Me, changing...

I would like to say that I'm very much close-knitted to my friends. I sort of need them to be around to get things going. To get my life going, to be exact. I need to talk to them everyday. I need to hear from them everyday. Just a simple "Hey, just buzzing in to kacau.." will do. If possible, I would need to see them everyday as well. But due to work commitments, once a week is enough. Well, that's pretty much what we usually do actually. We hang out every other week.

A few years back, I would anticipate calls from them. My weekends would be sitting around and waiting for the phone to ring. And it usually does. Movies. Clubbings. Karaokes. Shoppings. Where ever. And for the few times that it didn't, I got really disappointed. I mean, "Why didn't they call?" when I clearly knew that something was planned. I got upset. I got hurt. I got slapped with reality. But I decided then to let it all go cause they are the ones whom I call friends.

Lately, it didn't really seem to matter and it didn't really seem to bother me. I no longer anticipate for calls. If it rings, it rings, If it doesn't, then it doesn't. I gave no emotion when I found out that some outing was planned without my involvement. "So you people when for a movie yesterday? Oh, okay." That's it. I didn't bother to know what movie. Or who went. Or where they watched it. I went flat and immune. Unlike previous years where I would already feel the anger creeping up on me.

These signalling they no longer bear an importance in my life? That I could go on even without them? Did I changed? I don't need them that much anymore? Did I find something else to replace them? It couldn't be. I still call. I still care. I still wanted to hang out. It's just different now. I gradually don't seem to care. I'm all like "what ever lah..." when it comes to them.

Man, this is so not good. I'm confused. What is happening to me?