Work, play and getting ill

It has been a real hectic month. Me going from one place to the next. Barely had enuf rest and water. Waking up early and going to bed late. But it was a good experience and i genuinely did had fun. Leaving KL for a couple of weeks or so did indeed broadened up my 'horizons'. Met different ppl. Saw different things. Felt the countryside. Opened up my thinking. It was the perfect getaway i needed. Well, not exactly a getaway la, coz i was actually working most of the time.

As i mentioned, i was up in the northern part of malaysia for work purposes. I cant disclose too much about wat type of work i did due to confidentiality issues. It was not something new but since it was my first time getting involved in something like this, it was actually interesting. Altho at times we had to work past midnite and wif me getting ill for a few days. Yah, me...ill again. Got the flu for 2 days, fever for 2 days...serious fever, sore throat for a day and coughed a few nites. My voice turned hoarse and i was like seeing stars when doing my work. All while im away from home. No idea how many pills had i popped in dy.

And i still had the energy to go shopping and sight seeing. Geng! No way im gonna miss all the opportunity while im there, rite? Since we had a car to ourselves, we drove for an hour to Kuala Perlis for seafood. At nite! and wif 4 gals who are not familiar wif the place there. Damn daring! But wat the heck, we do anything for good food. Hahahaha! It was indeed good..crab, fish, sotong, vege..all for less than 80 bucks. Yummm...

Then there was the eating spree at Penang. Laksa, char kuey teow, rojak, oysters, bubur cha chas, bak kut teh, ikan bakar, crepes etc etc. Plus strolling down Gurney Drive to feel the sea breeze...syok! Real relaxing. I did mention i like wind blowing at my face rite...hehehhe...Plus a couple of weekend movies and numerous dangerous drivings. KL ppl. Dat's the only excuse. :p

For all Taiping ppl, i apologise first, but dat place is really so sad la. Nothing to do. Nothing to eat. Nothing to see. No nite life! And the night safari does not live up to its name. I dun think i can survive long there. The same goes for Alor Star. Slightly better than Taiping but still sad. Good for short vacations, but for a long term..no, thank you. KL ppl. Once one, will alwiz be one. Lolz!

So, im back now. Life goes on as usual.

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Bangkok/Pattaya

yeap...im back! and the trip to thailand was totally awesome...even tho everything was a rush...from the moment i stepped onto the plane at LCCT till the moment i stepped down from it...here's a brief insight on my 4 days there...

Day 1
boarded the evening flight from LCCT straight to Don Muang airport..the flight took 2 hrs and i dun like the seats up on Air Asia..it was up rite straight and u dun get much space between the seats..sort of cramped...so not comfy... other than dat, the service and the clealiness was fine...felt dizzy up on the plane and i slept through out the flight...

reached the airport and immediately got swept away by our malaysian tour guide to the bus dat was waiting at the entrance... drove straight to Prince Palace for the group dinner...we were already late and yet we still had to get stuck in traffic jams...i can tell u one thing...traffic in bangkok city is much worse than those in kl... red lights take ages to change to green and u can actually get stuck in ONE spot for half an hr...without moving AT ALL... on top of all dat, u haf to make way for some royal highness to pass... got real tired of waiting...but can we all do rite? our thai tour guide ( wif his not-so-fluent english ) talked non-stop all along the way... telling us about our itenary...places of interest, food to eat, buildings along the street and most importantly...places to shop!

was late for dinner so the organizing committee postponed it to half an hr later...din even bathe...got dressed rite away, freshened up and headed staright down to the ballroom...dinner was usual la...like those u normally go to...only this one had short and wacky performances, lucky draws, games, laughter, laughter and lots of laughter... food was a mixture of thai, asian and western cuisines...

went to bed quite late due to all the gossips and chatting wif my room mate... n she was the one who complained she was tired...

