Rough weeks

The past few weeks have been a real disaster. Things at work have not turned out so well. There was some sort of issue almost every day. After the third issue, I was starting to anticipate the next one. I went in to work every morning asking, "So what would be wrong today?".

I was being blamed for a mistake not by my doing. I was being blamed for something that I didn't know about. I was being blamed for a wrongly interpreted message by the other party. I was being blamed for not fixing a mess that was caused 3 years ago. I made mistakes that I don't usually do. I got to pick up after my staff. My work was mounting as I had so much to do. I was irritated. I was depressed. I didn't know what could I do. I thought of quitting.

Then I became superstitious. I suspected that my destiny had changed. My pre-determined course of events had changed. I went back to the shrink. I was desperate to know what could be made right. I was right. She read my signs and she knew. She told me exactly what had happened. The rough ride at work. And it was inevitable. Damn! She mentioned something about the sun, "my" sun, which came up at night. So my light has been shadowed. It is something that I have to go through. The only consolation is that its temporary. After its passed, work would run smoothly again.

I believed her and hung on to my job. I go into work each morning now knowing things would somehow or rather turn ugly. At least, now I learn to stay calm, keep my cool and try my best to handle things.

{ Continue Reading... }

The reason.....

We do things for a reason. Without one, there's no point in doing it. Simple. And what if we are doing something for the wrong kind of reasons? Or maybe it was not the intended reason? Would we, then, still continue to do it? That is the question.

I have not found the answer yet. But I did find myself conflicted, in certain situations. I do things without a reason. I do things for not the intended reasons. I have yet to do things for the wrong kind of reasons. Only on a few occasions that I do things for the right reasons.

And then comes another question. Why did I do it then? Yes, the big why. And just like the X-files, it is unjustifiable. It is unexplainable. I don't know why. But I did it anyway. Dumb. And then I started the questions. Questioning my very own actions. Trying to figure out why I did the things I did. Trying to get to the root cause of everything. There are no answers still.

So now do I continue with what I did? Would I be satisfied with the reasons I give myself? Should I ignore the reasons and move on? Or do I find a more suitable reason?

{ Continue Reading... }

Oh, it's the Dragon!

So, it's the last day to celebrate the Dragon.

The fireworks hasn't stop since 3 weeks ago. But my celebration only lasted one day. I was already back to work on the third day. The colleagues asked what was I doing in the office. I replied I was bored at home. Yea. As usual. As the years goes by, the excitement lacks. 

We weren't very traditional. No balik kampung. No prayers. No gambling. It's been a few years we have not cooked for our own reunion dinner. Probably there are not many elderly around now. So we don't really follow the rules much. We just put up the basics and that's it. That's our chinese new year.

And just like any other year, it won't do without the "Do you have a boyfriend?" and "When are you getting married?" questions. When I told them "No. I don't have a boyfriend yet and I don't plan to be married", the mocking starts and advises came from all angles to say that it's about time to be attached and be committed etc etc. However, one aunt told me otherwise. She told me not to rush things and to take my time in choosing a partner and not to settle down until I'm ready in doing so. Boy, I love this aunt!

May this new year be a better one. I hear the fates of "rats" are pretty good this year. Surely does hope so.

Happy New Year and Happy Chap Goh Meh!!!

{ Continue Reading... }