License to dive

Next year. Armed with an oxygen tank, a wet suit, mask and a pair of fins, I'll be able to experience these marvelous underwater sights. Imagine to be able to swim along side barracudas, hawksbill turtles, eagle rays and scallop hammerhead sharks. And maybe if I'm lucky, I might be able to touch one of them, without losing any part of my body, I hope. Yay! It's scuba diving man! It's gonna be one heck of an experience.Wait for me!

Well, NOT! With just a word from the doctor, I've got to thrash the entire idea into the bin. Along with part of the cost paid. The reason : Scuba diving has health  implications, if you don't do it properly. So, it is unwise to take the risk. Damn! There goes the clown fishes that I was anticipating to play with.

It's one of the top diving spots in the world, with hundreds or maybe thousands of international divers diving in its waters each year. And yet, as a Malaysian, I've been ignorant of its existence until a friend suggested for a trip there. Just as I was getting to know our very own Sipadan Island, the doctor said no. Some luck! So near yet so far.

Thus, as far as I'm concerned, the beauty of Sipadan and all underwater wonders shall forever remain where it is - under the depths of the sea. Undiscovered.

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Changing times

3 years ago, on a night like this, I would have been out partying. 3 years after that, on this night, look what am I doing? Lazying at home staring at the computer screen.

3 years ago, on a night like this, calls would be coming in for dozens of activities which I can't even decide which to go to. 3 years after that, on this night, I've got to make calls to find my own activities and I'd be lucky to even get one.

3 years ago, on a nght like this, most people would be keen to head up to Genting Highlands for a cup of Starbucks in the middle of the night. 3 years after that, on this night, most people woud prefer to hang in front of the TV to catch the latest TV series.

Times have changed. No longer are we gathered in a large group. Some have left the country. Some have gotten married. And the rest are out there busy continuing on down their own paths. It's time we do the same. It's time that I do the same. To carve my own path. And to live the life I want.

I'd like to know what would I be doing 3 years later, on a night like this?

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When life gets rough...

Sometimes, you just need that little pat on the shoulder....
Those little words of encouragement...
A little hug for some support...
And a little smile to make your day.

Just a little "No worries. Everything will be all right" does make a difference....

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Still looking back.......

After being gone for almost 8 months now, I still find it hard to leave the life in my previous firm. It's a love hate kind of a thing. And I realize that a lot of those who have left felt the same way too.

We dreaded going to work so much back then due to the impossible deadlines, the demanding bosses, the late nights, the never ending stress and the lack of personal time. Yet, at the same time, we anticipate stepping into the office into the laughter of our team mates, the gossiping sessions in the lounge, the group trips and parties, the team work, the flexible hours and the occasional treats from our bosses.

Looking at the pictures from those who are still there, I get this mixed emotion whereby I was glad that I left and I was glad that I had been part of them. I can't stop bringing up the stories of my previous place to my new colleagues. And some of us still actually take note of the on-goings there. There is a beam of pride some where inside. We pride ourselves in working for a reputable firm. We pride ourselves in surviving the impossible. We pride ourselves in the numerous friendships we made. We pride ourselves that our opinions are still being sought, even after we've left.

Every now and then, we hear complaints from the rest that no where else beats the culture back then. "My staffs are not as competent." "My department doesn't portray the type of team work we had." "My organization doesn't hold annual parties or annual dinners." "My boss doesn't have pep talks with us like we used to." "We no longer have lunch in a large group." etc etc.

Frankly speaking, we miss the ole days. And unless we head back in, it's kind of hard to find another place like it.

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What are we here for?

A friend posted a very interesting question to me today. He asked if I know the reason for being here. Meaning, the reason for being born.

I gave him a rather stupid answer. I told him that we are all passer bys. We come. Stay for an average 70 years or so and then we'll leave. It's the best that I can think of. He asked further : do you know why you came then? and last for that 70 years?