Day 2
went to the floating market 2 hrs away from the city...no, not exactly...the jeti was 2 hrs away from the city...from the jeti another half an hr by sampan to the market...and then got onto another sampan to move around the market...it was real hot and stuffy... and ever heard of sampan jam? well, it happned there...it amazes me to see senior thai citizens rowing a fully loaded sampan, bargain wif u, packed ur stuffs, receiving money and calling out to other customers...all AT ONCE! *thumbs up*...no way i can do dat...souveniers were all the same from sampan to sampan...only the food is different....cute, cheap and tasty...yummm...

then another 2 hrs back to the city for lunch...everything was well arranged...all we had to do was juz eat...hahaha...jammed to the gem factory after dat...no one bought anything from there...lolz....and then jammed to the leather factory...dunno for wat...coz we juz walked in...used the washroom and then walked straight out...totally mou liu...but it was in the itenary, so we HAD to go...jammed to MBK shopping mall after dat and we oni had 1 hr to shop b4 being whisked away for dinner..din buy anything from there oso anyway...coz it's juz like midvalley...wateva u see there, u'll c it in midvalley...and the prices are about the same too...so no point buying there oso...

then rushed to dinner and then rushed to watch thai girl show...hehhehe...nothing new...all the stunts were expected b4 we went in...it was so boring at one point dat some ppl actually fell asleep... the girls were not pretty anyway...neither were their bodies...so nothing to see actually....dun waste ur bahts there if u do go to thailand...after like an hr there, we were rushed to the nite bazaar...it was closing but we did get to grab some really cheap stuffs...hahhaha...dats were all the souveniers came from...

and then we were rushed back to the hotel to rest...one very rush day...

Day 3
planned to wake up early to shop at the morning market...but for the lazy me..might as well sleep la...hehhee...the market opens at 3 am u noe...how cud i possibly wake up dat early? anyway, we rushed to the Reclining Buddha after breakfast and then rushed to the safari world...more time wasted...we are adults...y do we need to go to the zoo for? animals dun interest us anymore...anyhow, it was another MUZ go type of thing...so we had no choice la...watched a lame cowboy show which was in thai..so we had no idea wat were they talking about oso...alot of running and shooting and bombings...i think kids wud like dat more...lolz...then rushed to lunch n then to a dolphin and whale show...now dat was nice...the oni nice thing in the safari...

it was raining when we left for pattaya...another 2-3 hrs...everyone was fast asleep on the bus...even the tour guide stopped entertaining us...coz no one was listening dy...lolz....reached pattaya late evening and then rushed to the massage parlour for our 2 hrs of thai massage...real syok man! this plump lady was cracking my every bone...ive never heard my bones making all these sounds b4...hahahhaa...and did i meantion i fell of the bed? yah, me...lolz

rushed to dinner and then rushed to watch the famous aqua show...superb! if they dun speak, u wont noe...they look much prettier and much shapely than anyone of us here...and their costumes were totally eye-catching...all the guys went ga-ga over them...well, they are guys too anyway...lolz...we were told dat the thai government actually subsidised their surgery...all they have to pay is 30 baht..dat means oni RM3! anyone wanna go for it?

then we checked into a budget hotel...real budget...rite in the middle of pattaya's nite life...real noisy... din sleep much dat nite too coz we went out to get a glimpse of pattaya's clubbing streets...there were clubs everywer...from lame ones to real poshy and happening ones...aquas were every wer... and plump ladies in skimpy outfits doing pole dancing...total eye sore! still tonnes of mat salleh were sitting and watching...it is different from our clubbing scenes...u wont noe if dat chick nx to u is male or female...

Day 4
headed to the coral island early in the morning...another rushed fun...imagine going to the beach for less than half a day...wat the heck...anyhow, did managed to parasail, went on the banana boat, dipped in clear water and did some light shopping... and then rushed back to the hotel to bathe and pack and then rushed to the airport for our flight home...skipped lunch dat day and eveyone was like rushing to get something to eat at the airport before boarding the flight...it was nite by the time i reached LCCT...tired and hungry...

All in all, i wud say this trip was a real rush case...worsen by jams and delays...sigh! tired from all the travelling than from the sight-seeing and shopping...but it was fun...din noe my colleagues all can be so wacky...out of the office...hahhaha...got to noe some new ppl...some which ive not even seen b4....din really get the names of all the places dat they took us...coz we were rushing in and out...and there was alwiz a serving of tom yam for our every meal...the taste gets better from place to place...but since i dun take spicy stuffs...so, not much effect on me...heheheh...and lucky us, we returned safe and sound rite before the military coup..phew!

