Favouritism

I am just not that good enough. I am never going to be that good enough. No matter what I do.

Just tell me what does it takes to satisfy all you people? Just tell me what do I got to do...

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Being emo

My trusty senior is pulling out from the job due to personal reasons. My manager demands that I show up at his place this instant just to do this one printing. My this other senior needs to be spoon fed on all the petty matters. Juniors are looking at me on the hiccups that they can't solve. More juniors turning up to me on all unrelated matters. I got two dinners to organise. I went back to office and couldn't find a single familiar face that I'm confortable with. A close friend rang to say goodbye. I looked into a friend's update and saw that she got to do what I had wanted to do. I need to decide on whether to further my studies or to switch to a new field.

All in once, I felt upset. I felt stressed. I felt alone. I felt like I don't belong. I have so many things running in my head. My little emotional blow up in FB garnered so many comments that I didn't know what to answer. Letting out to a few friends didn't helped ease the stress. Man, I'm having a massive headache....

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The chosen path

Life is already a chosen path. Laid out for you even before you were born. Arranged by higher forces. Which family to be born in. Which friends to play with you. Which field you should venture into. Which soulmate for you to keep. The ups and downs that comes your way. And eventually, how and when you should meet your end.

It's nothing you can change. Because the thing is, you don't even know what is being laid out. You walk through life everyday, taking one step at a time, not knowing what is in front. You turn back and realise that everything you ever did so far was the work of fate. Or destiny. Who could you thank? Who could you blame?

Often people used to wonder why isn't life the other way round? Why did it have to be this way? Why did it happened to her and not me? Why did it happened to me and not to him? Just how many whys out there that could be answered? You just got to accept that that's the way it was meant to be.

Certain people do feel dissatisfied. People rarely feel contented with what they have. They don't think they deserved it. They think they could be so much more better. Only certain circumstances do not allow them to do so. It's a waste. It's a pity that they couldn't take the opportunity in front of them. Not that they don't want to. Some just couldn't afford to do so.

It's just a matter on how you view life. To look into the blessings you received and be thankful for it. Or to dwell on your misfortunes and blame everyone for it. I would believe that what ever happens, happens for a reason. A window opens for every closed door. Are you sure you're looking in the right direction?

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Kenny's farewell....again!

He left. He came back. And now he's leaving again.

Each of his farewells were kinda in a mess la. Something will surely happen. I don't know why la. Just your luck la friend.

Anyway, adios friend! All the best and have fun in JB.

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The tendency to slap someone

You know the feeling where you get so frustrated that all you want to do is just to slap someone right in the face? And make them shut up right away. Yes. That's all I wanted to do. To give someone a huge tight slap and enjoy doing so. Man! People never do understand. The best way is to give them a reality check. "Wake up! Wake up! Wake up and smell the air!" Or they are just trying to dodge and ignore certain facts. Lagi-lah must slap. "What? You think I'm easy to mess with?"

The only reason that I didn't do so is that I'm civilised. Hah! I still got some senses in me. We shall deal with this in a more professional manner. Or should I say, I shall 'slap' you in a more polite way. I won't be leaving a five finger mark on your face. Tempt me further and you will be receiving more than that.

I didn't want to be that mad though. Sometimes, you just can't help it. When people test your patience to its limit, it's as good as unleashing the devil within. You just need to see how far the devil would go.

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Confessions of a shopaholic

I'm turning into one! How does that sound?

I'd be down to at least one mall every weekend. And I don't return empty handed. As the weeks passed, the shopping bags pilled. Yet, it doesn't seem to be enough. I still need shoes. I still need bags. I still need earrings. I still need tops. I seem to need really lots of things. Stuffs to put on myself. Stuffs to put in my car. Stuffs to put at home. Stuffs for everything.

But, not to worry. The bank hasn't come to me with letter of demands. I don't go around borrowing money. And my accounts are not empty either. You know those won't happen. Hah!

Look out for new styles! This is oh-so-fun to do.....

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Lousy connections

Just when I am in a rush for time, this wonderful thing of an internet happens to frustrate me even more. Well, not only the connection, but almost every application on my PC.

My Excel gone corrupted with loads of numbers all over. My GAMx took forever to move to the next screen. My mailbox was competing with the snail. Bursa Malaysia didn't allow me to access the informations I needed. A break in Facebook caused more distress when the page I wanted to get in lagged. Even Windows Media Player was playing tricks on me.

Fine. I shut the whole damn thing off and grabbed someone along for an Extreme Chocolate. Just not my day to work. What an excuse! But the excuse worked wonders. ;)

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Hooked on San Fran

I was in office the whole of last week, wrapping up some previous jobs and preparing for the next ones. A colleague noticed that San Francisco was having this promotion of a buy one free one for their Extreme range of drinks. And just so you know, there is one San Fran outlet on the ground floor of Menara Milenium.

What started out as a try-out for the promotion ended up as an addiction. We've been getting Extreme Mochas for the entire week! Everyday. The 2 of us. And the effect sure was 'extreme'. By the end of Friday, I was having this headache from all the caffeine that I've put in. Padan muka!

