Michelle...missing you already

I really hate goodbyes.

My girl left for London this morning. Not too sure if she could adapt to the environment there. I certainly couldn't. I couldn't accept the fact that she is no longer here. I mean, c'mon...She's been with me for the past 10 years. Close and supportive.

Like any other Sunday, I woke up this morning feeling bored. I picked up the phone, thinking of calling her for window shopping, when I realised that she's already on the plane, a few hundred feet in the air. Old habits die hard. I wonder if I would still call her in the middle of the night, when I couldn't sleep.

Her dream of studying overseas have finally came true. I am happy for her. Girl, you better make the most of everything you can there. Take care of yourself, alright?

Miss you.

{ Continue Reading... }

Transcript

"She sense-ed that he was near. She turned around. Her intuition had been right. She was just in time to see him walk towards the door. With his back pack on his shoulder. He didn't notice. She wondered what was on his mind. He checked his watch, opened the door and headed out. "He was in a rush." As the door slowly closes, with his shadow still lingers, she knew this time that he wouldn't be back. Even if for the slight chances that he did, it would no longer be the same. The proximity that they shared all these while will disolve into memories of dust. As if it mattered to him. As if she mattered to him. Still, she was glad to have this one closed up look at him. She definitely will miss all those times they had. People do need to move on. That's something she will need to understand. She just didn't like the idea of her being the one who was left behind... "

{ Continue Reading... }

Rumour rumour...

I had thought that the matter had been laid to rest. But, apparently, it was not. It was brought up again just this evening. I knew exactly what gave rise to the misconception. It was actually all innocent play. People just needed something to talk about. I don't blame them.

I did my part in denying. It was not something bad. It was not something good either. People just didn't buy my explainations. Maybe I don't sound convincing enough. Can the other party(s) please don't remain silent? I need help here. I bet the other party(s) didn't even know what is going on. But the allegation is untrue. Not everything is what it seems to be.

The fire will die out. With time I hope. If you are observant enough, you'll get what I'm writing about.

(Reminds me of Mr Marcus. A lecturer of mine during my college days. Whenever he wanted to start a story, he'll go "rumour..rumour...")

{ Continue Reading... }

Me, changing...

I would like to say that I'm very much close-knitted to my friends. I sort of need them to be around to get things going. To get my life going, to be exact. I need to talk to them everyday. I need to hear from them everyday. Just a simple "Hey, just buzzing in to kacau.." will do. If possible, I would need to see them everyday as well. But due to work commitments, once a week is enough. Well, that's pretty much what we usually do actually. We hang out every other week.

A few years back, I would anticipate calls from them. My weekends would be sitting around and waiting for the phone to ring. And it usually does. Movies. Clubbings. Karaokes. Shoppings. Where ever. And for the few times that it didn't, I got really disappointed. I mean, "Why didn't they call?" when I clearly knew that something was planned. I got upset. I got hurt. I got slapped with reality. But I decided then to let it all go cause they are the ones whom I call friends.

Lately, it didn't really seem to matter and it didn't really seem to bother me. I no longer anticipate for calls. If it rings, it rings, If it doesn't, then it doesn't. I gave no emotion when I found out that some outing was planned without my involvement. "So you people when for a movie yesterday? Oh, okay." That's it. I didn't bother to know what movie. Or who went. Or where they watched it. I went flat and immune. Unlike previous years where I would already feel the anger creeping up on me.

These signalling they no longer bear an importance in my life? That I could go on even without them? Did I changed? I don't need them that much anymore? Did I find something else to replace them? It couldn't be. I still call. I still care. I still wanted to hang out. It's just different now. I gradually don't seem to care. I'm all like "what ever lah..." when it comes to them.

Man, this is so not good. I'm confused. What is happening to me?

{ Continue Reading... }

A little blabber...

It's been a tiring week. I was working late everyday. I know mine was considered nothing compared to those who'd been staying late for the past few months. But I kan princess? It's good enough already that I worked all the way till 12. The only thing that kept me going was my kaki-es around to keep the night alive and crappy.

"Hey, lunch together?" A message I got at 10 in the morning. "Eh, jom makan malam." Another message came at 4.30pm. And then there was the fun of bombarding ourselves with emails every other minute. Or the chills and jokes we made at each other during office hours. Now where in the world can you find this kind of job? Hah.

But out of no where, I was feeling rather down. Not about work. Not about family. Not about friends. Guess it's just me la. As usual. Mood swings. That's why you see me here at this hour, after a long day at work. I probably should be in bed, but I just need to get this thing out.

I know exactly where my problem lies. I know exactly what is it that would lift my spirits. It's just not up to me to decide if I could get it. Not my say. Not my call. I tried to use friends to compensate. But it's just different. They could never give me what I wanted. And they wouldn't stay for long. I do feel sorry for myself at times. I wonder if others feel the same as well.

Why is it so hard to get someone to listen to what I need to let out? I was always the one listening. When will people ever going to listen to me? Don't la see me as a being so tough. The tougher I look, the more vulnerable I actually am. I am, after all, still a girl.

My vision is getting blurry. Time to crash.

{ Continue Reading... }

Genting trip

I've had numerous, countless trips up to Genting. And yet I agreed to head up another time. With my fellow colleagues. No regrets. It was a short and enjoyable one. Good to release some stress and to take our minds off work. Many agreed that it was worth it. We should do this more often. Bukit Tinggi anyone?

I would say we kinda did quite a lot in one day. As usual, we took heaps of pictures. Not to mention we won with just ONE "showhand". Thank you Uncle Lim! Even though it was not much, but at least we got our dinner covered. The situation in the casino was just as tensed and crap as it is. Then we wasted some time in the arcade. Messing around. With all our professional attitude while working, this was how kiddy we can be.

I really did had fun.

{ Continue Reading... }