Not looking alike...

Apparently, we look nothing alike. Most people would not notice the similarity in us. Friends, colleagues, salesgirls, waiters, hairdresses etc. They would take us for friends rather than sisters. Maybe it's because we carry different styles. She's more on the cuter edge and I'm more...errr...sassy?

Whenever we were in the mall picking lipsticks, the sales girl there would usually say, "Why don't you take this natural one and your friend here can take the pink one?" We both turned, "Friend?" and laughed. Here we go again. Little sis would poke fun by asking, "You think we are friends?" I've always enjoyed their stuuned looks when I tell them that we are actually sisters. The unbelievable look. Totally amusing.

Me and my little sis...
Can you spot the difference? Or rather, can you spot the similarity?

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Scolding from Pa...

It was real funny. Anything regarding my pa is always humurous. Even the scolding don't seem to sound like a scolding at all. I laughed the whole way through.

He had a drink or two late last night. He felt that he was not too sober to drive back, so he had wanted to crash at my place. I was fine with it. My pa right...he can crash on my couch. When he rang at 2.30 am, neither of us were fully conscious to actually understand what we were saying. Him drunk, me deep in sleep.

"Lui, you slept already?"
"Hmmm....yeaaa...."
"I drank too much....."
"Ohhhh...."
"............hmmm......never mind.....it's okay....I think I'll drive home...."
"Huh...oh all right...take care....drive safe...."
-Clicked off-

Come this morning, he went furious all over me.

"How could you do such a thing? You should've insisted that I come over. How could you let me drive all the way back on my own? In a drunken state? Don't you at least worry for my safety? What if something happens along the way? What if I ended up the morning paper? I don't even know how I manage to get back. I couldn't see the junctions. I couldn't see the road signs. It was so awful dangerous. How could you? How could you??"

It was so amusing. The way he said it. I can't help but laughed. He grew more annoyed. Yes pa, I was at fault. So sorry. I shall look out for you next time. Only not at 2.30 am....

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Remedy...

* Lets play swing...*

*Me love Rachie...Rachie loves me*

Just what I need to maintain a certain sanity in life...

I had a good few hours of total lepaking...

Thank you folks!

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My way!

Time to bring out the princess in me. Geee! This is going to be fun.

I've been tolerating a lot of people. Yes. I put their needs and their feelings above mine. I think about them first before I think about myself. I made way for them. I was being polite. I was being courteous. It's called social manners. Right.

Wrong! Why the hell should I be so well-mannered? I shall tolerate no more. I would like to think about me now. Me. Myself. And I. No one else. It's gonna be my way. How I want it. Where I want it. When I want it. My call. If people don't like it, then fine. I don't give a damn.

Princessess usually get what they want. Okay. I'm no real princess. So I might not get what I want. But, at least, I get to give people a hard time. And to tick of their anger a little bit.

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Blur Queen

"You blur blur wan la you..."

The phrase has been thrown at me numerous times. People never fail to remind me of it. The latest one came from uncle just last Saturday.

Dear everyone that knows me, am I really that blur?

Shucks! It doesn't seem to be a good thing.

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Dodging...

Avoiding. Running away. Ignoring.

There's this something that I got to do. Due to multiple pressures being laid on, I lost track. I lost direction. I lost the spirit. I lost the will.

To take my mind off it, I hung out more. I agreed to what ever outing that came my way. I came up with all kinds of excuses. I left it unattended. I pushed it to the very end. To the very last minute where I knew it had to be done. Still, I don't have the heart for it. So, I delayed it some more.

I actually had today to, at least, finish off something. But it's Thaipusam plus Chap Goh Meh plus Cheryn's birthday. Off all the things, it's the least important. The truth is, it's no longer a priority. So many other things preceeded. But, it has to be done. Yet, I'm still dodging.

Just how long more could I keep running? Just how long more could I sustain before being screwed badly?

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Trust betrayed

Just how could this even happened? What on earth happened to trust and friendship?

You call yourself a friend. Someone whom others look for when they are having some sort of hardships in life. Someone to offer a shoulder to cry on. Someone to offer an ear to listen. Someone to offer a hand. And yet, after all these years, after all the trust laid on you, I couldn't understand why you had to this.

You betrayed a friend. You betrayed someone close. You betrayed her trust in you! OUR trust in you. This is totally nonsense. It's insane! What kind of person would do such a thing? Have you thought about the consequences? Have you thought about how much hurt it would caused? Is this what you want? What has she done to you to deserve this? What have we done to you?

You've sparked the flames of anger. You are a true disappointment! You really are. How dumb were we to let you in. How dumb were we to lay hopes that you would improve one day. Clearly you do not cherish the friendship we made. Clearly it is all not worth it for you. Then so be it. You've just wrecked the entire thing. Rest assured that it will never be the same again. Ever!

You can save your reason for yourself. What ever it is, I don't think it's a reason at all. You've shown your true colours. And now we see it clearly. Just bear in mind that what ever goes around, comes back around! You've lost us. Just so you know.