I told Sane she was bad influence. She said I'll surely miss our coffee moments when she wouldn't be in this week. Yeaaa...I still like Starbucks.

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Party!

I've always enjoyed a good drink, good music and good companions to keep the night going. I am a night person all right! And I'm a girl. Girls just wanna have fun!

Enjoyable. Exhausting but really enjoyable.

I shall consider going in flats the next time around. Heels hurts. My poor feet are aching.

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Hectic

Wondering why have I missed outings? Wondering why didn't I called? Wondering why don't I reply messages? Wondering why did I cut conversations short? Wondering why you seldom get to see me lately?

Well, I am still very much alive and kicking, of course. What else more could I be busy with? Of work la people. Of freaking loads of work. Day and night. Weekends. What ever time I can spare, I dedicated it all to this demanding job of mine. Damn, it's exhausting. I get so tired each week that all I want most is to sleep. Yet, it is never enough.

I'm all back now. Back to the chillings and hanging outs. It's the end of all the craziness. For the time being. Hopefully, this coming few weeks might not be so hectic. So that I'd get to pamper myself again. Yay!

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One real nice dude

"Wanna watch Angels & Demons?"
"Yea. Okayy."
"All right. I've bought 2 tickets for you and her tomorrow."
"Huh? Only me and her? What about you?"
"Oh. I'm not watching."
"You are not watching but you bought us tickets?"
"Yea..."

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"She will be late. Movie's starting in 5 minutes. Can you wait for her and hand her the tix while I get in first?"
"Sure. No problem. You get on in. I'll wait for her."

Just where else can you find this kind of friend? Not watching the movie but got us tix and waited for like 20 minutes. Without a word of complaint. And he didn't asked for the tickets money which he paid until I literally shoved it in his hands.

I find the whole incident really amusing. Big D, you are truly one of a kind.

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I miss......

A bump into an ex-senior just a moment ago brought back some laughs and got me missing my junior days. He was such a brotherly figure. The years have passed so darn fast. I'm a senior myself now. I miss running to him on unresolved issues. He'll surely figure something out. I miss being 'baby-ed' la you can say.

And then there's Kenny and Pinkie and the rest of them. Our days back then have been so much fun. Even with all the late nights and all the stressed out weekends. I want to be a junior again. I get to play. I get to be pampered. All the makans. All the trips. All the pantry gossips. All the crappings while being stuck at the client's. All the funny funny stories we left behind....

I am just being nostalgic. I just miss the days....

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Attitude

I am with an attitude. One that doesn't seem to be good. And one that certain people doesn't approve of. Yes. I do know. I can be pretty harsh. I have a certain temper. But not many has seen. You need certain circumstances to tick me off.

Who doesn't anyway? You think everyone is so calm and patient and nice and perfect all the time? You just haven't seen them all yet. Or worst, they could be pretending in front of you. The comparison you made is baseless and I got tired of reasoning with you.

All I know is that I am only human and I don't intend to be a fake.

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The one person who would treat you well is yourself

Yes. No other.

We were born alone. And we leave alone. All the other people are just passer-bys in the life that we live in. They come and go. They stay with us for a few years and then they would be gone. Then comes another set of people and after another few years, you'd meet a whole new set. The one who would stick by you from the start till the very would be your very own self.

There's no need to put too much hope on other people. There's no need to expect too much from them. They are not here to stay forever. You just need to be glad that they have at least passed your life once. It is your own self that you have to care about. It is your own self that you need to pamper.

You are the one person who would be there for you. You are the one person who would accompany yourself all the time. You are the one person who would lift yourself up when you are down. You are the one person to share all your joys. You are the one person who would never hurt yourself.

So how can certain people sacrifice their entire life for the benefit of someone else? Maybe to them, it's worth it. To me, it's called dumb. Yes, certain sacrifice could be made. But up till the detriment of yourself? That's totally idiotic. Maybe I sound a little self-centered. Well, maybe I am a little. But in this world of ours, it doesn't hurt to be a little selfish. Who would blame you for it? Who would blame you for treating yourself better?

It's time to make a change. I've learned to treat myself better. And it does feel good. Nothing feels better than to satisfy yourself first. The rest can come in later.

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Princessy mode kicking in

Aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

No mood to do anything. I've left my outstanding work untouched. It's the holidays. I can't get myself to think about the damn issues that needs to be solved. I know it'll be hectic when I return next week.

I'm not hanging out. I've turned down 2 outings tonight. Which is unlikely considering the fact that I'd jump at every opportunity to get out of the house.

I'm not doing anything at home either. Woke up late. Watched some TV. Went back to bed. Woke up to shower. Read some papers. Had dinner. Facebook-ed. And here I am. One whole day gone.

So what do I intend to do? Sleep. Sleep. And sleep. Serious. All I want is a good rest. All I need is a good rest. Work hard. Play harder. Dead tiring.

The princess is back in the house.

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