As I thought about it, I realized we no longer use the mobile to make calls and talk anymore. My mobile was, in fact, still active - it was locked from sending communications, but it can actually receive them. If someone were to just call, I can actually get help. Or let them know of my predicament.

I realized soon after that no one was going to do that. We are so used to sending texts that it didn't bother us one bit when someone failed to reply back. We simply brushed it aside thinking the person was just too busy or maybe even ignoring them. It scares me now to know that in the event of an emergency or crisis, where someone's mobile was just not working the way mine did, no one would ever know. Perhaps not until it is too late.

It was a full day later when luck stroke. I was close to giving up and re-formatting the mobile, thus erasing all that I've stored in there. A final attempt at the password proved fruitful. I blamed myself for entering such a complicated one and for not saving it elsewhere. So much for contingency plans. And yes, if you are wondering, I immediately backed up everything thereafter!

So people, pick up the phone and start calling! Is that so hard to do? If you have forgotten, that's what phones are made for. All the rest are just side functions to ease things. If your friend is not responding like they used to, start taking note.

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Monday, August 31, 2015

Broken bonds



They couldn't withstand the test of time.

Once where they were strong, where they were thought to be long lasting, had been shattered by time. Or rather, they have been shattered by the changes in life.   

Differing priorities, differing circumstances, differing point of views, differing paths... one or the other have led to differing routes.

It's difficult to comprehend that you are no longer a part of their life. Those whom you have shared a significant portion of your life with.

The calls just stopped, the outings ceased, and a simple "Hi" is no longer uttered. They disappeared altogether. All you get is some pictures posted on social media. And you are left wondering what the hell happened along the way. How did it came to be this way?

As you engage with others in similar circles, you look back at the wonderful moments spent together and wonder if there is still a little of that bond left? If there is a possibility that they could have cherished it as much as you do?

Friendship is weird, at times.

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Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Leavers

It's always sad when someone leaves.

Just right into the new year and there have been a few leavers at the work place. There have been for various reasons - for relocations, for returning to home countries, even for being exited.

After having being colleagues for a couple of years now, it does feel kind of odd of not having them around anymore. There isn't the familiar faces to greet you when you get into the office in the morning. There won't be mails coming in from them. Their desks are all but empty spaces now.

What's left are the legacies and memories left behind. Although it was a relief to get rid of some, but there were others who have been great to work with. Superiors who have been understanding and fair, co-workers who have been supportive and fun. The office will not be the same.

Though not extremely close with them on a personal level, it was still with a heavy heart to see them leave. They will be missed. It has been a pleasure working with them.


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Wednesday, December 31, 2014

The end of 2014

The year wasn't that all smooth sailing...

Bumps at work. Bumps at home. Bumps with myself. Even on this eve to the new year, I've been caught ill.

It was worse for the country. In these last few days, the third national air tragedy struck. Hundreds of lives lost and hundreds more affected. Then there's the constant downpour which has brought about the worse ever flood situations in some areas. Thousands more effected.

There will be no celebrations. No fireworks. No parties. No drinks.

It has been a dim year. Glad that it will be ending soon.

As the new year steps in, there's hope that it'll bring about some changes. Something good for everyone.

So farewell 2014....and we shall see what is in store for 2015!


HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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Sunday, September 21, 2014

The routine

Here's how it goes...

You get out of bed
Freshen up and get dressed

Get into the car
Crawl in snail-like traffic to the office
Reach an hour and a half later and park at the usual spot
Go grab that morning coffee
Read the daily headlines
Log into the email
Start replying mails that don't matter
Greet and have small talks with colleagues which you don't fancy
Work on that request from the boss and getting it approved
Play sweet and humble with everyone
Catch that lunch buddy
Fuss over the choices of food at the food court
Gossip about that nasty secretary
Head back to the desk
Reply those don't matter emails again
Try to talk sense into some people
Got agitated by the next department and try not to lose that patience
Go to the pantry and have a break
Have meaningless talks with the colleagues again
Respond to that "why-does-it-matter" request from the other department
Review that work done by the team and try not to shout at them
Reply that one last don't matter email
Pack up and tag out
Get into the car and crawl for another hour and a half back home
Clean up and get dinner
Continue that novel, continue that drama series
Tuck up in bed

The next day starts all the same again.

The things we do for others. The things we do that, honestly, bears no importance to us. Yet, we put most of our time and energy to it. What for?

For that pay check at the end of the month. The pay check that pays the bills and leave some extra for that weekend brunch. That exotic vacation. That limited edition handbag. That occasional spa pampering. That must have dress. That latest gadget. That night out with the buddies. And all those to make up for the misery of our daily routine lives. 

Just the way life works right?

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Sunday, September 14, 2014

Expectations

Putting expectations on others is just not worth it. Be it any certain kind of expectation at all.