I was struck dumbfounded. Yea man. What is the reason for me being a passerby? Or anyone else for that matter? Further thoughts on it suggested no absolute answers. Since no one is able to tell you the purpose for your existence, the best would be to define your own. Create a purpose for being here. Boy, is that a hard one! Especially when we do not have the gifts nor the talents to create a new drug for cancer or some new technique to stop earthquakes.

I hope we can do better that loitering. Eating. Studying. Playing. Travelling. Flirting. Catching up with the latest movies. Working hard. Getting successful careers. Earn big bucks. Re-producing. Nourishing the young. And let the whole cycle start all over again.

Is that all what we are here for?

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The zone of no debate

The manager of one of the department's barged into my room this morning.....

xxx  : How can you send out this kind of notification?

Me  : Which notification is this?

xxx  : There...the one where u amended the procedures....

Me  : What is wrong with them?

xxx  : Perhaps you are not aware. We have been doing this way all this time. There wasn't any issue. Now you wanted to scrap the procedure and implement a new one. It's not going to work.

Me  : Why won't it work? I've noticed flaws in the previous one. There wasn't any issues then doesn't mean there won't be issues in the future. I'm helping you to improve the system.

xxx  : In the new procedures, it seems that all the responsibility has been pushed to us. What does your department do then?

Me : My department is on the back end. Of course these matters have to be initiated from your side. Your department is the core of the organisation. Without your approval, it's not likely for me to proceed.

xxx : So, if anything goes wrong, then I am to be blamed?

Me : If you follow the proper codes and conducts, then no one would blame you for anything right?

xxx : .................. I still don't like this. I'm speaking to the GM.

All in a days work.

The toughest thing to handle is the mind. Especially the mindset of elder generations. Sometimes, you just feel like splashing them with cold water. It's the 21st century! Haven't you noticed? We don't do things like the 'old' days anymore.

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"You want it all, you want it small"

Behold my new toy.

The all new HTC Aria. 

Ready to go.

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Yet another departure

Yes. Another close friend is leaving. Leaving the country for a better job opportunity in a far away land.

Why the hell do I have so many close friends anyway? It's never good to know that they are leaving and you won't be close anymore. Shucks!

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Of marriage, husbands and kids

The ladies at my workplace were having a little slack time this quiet Saturday morning. The topic of men and babies crept up eventually as most of them have just started a family.

The conversation was intense, with each discussed about their husbands, their kids, their mother-in-laws, their washing machine, what to cook for dinner etc etc. They seemed to be having a good time comparing 'notes' and soughting advices. And these were ladies not very much elder than me.  It felt weird that I don't find these conversations interesting at all.

While some ladies are already preparing for family life, there are others who are still enjoying their singlehood. Yeaps. People like me. While some talk about diapers and dish washers, others talk about bungee-jumping and scuba diving. I guess different people do have different priorities.

And I can't say which is the better. The more conventional parties, of course, are of the opinion that ladies do have to be married and have their own family some day. So, the sooner you do that, the better. And they can make it sound so wrong for you if you don't do it. The more urbanised parties, on the other hand, wanted to delay marriage for as long as possible. They are of the opinion that youth do only come once in a lifetime. No way they are going to throw that all away and be tied down with commitments of a family.

Marriage, to me, is a long term plan. There is still so much out there to be seen and done. If you want me to choose between babysitting and backpacking, I guess I'll pick the latter. For the time being.

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The British Cottage

By chance, we checked into this chalet up on Cameron Highlands. It was the Raya holidays and every where else were either fully booked or charging unreasonable rates. This was the only place that was available. I fell in love with it from the moment I stepped in.

It was a British boarding school back in the 1890s. After the British pulled out, it was bought over by an Indian national and turned into a chalet. Hence, the name, Bala's Chalet. Most of it's architecture and furniture were properly preserved. They still have fireplaces in each room. And since it's situated on top of a hill, the view have been spectacular.

This is how my dream home is going to be like.....

Wonderful isn't it?

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Interviews

This time, I'm not the one getting jittery and worried about what might be asked. This time, I'm the one having fun thrashing out tough questions to MY candidates. Yes, you've heard me right. I am hiring. Boy, does it sound good to be introduced as the "hiring manager".

