To leave or to be left behind?

I wonder which would be better? To be the one leaving everything behind or to be the one left behind?

I can't vouch for the former, as I am still here from where I was 28 years ago. But as for the latter, there have been far too many of those.

I didn't take the first departure very well. I couldn't accept that someone close have been "ripped" from my life. That we would no longer do the things we used to do. And we couldn't see each other as often as we wanted to. But more importantly, it's the feeling of losing a companion that is hard to bear. And sooner or later, it's the fear of losing the memory of them entirely.

And then came the second departure and then the third and the fourth and so on. You must be thinking that by now, I should have known how to handle them. In fact, I don't. I don't know how to let people go. I don't know how to let people dear to me go.

David left for Vietnam. Kenny to Singapore. Oliver to Singapore too. Then Sue to London. Li Wei married off to Penang. My sister to Singapore as well. With Chris and Lydia to follow suit this month.

I know there's the phone and the email and skype and facebook and what not. But it still beats seeing them in person and having them close by. Yea, call me traditional but that's me.  

Of course I do know too that it's the way of life. People come, people go. But like what they always say, letting go is usually one of the hardest thing. And I suck at that. I suck at letting go. I don't wipe away what has happened. I don't erase my memory card.

Hopefully, this would be the final piece of me being left behind. I believe I have posted more about this previously. I either learn to let go and move on or I'll start planning to leave too.....

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Here comes 2012

Right. There goes another year. As usual, it slipped past with the slightest realization.

This year hasn't really been quite a good one. Looking back, there's not much to be proud off. Not many joyful moments to share. Nothing out of the ordinary happened. I sure wish next year brings better luck and adventures.

Here's adios to 2011. And Happy 2012!

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Twists in the twist

Gosh, my last post was in October. Time has slipped by so much. And it's only 20 days more to the end of the year. But then again, this ain't nothing new.

Okay, another synopsis to my "story" so far:

I have been promoted. Yeaps. The manager left, so the position was offered to me. And I sort of jumped at it. Good opportunity, you know. Serves me right now that my workload has increased tenfold. Lets see, it's the daily operations, plus a valuation/restructuring project, plus year end audits, plus budgeting for next year, plus "polishing" departments, plus sorting out some arguments in the office...and not to mention, bossing around. My job has just got real interesting. Ohh, and I did get a bigger room with a huge window. But the view outside is not so great. 

And then, I brought on more work for myself by agreeing to invest in a franchise business, along with a few other friends. It's still in the initial stages though. Discussions... discussions... researches.. researches...plannings...and more discussions. Boy, it's damn a lot of work to do. I'll be my own boss soon! If things go as planned and perhaps with a little luck.....

As if the above are not keeping my hands full enough, I went on to decide to make my own Christmas gifts this year. It's the jolly season and this time, instead of buying, I felt like chipping in the fun. I realize soon enough that I suck at art. Big time. Even after browsing through so many YouTube videos. So this would be the last time that I'll be making any gifts. I shall just stick back to the ready made ones on the shelves.

Alrighty, I guess that's about it, for the time being. I've not left blogging yet. So I'll write something when I have the time in between all that I got to do. And right now, I just got to do one more thing before I hit the sack...

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Twist of events

Well...well...well.....A month has passed since my last post and here's a round up on what has happened so far:

1) Things at the new company is not as good as it seemed to be. One week after I got in, the manager tendered. And then a few others did the same as well. The grapevine has it that something is not too right with the way management manages the company. A lot of complaints. A lot of disatisfactions. A lot of scoldings from the bosses. I'll disregard them as personal opinions if 1 or 2 person were to grumble. But, if more than 5 person grumble the exact same thing, then I'd presume that it's a fact. It gets even more scary when the outgoing manager kept telling me to watch my back and to beware of certain people. Oh boy, did I make another wrong decision in joining this company?

2) The desire to quit has been reinforced. The desire to quit the profession to be exact. I am getting more miserable which each passing day. As I sit at my desk each morning, I ask myself why am I here again today to look at these numbers again. I still don't find the purpose and the passion in all that I do now, no matter how hard I tried. I keep having this feeling that I'm not suppose to do this. That I'm meant for something else. But I just couldn't figure out what this other thing is. On the other hand, I'm afraid to take this leap out. I can't get myself to let go off my status and my achievements so far. So, actually, that leaves me no where other than mounting miserability.

3) I don't know why this has bugged me, but it did distress me. I am being lamented for being too young. It surprises people when they found out that I'm 27. Only 27 and already in this position? Unbelievable! Yeah, that's the response they usually give me. And along with that comes disrespect and unconfidence. I am being doubted for my abilities because of my age. It's hard to get things done when people treats you like a kid. I have become a victim of age discrimination. And I'm not too happy about it.

It has been one full depressing month. How I wish someone could just shed some light and just tell me exactly what to do.