For those who were affected, no worries. We got your backs. That's what friends are for.

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A hole in the pocket

New year. Not a good start.

Well, no luck in this...

Seriously no luck...

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I left you behind...

Today in history. Exactly one year ago. At CH. My junior had to remind me of it. Well, of course he will forever remember this day. The day that I, his senior, left without him. Yeaps. I was mean.

It was 1/2/2008. Federal Territory Day. Holiday! And I had to work. Although I was not the only one who had to sacrifice the holiday, still, it felt wrong. I made sure I left exactly on time to make myself feel better. C'mon! You would too wouldn't you? Furthermore, I had plans for the night.

5.15 pm. He was no where in sight. I thought of giving him some more time before I wrap up for the day. 5.30 pm. He was still not to be seen. I rang his cell. No answer. Another ring. No answer. Another ring. Still no answer. Okay. I don't know how long more I should wait. I packed and took the elevator down to the car park. 10 minutes later, he called.

"Hello, where are you?" (Obviously, he saw that my things were gone.)
"I left. Where did you go?"
"Huh!? So early? I was at my prayers."
"What so early? Today's a holiday. By right, we shoudn't even be working. 8 hours of OT is way more than enough. You can pack and go home as well."
"Oh. Okay. Since you say so."
"And next time, please let me know of your whereabouts."
"Okieee..."

Boy! You're still keeping this at heart. And you had to bring it up after one year. All right. I was at fault. Thousand apologies. It was not on purpose. I didn't know where to look for you then. I did call okay.

I just gave you a reason to always remember this day. Happy holiday!

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My girl weds

2 years ago, they announced their engagement. 7 months ago, she asked us to be 'ji mui'. 1 month ago, they exchanged vows. They have been together for 7 years. We've watched them hit it off from the very first day till today where they were finally married. Theirs is one of a fairytale. The prince and the princess. Happily ever after. Sweet!

It was a very busy day on the 3rd of Jan 2009. Her big day! And as 'ji muis', there was much to do. Arriving early for preparations, running up and down, helping here and there, taking loads and loads of pics, fooling all around, getting all dressed up, seeing her walk out the door and into the hands of her hubby dear....It was certainly a day to remember. Especially even so for her. No doubt.

It's a new step in her life. A whole new status. A whole new person. A whole new family. A whole new everything la. Am happy for her.

Hmmmm...wonder what is it like being a Mrs? =P

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One big question

No. Not one big question. A whole loads of questions. All with no solutions.

"Don't know" has been a personal favourite lately. Don't mean to mock. The truth is, I really don't know. I don't have the answers to anything.

"Is your job done?"..........."I don't know..."
"Are you working this week?"........."I don't know..."
"Would you be going for the outing?"........."I don't know..."
"Are you still thinking about it?"......"I don't know..."
"When do you want this report?"....."I don't know..."
"What do you intend to do?"...."I don't know...."

My head is like a piece of blank paper. No writings. No scribbles. No prints. No colours. Nothing.
Unable to see. Unable to think. Unable to decide.

Shucks! What on earth has got into me? Why am I only feeling lost at this point of time? I am so way grown up to be going through all these. Even my friends are getting sick of hearing the same "don't knows" over and over again. Can't help it mates. Ask me just about anything now and most likely you'll be getting the same answers.

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Lunar year of the Ox

The Rat came and went. Lets hail the Ox!

I don't know if it's suppose to be a better year or otherwise. Different feng shui masters tell you different predictions for the new year. One said it's good for you. The other said it's bad. They need to co-ordinate their facts first before releasing them to the public. Like whose advice are we suppose to heed now?

The last couple of days have been busy....and tiring. Been out visiting and getting together with family and relatives. You know. Those aunts, uncles and cousins whom you only see once a year. Only during chinese new years. And like a tape recorder, they ask the very same things that they did the year before.

" Happy new year! Wah..so tall and pretty already. Here...an ang pow for you. Have you graduated? Oh...you have. Where are you working now? Oh...that's good. Earning big bucks now huh? How's the job? My daughter is still studying. She's in Australia doing...bla bla bla..Any boyfriends? Never mind...still young. Take your time..."

They are just so very cute. I enjoyed telling them over and over again about my life. No matter what they have to comment, you won't go wrong in smiling and replying, "Yes. Yes. Hope the new year brings new hope, new fortune and new beginnings....." You can be a tape recorder yourself as well.

What's chinese new year without the food, right? Tonnes of them. You munch a little at every place you go and in the end you'd realised that you could no longer stop munching. There's the pineapple tart. There's the mandarin orange. There's the kuaci. There's the kueh-kar-pek. There's the peanuts. There's the chocolates. There's the sweet cookie. There's the ice-cream (Yes. I've finally satisfied my cravings). Then, there are the lou-sangs, the dinners, dinners, and more dinners. Grrrreeeaaattt. I can already feel my tummy expanding.

