Comprehension

Freshly returned from yet another travel, blessed for having the chance to experience a part of life that is not accessible to many.

Thankful to have met some good people along the way, whom had changed a certain perception within. 


The place we live in is extremely huge. We are all little specks of dust on earth. We are so tiny that we could be easily swallowed up by the seas and the mountains at any point of time. Having being so little, what more about the petty matters that we fuss about daily? There's no point. They are insignificant. In the end, they wouldn't matter at all. So, why bother in the first place?

There is so much beauty all around us. We have been so busy chasing money and competing with others that we take all those little things for granted. The beauty of sunrise...the colours of dusk...the sea breeze...that carefree bird chirping...the buzz of the bee...the hills shrouded in mist...the sound of waves...the coolness of cave stones...beach pebbles...rustles of leaves...chillness of the hills...How often do we slow down to appreciate what we already have? To appreciate all there is around us? We might not know that we have actually lost sight of so much.

You may not believe this, but kindness do exist. So does generosity and warmth. In a world where every man is for himself, there are still random people who would actually go all out for you. Random people who tried their very best to make you feel comfortable and welcomed. They have nothing to benefit out of any of it. And they expected nothing in return. Their gestures came directly from the heart. Would we be able to treat everyone we meet the same way too?

In a way, having expectations are useless. Having expectations means relying on someone or something to have a certain thing done in your way or to your favour. When things do not turn out the way you wanted it to be, disappointment kicks in. As they always say, the higher the expectation, the higher the disappointment. Your life is yours and yours alone. Loose the expectations and start taking things into your own hands. Who else better to rely than yourself?

Life, just like the path trekked, are full of bumps, rough patches, dark, exhausting. There is no way to know how long it takes to get there, or what is in store at the end of it. There is no turning back. Perseverance is what gets you there. You just ought to continue moving forward, laugh at the hardships, enjoy the journey along the way, for there would be something pleasant throughout, and eventually you will find out that the end is not what it seems to be. That at the end, you will somehow or rather be greatly rewarded.

Had intended for a getaway to escape having to deal with the nonsense of reality. Well, the nonsense persisted. And reality can't be escaped from. Only the attitude towards it is what makes the difference.

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I dream...

I dream of a meadow, of yellow and pink daisies
I dream of mountains, of snow capped at its peaks
I dream of a valley, of a river gliding through it
I dream of a lake, of its calm and shimmering waters

I dream of a clear blue sky, of puffy clouds looming
I dream of the sun's rays streaming down onto the field
I dream of the soft breeze from a spring morning
I dream of birds swooping past, of their cheerful songs

I dream of a cottage, of bricks and wood
I dream of a hammock, rocking gently across the verandah
I dream of a steaming cup of coffee, of a rich aroma
I dream of a mongrel, laying lazily by the feet

I dream of rolling on grass,
I dream of catching a view from a cliff
I dream of paddling in a pristine lake
I dream of hiking through an evergreen

I dream of a carefree life
One that expands horizons

One away from civilization
One that could only remain in a dream...

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Smartphone addiction

Wherever I go, I see people being glued to the screens of their smartphones.

Be it waiting for the elevator, waiting at the bus stand, waiting for the train, queuing up at the counter, at the table waiting for the food to be served, waiting at the lavatory, even while walking....their eyes do not leave the screen in their hands.

So out of curiosity, I did a little "surveying". What is it that is so important on the screens that they do not even look up when crossing a road? It's not really that hard to do considering the size of smartphones these days.

Is it that text message that requires an immediate reply? Is it that Facebook post that requires an immediate comment or "like"? Is it that itch to post a picture on Instagram immediately? Is it that immediate tweet that you can't wait a couple of minutes? Is it that headlines or news that you got to read now itself?

I could still have understood if it was out of the reasons above. Well, you know, living in a fast paced world where technology is no longer a limitation and everything has to be up to-date instantly. You wouldn't want to be left out.

But guess what, some people are not glued to the screens for those reasons. Most of the people that I've "surveyed", are just simply scrolling the pages or texts. They are not reading them, they are not replying anything, they are not posting anything. They are just merely scrolling! So, that's the reason for not talking to the person next to you and making actual conversation? That's the reason for not taking an interest in what's going on around you?

