'Dancing' in the rain

It was raining. I was in the office, preparing an urgent letter to be signed by the boss. Letter prepared. I walked to the boss's room, knocked on the door, got a nod from the boss and walked in.

"Mr X, here's the letter. Your signature required."

Boss took the letter, read through it, looked at me, signed the letter and smiled at me. I raised an eyebrow, indicating to the boss on what the smile was all about. Cause if there was something wrong with the letter, he wouldn't have signed it.

"Why do you always seem like dancing whenever you walked in?"

"Huuh, did I? Didn't notice."

"Yea. Seemed to be a little playful."

"Ohh, it's just the way I walk. And to create a more relaxed atmosphere."

"Hahahaha....be more proper when the big shots are in."

"Yess boss."

I walked back out of the room. Was I dancing when I walked? Perhaps I did. Recalled that a previous manager had commented a few years back that I used to skip when I walk. And another comment from a junior a long time ago that I jump when I walk. Alright now, seems that all kinds of words have used to describe the way I walk. History has repeated.

Oh well, I guess it's in my nature to be jolly. But of course, it's with due consideration given to the current position that I'm holding.  =)

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2011 stepped in

New year. New hopes. New resolutions.

May this year bring me favourable surprises!

Meant to post this on the very first day of the year. But due to a string of events, it got delayed. I guess it's not too late now either.

Happy New Year folks!

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Bitter

The one thing I learnt today, is to count on no one but yourself. If you hoped that someone would be there to lend a hand or to save your day, you can keep on hoping. To wait for help to come would be like waiting for rain in a desert. It would be so much better to deal with it on your very own.

They are all so full of lies. Hipocrites on their own being. Families and friends alike. And you can leave those who doesn't fit into the 2 categories, out. They always have this to say, "You can count on me." "You can be rest assured that I always be by your side." "You do not have to worry, for we will always be there for you." Or "Just buzz anytime, we'll always make time for you." Total bullshits!

In times of real trouble, in times of dire need, just how many would be there by your side, holding your hand and guiding you step by step? Just how many would pick that call and come straight to your aid? Face the fact. Humans being humans, are always that self-centred. It's always me, myself and I and no one else.

I will be there if there's something to my benefit. If it's not, then to hell with you. Never mind that I've said that I will always be there for you. Yea, I'll be there alright, if I won't be in a detrimental situation. Who are you for me to waste my time and effort for? So what if you're a family or a friend? In the very end, of course the most important person to me is myself. Not even family. Not even friends. Not even spouses.

The next time you say "You can always count on me", please think long and hard before you say it. If you can't keep the promise, please don't make a dumbass fool out of yourselves.

Yes, I am very bitter here today. Cause I got sick of those phrases, which I fell for all these while. To start of my first new year's resolution, I will count on myself from now on. And I won't be sorry for being self-centred.

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Dear Santa,

It's the time of the year again, where your mailbox is full of letters of wishes. As with the rest of the world, I would be of no exception in dropping my wish to your mailbox this year as well.

This year, Santa, I wish........for all the blessings that had been bestowed upon me, to not be taken away. I am grateful for all that I have. Santa, that's all I want for Christmas this year.

Merry Christmas!

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Fast & Furious

If you want me to slow down and do one thing at a time, I won't be able to. Not only the circumstances doesn't allow it, I am just somehow not associated with the term "slow and steady". I have been taught to be "fast and furious", and that's what I have been doing lately. Being fast....and very furious.

I have these messages laid on my desk for the past week. It was the same caller, who left messages each day to my staff when he couldn't reach me, reminding me to return his call. It's not that I was avoiding him or that the messages slipped my mind. Each time I looked at the messages, I just couldn't get the chance nor the time to ring him back. Guilty.

Like a race car drifting down from a hill, I have been "drifting" in and out from one agenda to the next. Discussion with the programmer to improve the existing system. Meeting with boss to set the prices of a new service. Meeting with a vendor to renew a contract. Meeting with a service provider on a fee settlement issue. Meeting with the consultants on the ISO project. Initiating and coordinating a new team in conjuction with the same ISO project. Providing counselling to problematic staffs. Draft the terms of another new agreement. Complete the annual staff appraisals. Research on some tax issues which was raised by the boss. Tighten up the controls on certain areas and to re-educate the relevant staffs. Solving the issues of the other departments. And the list goes on....