It's not over yet Ox! It's just the beginning.

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One costly phone call

11.15 pm.

Following up on my previous entry, I was still stressed and depressed. Sat on the edge of my bed, not wanting to sleep, not wanting to shower. Not wanting to move. Not wanting to do anything. This thing is like inside me waiting to burst out. Picked up the phone. Couldn't find anyone suitable to talk to. Browsed some more. Ahah! Hit 'dial'. The all too familiar "Haelo..." came through.

The call went all the way to UK. Where my sakai sampat is currently residing. All I had intended was to have a quick chat to take my mind off this thing that's been bugging me. Heck! The conversation lasted for as long as over an hour. On my tab!

I filled her in in bits and pieces. Not revealing the whole picture. Arousing her curiosities and keeping her anxious was truly enjoying. I had fun. "I don't know what more to guess already. You are leaving me with so many questions without answers. But one thing I'm very sure of. I am very certain that all your nails are all gone!" I burst out laughing. How so very true. Indeed. She knows I can't kick the habit of bitting my nails when I'm full of thoughts. She definitely knows me well.

You know what? In times like this, I could really use you for some talk over Starbucks. No. We've grown up. We shall talk over red wine or whisky now. Haha. You promised to go drinking with me. I am waiting for your return. It would be on YOUR tab then!

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Stressed, depressed

These few weeks have been tough. Right after the new year, on the first day of work, till today. I have so much to do, so much on my mind, yet so little time. Priority no longer works cause everything is of upmost important. I don't even know what to start with. I am so screwed.

Of work, I have this deadline to meet. I am trying hard. But it just don't seem to work out. I have too many things to settle before we give the clearance. And yet I am doing it all alone. And I don't know everything. It's frustrating as the date gets nearer and your "to do list" still remained that long. I'm stuck with no help and boss keeps asking, "So how? Have you solved it? Can we give clearance then?" Man! Gimme a break!

Deja vu. The year starts and I've got news that a few more people are leaving the firm. All close acquiantances. Again. Just like last year. I've lost all mood for work. My pillars of strengths are almost all gone now. I need my people. Just how can I go on without them?

Guilt sets in. I was so occupied with work that I neglected both family and friends. My friend called and said she needed someone to talk to. I would have been there for her right away had it not been for that damn deadline that I was rushing to meet. I knew how much I had let her down. But I just couldn't help it. I am so sorry girl.

Chinese New Year is next week. I should be helping out in preparations. As with the previous years. For the deadline again, I have not done a single thing in helping out this year. Mum went cookie shopping alone. I didn't get myself involved in choosing decos. I've missed out on spring cleaning. I haven't even get myself new clothes yet. New year this year doesn't seem like new year at all. Sigh! What has work done to me?

And then I was caught in my own thoughts if this is really what I want in life. Do I continue what I'm doing now or do I take another direction and do some other things? But what? It's been playing on and on. No answer has been found. Cause I've not been thinking hard enough. How do you suppose I do that when I have like a million things on mind? My mind has been switching to and fro from finishing my job, to explaining to boss, to making up for my friend, to spending more time with family to what I want in life...argh!!!

This has come at an inappropriate time. It's the least that I would want to think about now. But as you know life, things just happen. I am in doubt. I doubt the doubt. Yea. Events of that night flashes back all the time. It goes spinning spinning in my head. Until a certain point, I give up thinking about it. But it comes back not too long later. And I start doubting again. My heart beats fast. This is just so 'fun'. So very 'fun'.....

I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs. I feel like hitting out at someone. I feel like gulping down big big scoops of ice-creams. I feel like sipping on all the Starbucks that I can get. I feel like squezzing some one tight. I feel like getting myself drunk. Lucky I don't feel like jumping off a cliff.....yet.

Just what has got into me?
Who am I?

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Forget about it!

You know what, the problem with me, if something happened or being said, it stays intact in my head. Anything at all. Be it something good or not so good. And this thing have been in my head for a week now. It kills me not being able to know what did it actually mean. It kills me even more when I just let it be. I know you told me not to worry about it. I know you told me to just let it go. I know you told me to wait for further notice. Heck, maybe I shoudn't even wait for further notice. But it keeps running in my head. And I can't get it off! Arghhh! Every night when I sleep, it just keeps coming back. What's the big deal about it anyway? It's not such a big deal. It happens all the time. It's society's norm. It's never such a big deal. So, why am I making all the fuss about it? I am matured enough to handle it. Why can't I just forget about it and assume it never did happened? But it did happened. As far as I thought that I was dreaming, I wasn't. Or was I? Beacause if I was, then maybe I don't really want to wake up? It's just too good to be true. Or am I just lying to myself? It has to be. Gosh! I need to lay this all off. It's driving me insane!

Forget about it. Forget about it. Forget about it. Forget about it. Forget about it. Forget about it. Forget about it.

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