That's one very serious addiction man! Unbelievable.

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The reason.....

We do things for a reason. Without one, there's no point in doing it. Simple. And what if we are doing something for the wrong kind of reasons? Or maybe it was not the intended reason? Would we, then, still continue to do it? That is the question.

I have not found the answer yet. But I did find myself conflicted, in certain situations. I do things without a reason. I do things for not the intended reasons. I have yet to do things for the wrong kind of reasons. Only on a few occasions that I do things for the right reasons.

And then comes another question. Why did I do it then? Yes, the big why. And just like the X-files, it is unjustifiable. It is unexplainable. I don't know why. But I did it anyway. Dumb. And then I started the questions. Questioning my very own actions. Trying to figure out why I did the things I did. Trying to get to the root cause of everything. There are no answers still.

So now do I continue with what I did? Would I be satisfied with the reasons I give myself? Should I ignore the reasons and move on? Or do I find a more suitable reason?

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Love and the Void

I find this article so true. True on a personal level. True to what I believe in.

And to quote a phrase which I totally agree :
Anything that we depend on beyond ourselves to make us feel good and safe, is undependable.

It says it all, here:
http://liveandinspire.com/creativearts/love-and-the-void/

Alas, there is someone with the same beliefs out there.

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Of Weddings and Marriages

Of late, this topic is HUGE. You'll know by just logging into Facebook. Every week, pictures after pictures are being posted up. The proposal. The registration. The white wedding gown. The bouquet. The photo shoots etc etc. As if every teeny weeny pre-wedding arrangement has been posted up. The most absurd one which I've seen is the comparison of dinner menus between different restaurants.

I am not a big fan of marriages. Really.

I have watched many walk down the aisle. More will be taking that walk in the coming months or years. It has come to a time for many to hop on to this next phase of life. To settle down and to start a family. Society has a rather specific time line for this. And for my generation, this is exactly the right time to get into one. I have blessed all of them for a happily ever after marriage life. I seriously hope that they do. Seriously.

There are some who really are in love. There are some who really wanted to spent the rest of their lives with each other. It is by sitting in the audience of these weddings that you'd feel touched, watching them grow over the years to finally pronouncing their vows to each other. You'd just feel genuinely happy for them.

But there are also some who did it for the sake of peer pressure. Or for the sake of their families. Or maybe they thought it was "just about time". The entire ceremony was planned lavishly, only for the marriage to end up in problems and divorces. Blaming it all on irreconciliable differences. Foolish, I would say. To get into something which was not throughly thought about. Harsh as it may sound, I don't pity them.

As conventional as I wanted to be, I no longer put marriage on my "to-do" list, like what I used to. It won't be something to be aimed for. So long as two person are comfortable being together, it really doesn't matter whether you have it on black and white, does it? After all, who could guarantee that marriage is forever? Who could guarantee that you'd stay faithful to each other after you've have it on paper? Who could guarantee that you'd lead a blissful life after you've walked down the aisle in that white gown? There are no guarantees. There have been no guarantees as to matters of the heart. So it doesn't have to be taken so seriously either.

So what if I do not have the "Mrs" title in front of my name? So what if I prefer to remain as a "Ms"? Does that make me a different person? No. Does that make me loose out? No. Does that make me "crippled"? No. The only implication is being judged by society. To which I don't really care. Cause if I'm going to let society depict who I choose to be, then I won't be being myself.

Marriage is after all just a ceremony. A ceremony that has been commercialised.

What is your take on marriage?

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Reflections

On days when I look in the mirror, I see a reflection that is confident and poised. A reflection that smiles back and knows that life has been treating it with grace.

On other days when I look in the mirror again, I see a reflection that is slumped and uncertain. A reflection that no longer smiles and wanted to know why has life being unfair.

We bring out our own reflections, in different stages. Inevitably.

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Superstition

Ever believed in a good luck charm?