Finally, when no one was knocking on my door and that all emails have been addressed, there came the call from the banker for some urgent information. Or the call from the lawyer for some updates. Or the call from the insurance agent. Or the call from the next department asking for some references. Or the calls from ex-colleagues for technical advices.

While I was "zoom"-ing in and out to get things done, there are people who doesn't move on the same pace that I am, which could be very very very frustrating. Reports required not submitted to me on time. Previous agreements could not be found. Appointments not arranged. Policies were not read. Relevant approvals not obtained. Instructions not conveyed to junior levels. Letters passed to me at the very last minute.

Just like on the hill, while I'm "drifting" downhill with high speed, there are these balls laying around, stagnant, blocking the way. I've got to kick them in the right direction so that they'll roll out of the way and move on. And not just one kick, I've got to kick them numerous times to keep them up to my pace. When the kicking doesn't work, I've got to start throwing out my temper and raising my voice. Then only they start to move a little. OMG! Really OMG!

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Wimp

"You obviously know that this is not it. You obviously know that your heart is telling you to head some where else. And not only you, those close enough to you is able to tell that you do not want this as well. But yet, you choose to remain where you are. There is no wall in front of you. Nothing is holding you back. There is literally nothing that is stopping you from pursuing your desires. You just can't let it go. You can't bring yourself to lay down all that you've acheived so far. You can't accept what society might perceive of you. By doing so, you are just living the life as in the eyes of others. You are not living the life as the way you see it. A better way to say it is that you are conservative. The harsher way would be that you lack the courage. You didn't dare to opt for a change. You didn't dare to take a detour in life. You didn't dare to gamble your future. You'd rather stay unhappy in your current comfortable position than to pursue a more satisfactory but riskier path. But life is what you make out of it. Life is how you mould it to be. Think about it. And see whether you still want to stay on or move on. There is always a choice. And the choice is always yours to make."

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There's A Place For Us

Of the soundtrack from the latest Narnia installment.

I've never really fancied kiddy movies. Maybe I've grown up over fairy tales and magic. But the movie proved to be rather inspiring - if you apply certain parts of it into reality.

Enjoy!

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CPD

Totally forgotten about my CPDs for the year!

Don't know what it is? It's those points which you've got to accumulate in a year in order to retain that membership to a certain professional body. I need 40 points! Which I've totally forgotten about after I left EY.

So now I've got to cramp 40 points in one month. To be exact, less than a month! Oh boy!

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License to dive

Next year. Armed with an oxygen tank, a wet suit, mask and a pair of fins, I'll be able to experience these marvelous underwater sights. Imagine to be able to swim along side barracudas, hawksbill turtles, eagle rays and scallop hammerhead sharks. And maybe if I'm lucky, I might be able to touch one of them, without losing any part of my body, I hope. Yay! It's scuba diving man! It's gonna be one heck of an experience.Wait for me!

Well, NOT! With just a word from the doctor, I've got to thrash the entire idea into the bin. Along with part of the cost paid. The reason : Scuba diving has health  implications, if you don't do it properly. So, it is unwise to take the risk. Damn! There goes the clown fishes that I was anticipating to play with.

It's one of the top diving spots in the world, with hundreds or maybe thousands of international divers diving in its waters each year. And yet, as a Malaysian, I've been ignorant of its existence until a friend suggested for a trip there. Just as I was getting to know our very own Sipadan Island, the doctor said no. Some luck! So near yet so far.

Thus, as far as I'm concerned, the beauty of Sipadan and all underwater wonders shall forever remain where it is - under the depths of the sea. Undiscovered.

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Changing times

3 years ago, on a night like this, I would have been out partying. 3 years after that, on this night, look what am I doing? Lazying at home staring at the computer screen.

3 years ago, on a night like this, calls would be coming in for dozens of activities which I can't even decide which to go to. 3 years after that, on this night, I've got to make calls to find my own activities and I'd be lucky to even get one.

3 years ago, on a nght like this, most people would be keen to head up to Genting Highlands for a cup of Starbucks in the middle of the night. 3 years after that, on this night, most people woud prefer to hang in front of the TV to catch the latest TV series.