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Missing dear friends

mind me...didnt plan to come in actually...was bz packing for tmr...but then tot of u ppl all of a sudden...

it was exactly one week ago dat we were having so much fun...dancing n laughing... miss dat moment...off and on i smiled as i tot of dat nite...wudnt it be great if dat nite didnt end? i've been keeping a group pic of us on my desk...each time i looked at it, it reminded me of all the times we've been thru....all the years of friendship we had....short but sweet...the memories will continue to stay...no matter how long...this week was a quiet one...din really hear from u all.....

it's very quiet on the segar-ians side too...no news oso wat so eva...really miss u all...u haf no idea how much...

at times like this...the emptiness creeps in again...
the hollowness stays on....

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Going outstation

juz wanna let u all noe ( for those who reads my stuffs ), i'll be away from kl for the next few weeks, starting from this sunday till almost the end of the month...i'll be up in the northern part of Malaysia for work purposes... and then i'll be heading straight to Bangkok for my company trip...but i will be back in between la...a day here n there...

anyone want any souveniers or food or wateva from ipoh, kedah, penang and places around there...lemme noe la...i'll try to get them for u guys IF i have time off from work...i can still be contacted via my cell...feel free to kacau me anytime....

sorry to dear li wei and fong mei coz i cant be wif u 2 to celebrate ur birthdays this year...happy birthday very in advance!

p/s : save up some gossips for me when i return, alrite? lolz....

till then, take care ppl!
toodles!

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Bullied?

am i being too nice? or i didnt noe how to say 'no'?

i felt being used and being taken advantaged of... issues dat others didnt wanna settle were pushed to me..i've been asked to go to places where others didnt wanna go...i even had to call up nasty nasty clients where the rest felt afraid to deal with...and wat can i say? im juz a newbie around...all they said were"it's a chance for u to learn and handle things"...is this the way to be?

i tried to see things in a brighter view...too see from a different perspective...dat i shudnt frown and to haf a more open mind on my job...i tried to take it easy and juz enjoy wateva dat i was asked to do...but those doesnt last long when the situation continues...the tasks are never-ending....i actually wud be glad to help around but to do stuffs that are out of my line, i wud like to think it's too much...i felt like hitting it back to my seniors but then i tot it wudnt be appropriate...who am i anyway rite?

i dunno how long i can put up with this mentally...im not really dat 'strong' after all... i head out to work every morning wondering if all these is wat i really liked to do...and did it really fulfill my purpose in life...i didnt find the passion in doing audit...i guess it's juz not my cup of tea...but my parents see it as a stable job...and i wud haf a bright future in this line...they are both at retiring age...and i understand it's the point in life where u wud feel unsecure about wat the future holds for u...this is the time for them to rely on their kids...but i am still at the cross road...unsure of which path to take..i didnt wanna turn into the wrong lane and spend the rest of my life regretting my decision....can i at least choose the path that i wanted to?

i've talked about this before...i've talked to mum about it, dat i felt like quitting...she gaf me this disappointed look and i knew right away dat i will be stuck doing this for quite some time...even tho she did say dat she wud support me if i wanted to do other things...but deep down it's not...dad seems very confident dat his girl wud continue his dream to be a successful accountant...little did dad know dat his little girl here is actually 'suffocating' and 'drowning' at the same time...

can someone guide me out of this maze? i cant find the door...and im afraid of being in the dark...

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Rush

would u have believed it?... i, the goody good girl, actually went clubbing last sat nite...yup, u heard me rite... surprise surprise...my very first time...i noe im a little late to start hanging out in clubs...but i have to say, it was totally awesome!

we were indeed rushing to Rush...coz we had to get in before 10 so dat we cud save up on the entrance fees... and some GUYS were taking a longer time to get dressed? or were there other excuses...no matter wat, it pissed piggy and she literally screamed at them when they finally arrived...and we arrived juz a few minutes before 10...phew!