First, they might not be fulfilled. Second, they might not be fulfilled in the way you wanted it to be.

Since it'll end up as an apparent disappointment, why have any hopes at all? Why rely on others when it's best to have it done on your own?

Well, I have been dumb. Time and time again.

When will I ever learn?


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Monday, August 4, 2014

Being me

It's simple. Really. How hard can it be in being yourself? Your own true self?

But in the society that we live in, or rather, in a society that I live in, being myself is very much a "sin". You do not get to be yourself without obtaining some sort of "permission" from society.

Now who constitutes society? They are none other than the neighbours, the distant aunts and uncles, the friends' parents, the parent's friends, the acquaintances, the community and the likes. Basically, they are those that doesn't have a significant importance in my life. And yet, they seem to dictate my every move.

'Why are you still single? You ought to find yourself someone."
"Why are you reading by yourself? It's not a pleasant sight."
"You shouldn't be drinking so much coffee. It's not good."
"You coloured your hair? Chemical damages it. You ought to leave it in its original state."
"Why are you wearing that dress? It doesn't suit you."
"Where do you work? It doesn't sound reputable. You ought to switch to a more well known company."
"You're planning to travel to that country? Who on earth goes there? Can't you not go some where else?"
"Oh, you blog? Why do you reveal your personal matters for the world to read? It would be better in being discreet."

Although I appreciate the certain level of concern, if any of them are concern at all, I have no intention of living under a microscopic lens. Let alone explaining my every single move and action. Worst off, the parents take their views seriously.

Yes, I do enjoy being alone, reading my favourite book while sipping coffee at the cafe. Does that bother you?

Yes, I do love having my hair dyed brown or red or purple paired with a tight fitting dress or a tattered blouse. Does that bother you?

Yes, I have a thing for writing and I adore traveling to places where I feel like it. Does that bother you?

Yes, I enjoy hanging out with friends late into the night talking about nothing. Does that bother you?

It's sickening having to come up with an answer to appease them. I can't be left alone to do the things I please without having first taking care of their opinions. And I've got to explain on how I want to live my life? How ridiculous could that be?

I live my own life. I live the way I want it. I live it happily. So what if I take the route less traveled? So what if I didn't do what everyone else is doing? So what if I have different views and different passions? Does that make me less of a person?

So people, stop judging. Stop asking. Cause I'm no longer answering. I'm no longer explaining.

I will just be......me.



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Thursday, May 15, 2014

Lost it?

Opened up a blank page...and sat staring at it.

Felt like there is so much to let out, yet couldn't find the right words to express them at all. Have I lost it?  Have I lost the flair to write?


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Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Goodbye 20's

The day is 18th March 2014.

What's the big deal? Only that it's my last day as a twenty-something. This long dreaded day has finally arrived. Ever since my 29th birthday, I was hoping that this day would never come. I was hoping that time would stop and I would have never had to enter the thirties.

I enjoyed my twenties! It was the time of my life!

10 years ago, 30 is something unheard of.
9 years ago, coming of age was the grand-est thing ever.
5 years ago, I was more focused on partying and making a mark for myself in the corporate world.
3 years ago, my attention was more towards traveling and seeing the world.
1 year ago, almost there...one more year to being wild and reckless.
A quarter year ago, the emo-ing started.
And today, gosh, it's gone! The prime is over...

So now what? As I'm left with less than 1 hour before I hit the big 3-0, the feeling is pretty much neutral. Not overly excited. Not overly distressed either. Just another day in everyday life. I would still be able to party. I would still be able to make my career. I would still be able to travel the world. I guess it would be naive to think that the world stops at a certain age.  

Perhaps I should look to embrace it. Perhaps the coming decade will bring much more. Who knows? Let's see what will come my way then. Shall hope for the best!

Now, time for some celebration!!


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Tuesday, December 31, 2013

The End of 2013

Gone were the party days... Gone were the countdowns...

Apart from having this day as the last one for the year and never to return, it passes of as just another day. If there are dinners, they can happen any other day. If there are gifts, they can be given any other day. If there are fireworks, they can happen any other day too. At this point in life, a certain understanding has come to light. A celebration does not have to be on a particular day or time. It can happen anytime, any where.

Amidst the stillness of the night, coupled with a drink and jazz music, it is a time for reflection. A time for resolutions.

All throughout the day, friends have been posting up statements of what the year has been for them. Well, for me, it is not so much as to what I've did or did not do. It's more of what I've learned from circumstances that came along. How did I dealt with them. How did they affected me. How did they changed me. I could be better.

Am grateful of what the past year has brought me. It was a blessing to have walked through it all. Both the ups and downs. Looking back, I can afford a smile.

We shall see what is in store for 2014. I shall strive to have more courage to set out my plans. Fingers crossed.

I especially liked this quote which I got off the net,

Tomorrow is the 1st blank page of a 365 page book. 
Write a good one!