Times have changed. No longer are we gathered in a large group. Some have left the country. Some have gotten married. And the rest are out there busy continuing on down their own paths. It's time we do the same. It's time that I do the same. To carve my own path. And to live the life I want.

I'd like to know what would I be doing 3 years later, on a night like this?

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When life gets rough...

Sometimes, you just need that little pat on the shoulder....
Those little words of encouragement...
A little hug for some support...
And a little smile to make your day.

Just a little "No worries. Everything will be all right" does make a difference....

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Still looking back.......

After being gone for almost 8 months now, I still find it hard to leave the life in my previous firm. It's a love hate kind of a thing. And I realize that a lot of those who have left felt the same way too.

We dreaded going to work so much back then due to the impossible deadlines, the demanding bosses, the late nights, the never ending stress and the lack of personal time. Yet, at the same time, we anticipate stepping into the office into the laughter of our team mates, the gossiping sessions in the lounge, the group trips and parties, the team work, the flexible hours and the occasional treats from our bosses.

Looking at the pictures from those who are still there, I get this mixed emotion whereby I was glad that I left and I was glad that I had been part of them. I can't stop bringing up the stories of my previous place to my new colleagues. And some of us still actually take note of the on-goings there. There is a beam of pride some where inside. We pride ourselves in working for a reputable firm. We pride ourselves in surviving the impossible. We pride ourselves in the numerous friendships we made. We pride ourselves that our opinions are still being sought, even after we've left.

Every now and then, we hear complaints from the rest that no where else beats the culture back then. "My staffs are not as competent." "My department doesn't portray the type of team work we had." "My organization doesn't hold annual parties or annual dinners." "My boss doesn't have pep talks with us like we used to." "We no longer have lunch in a large group." etc etc.

Frankly speaking, we miss the ole days. And unless we head back in, it's kind of hard to find another place like it.

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What are we here for?

A friend posted a very interesting question to me today. He asked if I know the reason for being here. Meaning, the reason for being born.

I gave him a rather stupid answer. I told him that we are all passer bys. We come. Stay for an average 70 years or so and then we'll leave. It's the best that I can think of. He asked further : do you know why you came then? and last for that 70 years?

I was struck dumbfounded. Yea man. What is the reason for me being a passerby? Or anyone else for that matter? Further thoughts on it suggested no absolute answers. Since no one is able to tell you the purpose for your existence, the best would be to define your own. Create a purpose for being here. Boy, is that a hard one! Especially when we do not have the gifts nor the talents to create a new drug for cancer or some new technique to stop earthquakes.

I hope we can do better that loitering. Eating. Studying. Playing. Travelling. Flirting. Catching up with the latest movies. Working hard. Getting successful careers. Earn big bucks. Re-producing. Nourishing the young. And let the whole cycle start all over again.

Is that all what we are here for?

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The zone of no debate

The manager of one of the department's barged into my room this morning.....

xxx  : How can you send out this kind of notification?

Me  : Which notification is this?

xxx  : There...the one where u amended the procedures....

Me  : What is wrong with them?

xxx  : Perhaps you are not aware. We have been doing this way all this time. There wasn't any issue. Now you wanted to scrap the procedure and implement a new one. It's not going to work.

Me  : Why won't it work? I've noticed flaws in the previous one. There wasn't any issues then doesn't mean there won't be issues in the future. I'm helping you to improve the system.

xxx  : In the new procedures, it seems that all the responsibility has been pushed to us. What does your department do then?

Me : My department is on the back end. Of course these matters have to be initiated from your side. Your department is the core of the organisation. Without your approval, it's not likely for me to proceed.

xxx : So, if anything goes wrong, then I am to be blamed?

Me : If you follow the proper codes and conducts, then no one would blame you for anything right?

xxx : .................. I still don't like this. I'm speaking to the GM.

All in a days work.

The toughest thing to handle is the mind. Especially the mindset of elder generations. Sometimes, you just feel like splashing them with cold water. It's the 21st century! Haven't you noticed? We don't do things like the 'old' days anymore.

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"You want it all, you want it small"

Behold my new toy.

The all new HTC Aria. 

Ready to go.

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