chose our alcoholic drink...got our wrists stamped and went in to a barely empty club with juz a few staffs and securities around...even tho we were dat early, all the comfy sofa seats were actually pre-booked and all that was left were 2 tables and 3 miserable chairs for the 10 of us...fine...music was not dat 'hot' yet, the club was not crowded enuf and no one felt like dancing...so we talked crap for dat hr or so and kept toasting our glasses of whiskies to wateva it is we can think of - to frenship, to work, to monkeys and pigs, to relationships etc etc....with the guys kept bottom-ing up theirs while checking out hot chicks along the way...

the atmosphere finally became hot n happening at around 12...music was real loud n up to beat, u cant even hear d person talking in ur ear...it became real crowded with barely enuf room to stand,let alone dance....the floor was all slippery with spilled drinks...and young men there were all starring at u as if they never seen girls before...alot of big burly security personnels around....and i bumped into some frens who were totally surprised to see me there...lolz...

my dancing rhythm slowly caught up with the pace of the music...and i was like having the time of my life...jumping, singing, shaking, doing silly silly moves with my frens...but not to worry, i was not drunk...juz felt like letting myself loose, be crazy and not to gif a damn about anything...yeah! but it all ended too soon...i've not danced enuf yet...not becoz it was late... becoz most of the guys got real drunk and started to not being themselves...dat's wat u get for drinking non-stop...we had to get them out to save them from trouble...muahahha...

we spent quite a long time out on the pavement babysitting 'big' 'big' babies....it was tough...kept refusing to leave... kept talking loudly non-stop...kept wanted to check out girls...kept wanted to go yam cha...and some became too dizzy to stand...boy, it was surely fun to watch ur frens when they are drunk...u need to pujuk them to make them behave...so much drama....do wat u want to them coz they wont rmbr anything the nx day....hahahhaa....

there were road blocks on the way back...but luckily we were not stopped...and i reached piggy's place at around 3 am....we chatted for a while after she tucked her 'baby' in and then we slept at 4....woke up in the afternoon the nx day with a flu coz she blasted the air-cond the whole nite...gosh! poor me...

so there it is...my maiden voyage down to a club named Rush...actually it's not about wer u go...it's all about the ppl u hang with...dat's the difference....i really do appreciate moments with u all, at times...

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Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren

( got this from an email someone sent me..some parts are rather inspiring.... )

Don't date because you are desperate.
Don't marry because you are miserable.
Don't have kids because you think your genes are superior.
Don't philander because you think you are irresistible.

Don't associate with people you can't trust.
Don't cheat. Don't lie. Don't pretend.
Don't dictate because you are smarter.
Don't demand because you are stronger.

Don't sleep around because you think you are old enough & know better.
Don't hurt your kids because loving them is harder.
Don't sell yourself, your family, or your ideals.
Don't stagnate!

Don't regress.
Don't live in the past. Time can't bring anything or anyone back.
Don't put your life on hold for possibly Mr. Right.
Don't throw your life away on absolutely Mr. Wrong because your biological clock is ticking.

Learn a new skill.
Find a new friend.
Start a new career.
Sometimes, there is no race to be won, only a price to be paid for some of life's more hasty decisions.

To terminate your loneliness, reach out to the homeless.
To feed your nurturing instincts, care for the needy.
To fulfill your parenting fantasies, get a puppy.
Don't bring another life into this world for all the wrong reasons.

To make yourself happy, pursue your passions & be the best of what you can be.
Simplify your life. Take away the clutter.
Get rid of destructive elements: abusive friends, nasty habits, and dangerous liaisons.
Don't abandon your responsibilities but don't overdose on duty.

Don't live life recklessly without thought and feeling for your family.
Be true to yourself.
Don't commit when you are not ready.
Don't keep others waiting needlessly.

Go on that trip. Don't postpone it.
Say those words. Don't let the moment pass.
Do what you have to, even at society's scorn.

Write poetry.
Love Deeply.
Walk barefoot.
Dance with wild abandon.
Cry at the movies.

Take care of yourself. Don't wait for someone to take care of you.
You light up your life.
You drive yourself to your destination.
No one completes you - except YOU.

It isn't true that life does not get easier with age.
It only gets more challenging.
Don't be afraid. Don't lose your capacity to love.
Pursue your passions.