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Nervous

I know there's probably not much to worry about. It's not something which I have not dealt before. It's not, at all, something new. C'mon, judging from where I came from, this will probably be just a piece of cake. But, as with all uncertainties, the anxiety just pops in. The fear of not knowing what to expect. The fear of being judged. The fear of not being able to fit in.

Ah, perhaps I just got to suck it all in and put on my best foot forward. I should trust myself to be fully equipped to embrace what ever lies ahead.

Wish me luck!

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Yet another last day

Last working day that is.

So, as I go around, bidding my farewells, I was relieved to dump all the unsolved problems and uncompleted work to my replacement, whom reported to work just today. Yea, I am mean.

This time around, I didn't feel reluctant. Or hesitant. Or sad even. Just glad. And very relieved. Phew! Finally I can let it all go and leave the place. Which was after all, not as great as I thought it would be.

Well then, all the best to them! Let's hope that they'll grow and prosper.

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Sinful bliss

Guilty with pleasure.

I was at work last week when all the rest were still on holiday. So, the mischievous side pop up and since no one was watching, I shut the door, pulled down the blinds, sat back, inserted a DVD into the laptop and waaa-laaaaa....


And to be exact, I've not only watched 1.....but 3 movies on that same day!

Ahhhh....the advantages of having your own room.......

*smiles*

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Universal Studios Singapore

So, I managed to coax a friend into traveling down south for the Raya holidays. The boredom has reached it heights and it just felt like I got to get out of the house and go some where. The lodgings and the entrance tickets were bought at the very last minute, which was half a day before the trip. Surprisingly, and luckily, not only were they still available, they were very very very reasonable as well.

We put up at Thistle Hotel, Johor Bahru. In case you are wondering, it's on the same stretch as Danga Bay and around 5 minutes drive to the Woodlands checkpoint. Like I said, for a last minute booking which coincided with the festive season, we had been very very lucky. Our room had a full view of the sea and it came with a rather spacious bath tub. So, after the 4 hours drive, all we did was soaked ourselves in the tub and enjoyed the fireworks display on the hotel bed at night.

The initial expectation of the Studio was rather high, after all the hype and the "hoo-hah" that was made out of it. But after that one day tour of the entire place, I didn't think that it was that grand after all. I wouldn't return for a second visit. Perhaps part of the reason could be attributed to the heat and the endless crowd. Perhaps another reason would be the age factor. I'm no longer 10 you see. But I do give them credit for their excellent customer service and the fact that they gave employment opportunities to senior citizens.

The place housed 6 themes. And you could cover them all in one day. Provided you get in right when they open and leave right when they close. It's rather standard for all of them. Each theme boasts 1 or 2 shows, food stalls, souvenier shops and perhaps another 1 or 2 rides. We skipped the rides. I bet you would too when the queue was like snake long. No point "fighting" with kids and their parents. But we did waited in line for 45 minutes for a 15 minutes 4D Shrek movie. Under the scorching heat of the sun. It was worth it. Oh, another thing to applaud the Studio. All of their shows had been fantastic. We ended the day with a little winning at the casino. Hah! At least the parking fare was taken cared of.

 

 

 

 

Oh, and one more thing. Did caught up briefly with Kenny and Jac in JB. Nothing could be more perfect than to meet up old friends over a glass of beer. Just like the good old days. They are doing well and fine. Some people just never change. :)

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Companion

Why is it just so tough? Why is it just so difficult? Why couldn't I just get what I want? It's not really that too much to ask for. All I ask for is just someone who could share my passion. Someone who could share my interest, my dreams, my likes.

I like to have afternoon tea at Starbucks. I like to hit the pool on weekends. I like to catch blockbuster movies. I like to go for spontaneous holidays. I enjoy getting my hair done. I enjoy pampering myself with spas & massages. I like doing something new every day. I like visiting new places. I like trying new food. I like new sceneries.

The world is your oyster. There is so much to do. So much to learn. Just where is this person who could do all these with me? Just where is this one person who could share all these experiences with me? I have not ask for more. All I'm asking is only for ONE person. And yet this is so hard to fulfill. So hard to be granted.

I do envy them. I do envy those that have found such person....

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Shopaholic?

My closet is over loaded. I'm out of space to store my clothes. There are some that have been forgotten and not been worn. And mum shakes her head in disbelief every time she walks into my room.

Thus, now, I am refraining myself from further purchases of clothes. Not from the malls. Not from bazaars. Not from online webpages. No more dresses. No more tops. No more bottoms. No more sweaters.

Not until for another few months. Possible?

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Love and the Void

I find this article so true. True on a personal level. True to what I believe in.

And to quote a phrase which I totally agree :
Anything that we depend on beyond ourselves to make us feel good and safe, is undependable.

It says it all, here:
http://liveandinspire.com/creativearts/love-and-the-void/

Alas, there is someone with the same beliefs out there.