If you think you've seen all kinds of interviewer throughout your job hunting days, wait till you meet the all kinds of candidates.

Me : What are your career expectations in this organization?
Candidate : Erm....just....erm.....good pay....

Me : You were late for the interview session. What is your reason for that?
Candidate : I went to the market.

Me : How do you  handle pressure?
Candidate : By listening to music.
Me : How does listening to music help in work pressures?
Candidate : ...........(smiles).................

Me : Please tell me what do you know about our organization.
Candidate : I think it's something got to do with.............
Me : So, you came without knowing what you'll be getting yourself into?
Candidate : (shrugs) I just clicked on the ad....

Me : Briefly explain one of your weaknesses.
Candidate : I'm not good at listening to people.
Me : So, you mean, if I ask you to complete a certain task, you won't listen to me?
Candidate : Oh...no no no!

And the killer one....

Me : Why do you want to work here?
Candidate : Cause I like the 'House'.
Me : I beg your pardon?
Candidate : You know...the 'House' drama series? I love to watch that.
Me : (total speechless)

Now I know how frustrating you can get interviewing people. Macam-macam ada. I don't mean to be mean. Just that you get curious sometimes. And some people answer you in the most amusing way. You just can't help it.

Ohh...and I've found someone who fits the job. You're hired!

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10 reasons why men suck

Information was gathered through observations and interactions with my male counterparts. Although not all men behave the same way, but they are guilty of at least one of the reasons listed.

In no particular order:

1) Immature 
    They still spend a whole lot of time on computer games and animes. Someone ought to tell them that those
     aren't real and it's time for them to check back into reality. Or they could make better use of their spare
     time.

2) Losers
    Without their girlfriends around, they flirt, put an arm around your shoulder and offer to carry those stacks
     of files for you. In the presence of their girlfriends, all they do is say hi and don't even hold the door for
     you seeing that your arms are occupied.

3) Inconsiderate
    It never crossed their mind to escort their female friends to the car park during the late hours. Either they
    are oblivious to the dangers of society these days or they just couldn't be bothered.

4) Un-gentleman-ness
    They ring a lady up for a drink and expect her to pick him up. Or they expect her to get herself there. If
    she doesn't show up, she's deemed as not outgoing enough.

5) "Blind"
      Unless you look like Paris Hilton or Megan Fox, they somehow or rather look past you. No matter how
      witty you are.

6) Shallow
    It's pretty easy to get them to notice you even if you don't look like Paris Hilton. Show off some thigh and
    cleavage and there you go. You'll garnier their full attention.

7) Egoistic
    It's all about pride. No point in arguing with them. Cause even though they know they are in the wrong,
    they just won't admit it.

8) All talk and no action
    They are very good at boasting. "I am capable of this this this..." "I've done this this this..." If you are an
    empty vessel, please spare us.

9) Ungrateful...
    It's never enough to have a loving and understanding girlfriend. They like the thrill of having 3 affairs at the
    same time.

10) ....and foolish
    And they lose all 3 of them in the end.

Yet, for some reason, we still hang out with them.

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Still searching....

It has been good so far. I finally had the time to focus on other things than work. I no longer had to work on a spreadsheet till 2 am or on weekends. I no longer had to feel guilty going for a movie or a drink. I no longer dread heading to work or wishing that all my bosses would vaporise. Work, nowadays, stays within that official 8 hours. Anything beyond that, is allowed to be done the next day.

I am free to plan for movies. I am up for all the lastest screenings, until a point in time where I need to anticipate the next release. I had the time to attend fancy dinners. And not to mention heading to bars and clubs after that. I have changed my wardrobe. There are more fancy shoes and catchy outfits. I started to concentrate on my appearance. I've played with make ups and hair treatments. I've begun to take an interest in gardening as well. I can now do stuffs that I didn't have the time to do previously.

When I went back to my old place to meet up with my ex-colleagues, nothing has changed. It was the sense of familiarity that got me so attached to that place. The structure. The people. It feels just like home the moment I walked in. I was greeted with smiles. "Hey, come back laaa. We missed you." No doubt it was good to hear that, but I've not regretted leaving.