Live your dreams.
Don't lose faith in God.
Don't grow old.Just grow YOU!

When you give someone your time, you are giving them a portion of your life that you'll never get back.
Your time is your life. That is why the greatest gift you can give to someone is your time.
Relationships take time and effort, and the best way to spell love isT-I-M-E because the essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.

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Merdeka Eve

this is gonna be harsh...and i guess it'll hurt...

got a call to celebrate our independence day...after taking in all the neccesary concerns, i decided to turn up... i was trying to give it another shot...to see if things will turn better...

i headed out to pyramid after work only to get stuck in an hr of jam...all along the way, i kept thinking that it will be worthy to get in touch with them...but in that hr of jam on my way home juz now, i felt like crying and i felt like dying...nothing has changed...

u kept saying u missed me, u kept saying u wanted to see me, u kept saying u'll alwiz be there for me, u kept saying u didnt wanna see me unhappy, u kept saying u really meant all that u had said....but y did u still have to hurt me the way u did? outings were made without me. as usual. conversations were all about stuffs revolving u ppl...places u all went, things u all did, jokes u all said, wateva...nothing involved me as i was not a part of them...i felt like a total idiot and a total outcast sitting there...was really wondering what the heck was i there for...when i had wasted my fuel, my time and my energy juz to be there...one question, am i really considered a friend? am i really part of the gang? am i really a burden becoz i happen to live real far?

was i genuinely happy or was i juz faking it when i laughed? im not so sure...and then someone asked "will it be dangerous for u to drive back home alone later?" i appreciate the concern but wat's the point of juz asking? dota will alwiz be more important.....coming to think of it, when did anyone offered to escort me home after midnite yah? i dun think it ever crossed their minds...and i suppose tonite's the only nite where someone did called to see if i had reached home safely...i had lost count of the number of times i spent hanging out with them till late at nite...and each time it was miles and miles away from home...

i avoided calls and messages from u ppl the last few days...was being childish, i noe...but wat the heck...i was really hurt and upset...had missed u all damn bad and for all i noe later, u guys when out without me...and this was not the first time...wat am i to u all yah? a spare tyre? suka then call, tak suka then no need to call? i din noe i was this worthless........

i made a mistake in decision tonite....i shud have diverted my time to my other mates when they called....at least i can enjoy myself at the pool table..and to feel alot more 'safer' among them...instead of being all 'torn' and 'tatterred' before bed now...

and yah, Happy Merdeka! lack the spirit...lack the mood...merdeka was not the same as it used to be...

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Shattered

damn!....i've juz felt good about myself...beginning to see things in a more positive way...not to worry too much... do the things dat i felt like doing...call the ppl i felt like calling...juz be myself and carry on with life....and be contented with it...

and then out came this word from my senior and the whole beautiful scenario above shattered in a matter of minutes...damn! i shudnt have listened to wat he was saying...but i was being a busybody...he HAD to keep reminding us dat an auditor's job is a crap profession...with no dignity and freedom...wer no one client is appreciative of ur efforts...and dat the managers keep rushing u for deadlines... u work round the clock and no one gives a hoot about u....gosh! i really did wanna noe y did he stayed on then...he complains, complains, complains...and i was real sick about it....in the end i ignored him...but not really everything he said...

so here i am....still thinking if wat he said was really true...or was he being pessimistic? he really brought down my mood ...y did he have to make everyone frown?...ish!!! and im stuck working with him for the next few weeks...die la liddat...stress betul being around him...y cant some ppl see things in a more positive light? wat's the meaning of life liddat?

hmm...yah, ive finally found a way to light up my spirits when im down...meet ppl! dun care if it's a close fren or juz a hi-bye one....dun care if it's a pre-arrangement gathering or one out of coincidence...i juz need to see familiar faces...even juz for dat few minutes... u never noe wat effect it will have on me... so ppl, if u ever see my name appearing on ur cell's screen...please do come out alrite? ur in need!