There, the little something to be carried around to wade off bad luck. The little something that your elderly aunt would insist that you keep it close to you. You would most probably do it out of respect, rather than really believing that it actually works. Cause you'd might wonder, if it really did work, then why were there so many casualties happening around?

I have never believed in one. First, I'm not superstitious. Second, it didn't really have any effect, when I did tried to carry this something that my mum told me to. Cause I believed that everything that happens, do happen for a reason. And that if something was meant to be, it couldn't be altered no matter how.

Up until I found this, from the streets of a night market. A simple something that caught my eye. A something that I would put on everyday. An accessory. And why did I started to believe that it brings good luck? Because of the effect it had on me when I had in put on. Sounds stupid, I know.

Some might have known that I encountered hiccups in my job. With things not going my way, tasks not being done, quarrels among colleagues, mistakes after mistakes, my patience and temper had been flying out of the window. Some might have known how much I've been complaining and complaining.

But recently, days in the office went by rather smoothly. Not with without hiccups, but with manageable ones. Not so much mistakes. Tasks still not being done fully, but completed partly. Things beginning to go my way. The quarrels have toned down. The tempers have toned down.

I've tried to understand the string of events that happened. When I couldn't find the logic, I turned to un-natural forces. I realised that on the days which I had the accessory on, those were the days which went by with the least troubles. And on the days which I didn't have it on, those were the days which were the hardest to get by. Tried and tested.

Yes, you might think that I came up with the excuse to make myself feel better. Or maybe you  might think that I'm being foolish. Perhaps there was some reasonable explanation to all that has happened. But any how, the accessory has been sticking with me for some time now. If you see me at work, then you'll see it.

I change my perception on being superstitious. 

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Complete?

I once thought that I had it all. That I had been complete. And that I have no need for anything else. It was what most people told me. They envied. And it made me cocky.

The cockiness, had presently, subdued. I no longer hold on to the thought that I had it all. Like a ball, it is gradually rolling away. I began to see that what I used to have, is falling off, like the pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. Leaving empty spots on what was once a perfect picture.

They are still envying. But I am no longer cocky.

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Dreamer

There are things that I feel like doing. The more I think about them, the more I don't know where to begin. Or which to begin. In the end, I let it pass and kick myself for not doing anything. All I did was lay on the couch, stare at the wall, and imagined myself doing all kinds of things that pleases myself.

I really should begin some where. To make my own dreams come true.

This instant.

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Geram!

This week at work :

The big bosses are acting like kids.

The executives are acting like kids.

The assistants are acting like kids.

The 'kids" are, of course, acting like kids.

Am I the only one who is not acting like a kid?

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Bitter

The one thing I learnt today, is to count on no one but yourself. If you hoped that someone would be there to lend a hand or to save your day, you can keep on hoping. To wait for help to come would be like waiting for rain in a desert. It would be so much better to deal with it on your very own.

They are all so full of lies. Hipocrites on their own being. Families and friends alike. And you can leave those who doesn't fit into the 2 categories, out. They always have this to say, "You can count on me." "You can be rest assured that I always be by your side." "You do not have to worry, for we will always be there for you." Or "Just buzz anytime, we'll always make time for you." Total bullshits!

In times of real trouble, in times of dire need, just how many would be there by your side, holding your hand and guiding you step by step? Just how many would pick that call and come straight to your aid? Face the fact. Humans being humans, are always that self-centred. It's always me, myself and I and no one else.

I will be there if there's something to my benefit. If it's not, then to hell with you. Never mind that I've said that I will always be there for you. Yea, I'll be there alright, if I won't be in a detrimental situation. Who are you for me to waste my time and effort for? So what if you're a family or a friend? In the very end, of course the most important person to me is myself. Not even family. Not even friends. Not even spouses.

The next time you say "You can always count on me", please think long and hard before you say it. If you can't keep the promise, please don't make a dumbass fool out of yourselves.

Yes, I am very bitter here today. Cause I got sick of those phrases, which I fell for all these while. To start of my first new year's resolution, I will count on myself from now on. And I won't be sorry for being self-centred.

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Dear Santa,

It's the time of the year again, where your mailbox is full of letters of wishes. As with the rest of the world, I would be of no exception in dropping my wish to your mailbox this year as well.