I know that place wasn't meant for me. So is this new one, regardless of how happy I am there. After 3 years of studies and 5 years of rewarding career, I have not gained that satisfaction that I thought I would achieve. No matter how many times I'd allowed myself the chance to try, I still do not see the point in what I'm doing. No purpose. No passion. I asked myself each day if this is really what I want. If this is really what I want to continue with for the rest of time.

The truth is, I have no absolute answer to that. I can't see what the future might hold for me. I do not know the best decision to be made. To be honest, I am still searching for vacancies. I believe that so long as I'm in this line, I will never find something that will truly satisfy me.Unless, of course, I have the guts to switch to another field. Which, most likely, be unlikely.

So all I can do at the moment is stay put and pray that miracle will happen one day.

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Secrets

In this movie, this physics nerd was experimenting electric waves on steel bars to generate a certain tune. God knows how he did it, and though I'm not a physics fan, the idea was awesome. Totally impressive. And the tune played was darn cool. The tune came from a song.

We stayed back after the end of the movie to catch the title of that song. Even after the last patrons have left and the cleaners were in to clean up the place, we still didn't get it. Maklum-lah, too many crews. The appreciation list went on forever. Giving up, we googled it instead.

The movie : Sorceror's Apprentice.
The song : Secrets by One Republic.
Nicholas Cage : Dashing.



We weren't the only ones waiting to catch the song title. There were others hanging around for it too. Yes, it is real good.

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First 2 weeks....

So, I've been here for 2 weeks....

The work load has been mounting each passing day. The previous fella didn't get anything straight. None of the problems were solved. Internally and externally. So there have been complaints coming in from every corner. I am here to fix things. One at a time. Or so I hope.

I have moved into my new room, although it still stinks with paint. Thus, I've used alot of air fresheners and blasting the air conditioning. I'm in the midst of preparing my pot of plant to be brought into my room. Can't find a suitable seed. But sadly, no, the room is not huge enough for me to have my own lounge in it, or even a mini bar.

Still getting adjusted to the new position and authority. I have brought in the way I used to work back at my old place. You know, something like when I want this report, I mean I want it NOW. And I don't tolerate excuses such as busy or too many things on hand. Back then, you are suppose to manage your own time accordingly. But at this place, they have no clue about urgency and stress. If you throw them more work, they'll give you this expression, "Huh? Another report? But I've already got ONE report on hand...." They'll get confused, disorientated and ended up lost. Something which I could not accept. Time to turn things around. My way!

Unlike back in those days where we speak in a common language and everyone works as part of a team, things are rather different here. I guess it's usual in the commercial line. Certain people never understood English. Or pretend not to understand. And, don't be surprised, mini war springs into full mode the moment you start your day. Conflicts. Disagreements. Hard feelings. Back stabbing. Politics. Two-faced. Fake smiles. If you bring up the GM, they bring up the BOD.

Been experiencing culture shocks. From where I came from, we mingle with the bosses. Here, people try NOT to mingle with the bosses. So I'm left in between wondering to mingle or not to mingle. Back then, 7 pm is when the office becomes alive. Dinners. Chats. Drinks. Games. Now? You'll be pressured not to leave by 7 pm.The lights are all out. Not a single soul will be around. They used to call me by my nick name. Now they call me by my surname. Damn! It's so formal.

I've established my own 'gang'. A clan. Well, I do need allies. Everyone does. They are my lunch mates and my gossiping mates. It's not easy to find people of the same age once you've ventured out. At least, they could provide some help in times of need. Although this might sound a little sampat, but I have my own phone! It's a scarce resource in the old days you know. We had to run around looking for one. Now I can be sure that when the phone rings, it will be someone looking for me. Me and only me.

It is indeed my first time out of a protected environment. It's everything on my own now. No more managers to cover me. No more directors to cover me. No more bosses to cover me. If you screw up means you screw up. It's everyone for their own mess.

Let's do see what happens in another 2 weeks.

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