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Days...Juz like dat

second by second...minute by minute...hour by hour...day by day...week by week...

wud wait for friday each passing week....reason? wud b d same as most ppl...no work the next day!...i get to bring out the kid in me....yayyy!!! be relieved of all the troubles at work...no manager to report to....no issues to think about...no worksheets to stare at....nothing...juz me, myself and my 2 off days....all mine! right under my control.......

only 2 days? dun seem sufficient...they came and went easily....whoosh!..juz liddat....all i have to do is wake up late... laze in front of the tv for the next few hours...do some house chores...go out a little....and wa-la...one day gone...and now there is about 2 more hours left to monday, where i have to go back to everything that i left off on friday evening...y cant i wake up to find out everything has been settled for me? arggghhhhhh!!!!

yup...i dread to work these days...im new...too much to adapt...so little time...still dun really click with the ppl there...not very close...dun seem to have a connection...it's like there's a wall in between...i find dat i dun fit in sometimes...dun really get to be me...tired, depressed....coupled with the fact dat there's no one to teman...gosh! feel like finding a hole and bury myself in...

btw, thank u piggy for dragging them down for supper late last nite...it was fun, it was late and my dad didnt complain...hahahhaa....but everyone looked dead tired...

Prince Cafe~~~nice decor, nice "waterfall"...never mind dat the food tasted not so good.... i like dat place!
go there and u'll noe why........

p/s: good luck to all acca candidates...i noe it sounds weird, but im nervous too...

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Life as u want it to be

( I actually got these quotes of someone else's blog...they are actually very logical and motivating...juz tot dat i'd put them up to remind myself of how to handle life when times are not too good...)

• Activity gets you busy. But productivity gets you results.Activity consumes time. Productivity frees it.
• Stop analyzing life. Just live it. Analysis is what makes it complicated. Your today is the tomorrow that you worried about yesterday. You are worrying because you are analyzing. Worrying has become your habit. That's why you are not happy.
• Uncertainty is inevitable, but worrying is optional. Pain is inevitable, but suffering is optional.
• Diamond cannot be polished without friction. Gold cannot be purified without fire. Good people go through trials, but don't suffer. With that experience their life becomes better, not bitter.
• Problems are Purposeful Roadblocks Offering Beneficial Lessons to Enhance Mental Strength. Inner strength comes from struggle and endurance, not when you are free from problems
• If you look outside you will not know where you are heading. Look inside. Looking outside, you dream. Looking inside, you awaken. Eyes provide sight. Heart provides insight.
• Success is a measure as decided by others. Satisfaction is a measure as decided by you. Knowing the road ahead is more satisfying than knowing you rode ahead. You work with the compass. Let others work with the clock.
• Always look at how far you have come rather than how far you have to go. Always count your blessing, not what you are missing.
• Seek not to find who you are, but to determine who you want to be. Stop looking for a purpose as to why you are here. Create it. Life is not a process of discovery, but a process of creation.
• Face your past without regret. Handle your present with confidence. Prepare for the future without fear.
• Keep the faith and drop the fear. Don't believe your doubts and doubt your beliefs. Life is a mystery to solve, not a problem to resolve. Life is wonderful if you know how to live.

(cool huh? life is actually all about choices....u choose to be who u want to be and how u want urself to be)

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Got 'scolded'

got a word from a close friend....she sort of 'scolded' me for 'talking' to the screen more often than to ppl dat cud actually gimme feedbacks to my recent upset-ness....yah, she's d only one dat cud hit u hard in the face..for ur own good...and im glad...lolz....dun worry dear, i will one day spill everything to u all, when there are not so many around...hahahaha...i've finally come to my senses....be relieved!

Kopitiam~~nice decor, nice feel, average beverages, loads of ppl,lousy view ( well, depends which one u go too )

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Loneliness

i read jaesy's blog and one of her recent entries was about loneliness....she came upon this research article dat says loneliness is actually a normal feeling, with most youngsters experiencing it during their college/university years..according to dat research, there's actually nothing wrong with urself if u do feel lonely off and on...it's one of society's norms...i was kinda relieved after reading dat article ...at least i noe, im not the only one... dat is, until today...

i left for work this morning with dark clouds hovering over me... i have not left yesterday's issue completely... i got a slight feeling dat i was being alienated at home... maybe im alienating myself...i din talk much the entire day.. my mood was down... not much progress in my work... made my senior worried....hahhaha...not for me, but for the tight schedule....