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Fine Dining

It wasn't actually planned for. The plan had been for some where else. But due to my "blur-ness", I ter-booked the wrong place and we ended up there instead. Which, in the end, was not a bad thing after all. At least, now I know that there is such an out-of-the-ordinary fine dining restaurant in the heart of KL city.

Now, I don't usually blog about places to eat. But as I stumbled upon this amazing place, hidden in the concrete jungles of KL, I couldn't resist to snap a few pictures and to spread a word about the place.

I now introduce to you, Tamarind Springs - fine Indochinese cuisine.

That's the entrance, after driving 'forever' up hill.  

Just a small wooden door.

And the view after you stepped through the entrance.

No, no restaurant yet. Continue on walking down the pathway.

Ahh, might as well stop to pose.

Stairway to a fish pond further inside.

 Note the small candles on the sides.

 

Finally, here it is!

Welcome snacks. 

Keropok & some shrimps.

Appetizer. Tamarind platter.

Looks yucky but very yummy.

 

They called it 'the tree top' restaurant.

 Now you know why.

Another view of the setting.

 The lounge.

The bar.

The main course. 

Beef in coconut milk & vege mix tofu.

The Tamarind special.

The dessert. Gelati Misti.

Guess what? 

One lovely 'candlestick'.

Okay. Now, to answer some regular questions.

What's on their menu? What type of food do they serve?
It's a mixture of Laos, Cambodian & Vietnamese dishes. Served either individually or mixture of all three together.

What are the prices like?
It ranges from RM25-RM45 per dish. Some might consider it reasonable, some might not.

Where are they situated?
Jalan 1, Taman Tunku Abdul Rahman, Ampang. You will need to head kinda deep in to reach the place. So, not to worry if you feel like driving on forever.  You'll see the sign soon enough.

What about their service?
Excellent. And very polite. Yes, of course they speak English.

Ohh. One more thing to note. As seen from the pictures that they are situated in a forest, so don't be too surprised to dine with monkeys. You'll get to see them up close on the trees, just maybe next to your table.

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Of Weddings and Marriages

Of late, this topic is HUGE. You'll know by just logging into Facebook. Every week, pictures after pictures are being posted up. The proposal. The registration. The white wedding gown. The bouquet. The photo shoots etc etc. As if every teeny weeny pre-wedding arrangement has been posted up. The most absurd one which I've seen is the comparison of dinner menus between different restaurants.

I am not a big fan of marriages. Really.

I have watched many walk down the aisle. More will be taking that walk in the coming months or years. It has come to a time for many to hop on to this next phase of life. To settle down and to start a family. Society has a rather specific time line for this. And for my generation, this is exactly the right time to get into one. I have blessed all of them for a happily ever after marriage life. I seriously hope that they do. Seriously.

There are some who really are in love. There are some who really wanted to spent the rest of their lives with each other. It is by sitting in the audience of these weddings that you'd feel touched, watching them grow over the years to finally pronouncing their vows to each other. You'd just feel genuinely happy for them.

But there are also some who did it for the sake of peer pressure. Or for the sake of their families. Or maybe they thought it was "just about time". The entire ceremony was planned lavishly, only for the marriage to end up in problems and divorces. Blaming it all on irreconciliable differences. Foolish, I would say. To get into something which was not throughly thought about. Harsh as it may sound, I don't pity them.

As conventional as I wanted to be, I no longer put marriage on my "to-do" list, like what I used to. It won't be something to be aimed for. So long as two person are comfortable being together, it really doesn't matter whether you have it on black and white, does it? After all, who could guarantee that marriage is forever? Who could guarantee that you'd stay faithful to each other after you've have it on paper? Who could guarantee that you'd lead a blissful life after you've walked down the aisle in that white gown? There are no guarantees. There have been no guarantees as to matters of the heart. So it doesn't have to be taken so seriously either.

So what if I do not have the "Mrs" title in front of my name? So what if I prefer to remain as a "Ms"? Does that make me a different person? No. Does that make me loose out? No. Does that make me "crippled"? No. The only implication is being judged by society. To which I don't really care. Cause if I'm going to let society depict who I choose to be, then I won't be being myself.

Marriage is after all just a ceremony. A ceremony that has been commercialised.

What is your take on marriage?

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Thank you EY

When it comes to job hunting and job applications, I guess I got to thank EY for lending their name.

Of all the interviews that I've attended, it was always mentioned that I was being shortlisted due to my experiences in an international accounting firm. Well, perhaps all the late nights are paid off in this manner.

Whether or not I aced the interview, it's a totally different matter. But at least, I'd get the first meeting with ease. :)

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Reflections

On days when I look in the mirror, I see a reflection that is confident and poised. A reflection that smiles back and knows that life has been treating it with grace.

On other days when I look in the mirror again, I see a reflection that is slumped and uncertain. A reflection that no longer smiles and wanted to know why has life being unfair.

We bring out our own reflections, in different stages. Inevitably.

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