This year, Santa, I wish........for all the blessings that had been bestowed upon me, to not be taken away. I am grateful for all that I have. Santa, that's all I want for Christmas this year.

Merry Christmas!

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What are we here for?

A friend posted a very interesting question to me today. He asked if I know the reason for being here. Meaning, the reason for being born.

I gave him a rather stupid answer. I told him that we are all passer bys. We come. Stay for an average 70 years or so and then we'll leave. It's the best that I can think of. He asked further : do you know why you came then? and last for that 70 years?

I was struck dumbfounded. Yea man. What is the reason for me being a passerby? Or anyone else for that matter? Further thoughts on it suggested no absolute answers. Since no one is able to tell you the purpose for your existence, the best would be to define your own. Create a purpose for being here. Boy, is that a hard one! Especially when we do not have the gifts nor the talents to create a new drug for cancer or some new technique to stop earthquakes.

I hope we can do better that loitering. Eating. Studying. Playing. Travelling. Flirting. Catching up with the latest movies. Working hard. Getting successful careers. Earn big bucks. Re-producing. Nourishing the young. And let the whole cycle start all over again.

Is that all what we are here for?

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Of marriage, husbands and kids

The ladies at my workplace were having a little slack time this quiet Saturday morning. The topic of men and babies crept up eventually as most of them have just started a family.

The conversation was intense, with each discussed about their husbands, their kids, their mother-in-laws, their washing machine, what to cook for dinner etc etc. They seemed to be having a good time comparing 'notes' and soughting advices. And these were ladies not very much elder than me.  It felt weird that I don't find these conversations interesting at all.

While some ladies are already preparing for family life, there are others who are still enjoying their singlehood. Yeaps. People like me. While some talk about diapers and dish washers, others talk about bungee-jumping and scuba diving. I guess different people do have different priorities.

And I can't say which is the better. The more conventional parties, of course, are of the opinion that ladies do have to be married and have their own family some day. So, the sooner you do that, the better. And they can make it sound so wrong for you if you don't do it. The more urbanised parties, on the other hand, wanted to delay marriage for as long as possible. They are of the opinion that youth do only come once in a lifetime. No way they are going to throw that all away and be tied down with commitments of a family.

Marriage, to me, is a long term plan. There is still so much out there to be seen and done. If you want me to choose between babysitting and backpacking, I guess I'll pick the latter. For the time being.

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10 reasons why men suck

Information was gathered through observations and interactions with my male counterparts. Although not all men behave the same way, but they are guilty of at least one of the reasons listed.

In no particular order:

1) Immature 
    They still spend a whole lot of time on computer games and animes. Someone ought to tell them that those
     aren't real and it's time for them to check back into reality. Or they could make better use of their spare
     time.

2) Losers
    Without their girlfriends around, they flirt, put an arm around your shoulder and offer to carry those stacks
     of files for you. In the presence of their girlfriends, all they do is say hi and don't even hold the door for
     you seeing that your arms are occupied.

3) Inconsiderate
    It never crossed their mind to escort their female friends to the car park during the late hours. Either they
    are oblivious to the dangers of society these days or they just couldn't be bothered.

4) Un-gentleman-ness
    They ring a lady up for a drink and expect her to pick him up. Or they expect her to get herself there. If
    she doesn't show up, she's deemed as not outgoing enough.

5) "Blind"
      Unless you look like Paris Hilton or Megan Fox, they somehow or rather look past you. No matter how
      witty you are.

6) Shallow
    It's pretty easy to get them to notice you even if you don't look like Paris Hilton. Show off some thigh and
    cleavage and there you go. You'll garnier their full attention.

7) Egoistic
    It's all about pride. No point in arguing with them. Cause even though they know they are in the wrong,
    they just won't admit it.

8) All talk and no action
    They are very good at boasting. "I am capable of this this this..." "I've done this this this..." If you are an
    empty vessel, please spare us.

9) Ungrateful...
    It's never enough to have a loving and understanding girlfriend. They like the thrill of having 3 affairs at the
    same time.

10) ....and foolish
    And they lose all 3 of them in the end.