stayed on quite late at client's premises...sort of released my stress at my senior...so sorry for dat...i noe ur even more stressed up....din feel like going home after dat..i was actually around subang area so i called up a fren to lift up some spirits...but she was bz....dating i presume..see wat i mean...who will be there in times of need? din try to call the rest...the girls cant really hang out late at nite...dia n lin jie are no longer there...the guys, nah! they wont show up if im the one dats initiating an outing....so i left my phone alone...afraid to get the same answer dat'll make my already dark day, darker....

contemplated to head out myself...tot of 3 choices...go to hai-lo and let the music drown me....go catch a comedy and laugh all my stress out....or drive to 'tian hou kong' to get some peace...i din go to any in the end...no company...dun wanna look so pathetic being alone....

new job...new environment...new colleagues...im kinda slow in adapting...worried dat i might not click with them... been 'floating' ever since i joined... empty...no place to hang on... coupled with the fact dat most of my closest are 'disappearing'... even more empty....nothing to catch...nothing to lean on.....wat if something goes wrong? who am i suppose to call?

why me?

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Family

alot of dissatisfactions...financial issues...not the same situation anymore...times are getting harder... alot of sighs...alot of worries...worry for all the 'wat ifs'.... i no longer can return home with a care free feeling... i can no longer go home knowing dat mum n dad will take care of everything...i dread going home now... i seem to have to deal with lots of things dat i wanna avoid... they are getting tired... and im not interested to care...i really dun bother...i dun wanna noe...already im sick of my life...i am actually being selfish... i sometimes wonder why i acted the way i did... why havent i have more concern for those closest to me? im mad dat something can actually be done to change the situation..only they didnt want to...all they do is complain, complain, complain... i let them haf it their way.... no matter how i wanna live life my way, i cant do dat now... there's this invisible cord holding me back... and it's rather suffocating sometimes...

it's alwiz our fault... any unfortunate happenings, it's our fault... even if there r things dat we cant control, it has to be our fault too... she's mad at something, for no reason, it's our fault... all the rest of the world is alwiz rite...it's alwiz our character, our fate, our luck, our everything is alwiz in the wrong... she's ashamed of everyone of us.. no matter how good we did, we will alwiz not be good enuf... i dun talk much with her... she kills my dreams... and my optimistic view on life... wat eva i spill to her...she turned it around and everything will be my fault.... yeah, it was my fault too to be born in this world...

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Traffic

Malaysian roads...sigh!...it's the same every wer...no matter wat street, wat highway, wat lorong... they oni have one thing in common...jams! jams! and forever more jams!

i cant seem to understand why izzit happening..there were no accidents, no floods, no fallen trees, no dead stray animals, no holes, no stalled vehicles obstructing the lanes...nothing at all! and yet it's very very common to see one whole long stretch of cars from one end of the highway to the other...it is very frustrating to get caught in dat long stretch only to find out there's actually nothing up front dat caused it... arghhhh!!!

someone plz gimme an explanation as to why the roads MUZ be all jammed up during the mornings n in the evenings? if it's not bad enuf to face all the stress n pressures during the day, i need to deal with heavy traffics too...gosh! cant i, for once, cruise smoothly to my destination? it was so damn sickening to be in my vehicle for like 2 hrs for a 45 mins drive... juz becoz of... nothing!! im sure most ppl has even experienced longer hrs ... even my CD has been repeated for the 2nd time... and there's nothing much u can do in the car either...imagine all the time wasted...

my guess is dat it boils down to the attitudes of the drivers..alto im not a very excellent one myself... but there are a handful of some dat are juz plain idiotic! cant they drive moderately? without being too careful, or too slow, or too dangerously? wat is this with malaysians? be la more civilised on the road...ur not the only one using them...

another guess is all dat ongoing road constructions...they never end...they block this lane and dat lane and then divert u to another road..making a whole big fuss...bukannye its gonna help ease traffic...i dun see any improvement after all dat has been done...really dun get it....wat's the point? and to make matters worst, there are these traffic policemen....friend or foe?

cant anyone do something bout the issue here?

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