Happy New Year 2014!
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Sunday, December 22, 2013

Busted!

It didn't last very long. In just over a year. Some say it was expected. Some say it was a wrong move.

Perhaps the signs were obvious from the very start. It was all there, laid out in front. Everyone else saw them. All but me. Too blinded by pride. Too blinded by ignorance. Too soon did the issues crept up. Too little was done. Too inexperienced.

But I say, it was a lesson well learned. Among others:
  • Always listen to your own instincts and stand your ground. Never let others influenced you, no matter how convincing they can be.
  • Understand the winds of change in market trends. Catch the wind while it still blows. 
  •  Don't jump into a decision without in depth facts and statistics. Real extent.
  •  Never let someone inexperienced to dominate and pull the strings. Never ever.
  • Make sure all the talk is being walked. Or else tell them to shut the hell up.
  • Remove all incompetent shareholders from operations the soonest possible. They are best just being "sleeping".
Looking back, perhaps things could be a little different had the above been addressed sooner. There is no such thing as "let's wait and see" or "it would get better". Waiting in business means losing. Losing out on competition. Losing out on opportunities. Losing out on cash. That's one thing that ought to be kept in mind.

I would still say it was a good try. It brought new insights. It changed my perception of people. I believe I still have much to learn.

Although it didn't turn out favorably, at least I gave it a shot.
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Thursday, December 12, 2013

Let It Go

Wasn't aware of the resemblance until it was pointed out. This was supposed to be just another Disney movie. Hadn't noticed it either even when I was watching it.

But this particular song, when listened carefully, "It reflects you. Very much."

Let it go. Run into an ice castle. Turn away. Slam the door. No fear. No rules. Leave the perfect girl. 

But I'm no princess. I don't have magical powers. And I definitely do not live in Disney.

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Friday, October 11, 2013

Enough said...



Thank you.....
for just being there....
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Sunday, July 28, 2013

Invisible



There are times when this felt like the perfect escape.

To live in the wilderness. To live off grid. Away from the stresses of the city. Away from the hipocrites. Away from the microscopic lenses of society. Away from unnecessary burdens. Away from irrelevant worries. Away from having to explain whatever decision and action.

Just me and mother nature. Doing what ever I please, whenever I please.

To be invisible, will it only be a dream?

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Monday, May 13, 2013

The 13th General Elections

5 years had gone by. This round was held on Sunday, 5th May 2013. 


Of course I had been there to fulfill my civic duty. There was a huge turnout this time. Much more than the previous round. Even before the gates to the polling center were opened, queues could already be seen, much to the surprise to both myself and my sister. We had initially thought we would be one of the earliest, looks like a whole lot other people beat us to it.
 
Lining up to get in
The different "channels"

Our turn is up

And done!

Had a mini school gathering while queuing. Met a few ex-school mates. Good to see friends returning home from overseas just to cast vote. That's the spirit!

Proud to be a Malaysian.
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Saturday, April 20, 2013

Disappointments


It's inevitable. 

Question is, how many times can you take it?

I came to learn that, to avoid one, is to be less expectant. 

Not everything works the way you want it to be....
Not everyone becomes the person you want them to be....

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Saturday, April 13, 2013

Fang-ed teeth

I never had perfect straight teeth all my life. It has always been crooked & fang-ed like. It was an imperfection that had tarnished my self-esteem. All those girls out there have got nothing to hide when they smile. And I used to hold back mine so that my "vampire" teeth wouldn't be too obvious.

Had actually consulted with the orthodontist. I was given the explanation that this happens when the molars crowd the canine, which means I had too many teeth for my jaw to accommodate. Braces would fix it. But that would involve the extraction of 4 other teeth to make way. I didn't like the idea of having my healthy teeth pulled out in the name of beauty. And so I stuck to my imperfection.

But lately, I had been craving for that "perfect" smile. The idea of getting those braces came back. Just when I am in serious consideration of having my teeth extracted, I found out that fang-ed teeth has become an "in" thing in Japan! It has become a fashion trend in Japan!

Japanese women are going crazy over it. They are spending a bomb to have their perfectly straight teeth to be crooked and fang-ed like. It's called the "yaeba" look. And Japanese men loved it! They love the "yaeba" smile of a woman. Unbelievable!

Can you believe that I actually had people coming to me and say, "Oh, you've got those fang-ed teeth!". And I had replied shyly, "Yeah, I was thinking of getting them fixed with braces." "Oh no! You shouldn't! They are so cute!!" I thought I had heard it wrongly. My imperfect teeth, cute? You've got to be kidding me.

Does that mean I can scrap my braces plan now? Or if I still want that "perfect" smile, I can always move to Japan? At least I've got that "yaeba" smile naturally. No cosmetic procedures involved. Guaranteed!


this is cute?

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Pampered. Rebellious. Princess.

When words get unspoken...

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