Yet, for some reason, we still hang out with them.

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Was it right? Or was it wrong?

Often, the many decisions we make, there is no absolution on whether it's right or it's wrong. Many times, it's a gamble. Not knowing what lies ahead, not knowing what the outcome would be, we make the best estimation possible, put our best foot forward and follow our hearts. It is not until a certain time where our decisions have been 'judged', did we fall into the categories of regret or gratitude. No one is spared.

When you've picked the chicken burger over the vege salad, was it the right choice or the wrong one?
When you've decided to walk rather than hiring a cab, was it the right choice or the wrong one?
When you've hung out with your guy instead of your girl friends, was it the right choice or the wrong one?
When you've wanted to splurge rather than save up, was it the right choice or the wrong one?
When you've given up your job to be with your family, was it the right choice or the wrong one?
When you've gotten yourself caught in debts over that new property, was it the right choice or the wrong one?
When you've decided to leave everything behind and migrate overseas, was it the right choice or the wrong one?
When you've delayed having a baby over that new job promotion, was it the right choice or the wrong one?

How much time have we spent contemplating each move? Taking into account every pros and cons. Listing them down. Soughting advices from acquaintances. Flipping the coin. Talking to God. And "Ah hah!" Finally. I will go with the burger today.

How often did we tell ourselves that we have made the right choice, only to fidget and re-think that maybe we, in fact, made the wrong move? Of course it won't matter much if it's a burger or a salad. Cause you could always pick the salad tomorrow if you didn't picked it today. But would you be able to buy another property tomorrow when you've realised that you'd bought the wrong one today?

Decisions. So many have been afraid of  the aftermath that follows. Afraid that it will lead us to the unexpected. A twist in the events that precautions have not been made. Many have heard themselves expressing, "Sigh! I shouldn't have done this. I should have opted for the other alternative instead". And it is from these that others took reasonable precautions. Afraid of muttering the exact same words themselves. Not intending to follow the footsteps of those caught in the dilemma.

Yet, it is something that couldn't be avoided. You, somehow, still got to decide on something each passing day. There is no way that you could have known if the decisions made today were the right ones or the wrong ones for the coming future. People changed. Events changed. Circumstances changed. Perceptions changed. There's a possibility that you might not be the person you are today 10 years later, so let alone the decisions made.

We plan. We consider. We look into all aspects. And we just hope for the best. Hope that it was, indeed, the right move. Even if it was the wrong one later on, we would still hope that the effects will not be that severe. That the corrective measures were sufficient to make right the wrongs.

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In just a month...

It was really just a month. Exactly a month.

Life was moving at its usual pace. Things were the way it was. Self. Family. Friends. Work. Until a month ago. Something new crept up. Something unexpected. Something that sort of changed things for a little bit.

I was left with varied emotions. In this month alone, I've felt happy. I've felt glad. I've felt pampered. I've felt taken cared off. I've felt safe. And at the same time, I've felt afraid. I've felt sadness. I've felt pain. I've felt guilty. I've felt myself being selfish. I was in a confused state, where I no longer know which is the right thing to do. I no longer know which is the best thing that I should do.

Things are different now. For a little bit, as a new realization sets in. Conclusions have been reached. Promises have been made. All that is left was for time to do its job. Things will no longer be the same, for certain memories are definitely here to stay. Yet, it couldn't have been any better.

All these...in just merely a month....

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To the heart's desire?

If only we could ignore what others perceive. If only we could ignore what others have to say. If only we could ignore what the consequences would be. If only we wouldn't need to lie. If only we wouldn't need to cause so much pain. If only we could take back everything that has been said. If only we wouldn't need to be so cruel. If only we wouldn't need to deny. If only we could just follow the voices of our hearts.....

Certain things just happen. There isn't any reason. Yet, certain circumstances just wouldn't allow it to be. We try our best to act for the benefit of everyone. Even if it means to ignore what our heart says....

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Just a little

Just a little support...a little understanding...and a little love...is all it takes.

Yet, even just a little is just that too much to ask for. Even just a little is not permitted.

Just how much can one endure?

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