Adios 2009!

The year came and went.

I'm through with all the countdowns and well wishes bla bla bla. No matter what you do or what you say, 2009 will still be gone and you can't predict what's in store for 2010. The day continues when you wake up tomorrow morning. Life goes on as usual.

So, keep all the good memories from the past year and be glad that you lived through it. Learn from past mistakes. Forgive and forget, may bygones be bygones.

So long 2009, many thanks for 'stopping by'.

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In search for that something....

Nothing seems to interest me any longer. I find it boring to do almost anything. And yet I'm only 25. To certain people, life has just begun. To me, it started to get static.

I no longer anticipate to walk the malls or catch the latest movies. I no longer find it exciting to go for trips. I no longer find it happening to hang out at pubs or that new clubbing arena. I no longer find it fun to flirt and to attract male counterparts. I don't find any of the jobs out there interesting. I don't look forward to settling down and having kids. I find it no purpose in going to work everyday and to endure all that stress. I got tired of 'beautifying' myself. I find that it's a little waste of time to sit around and to catch up with my mates. I got bored of the people around me. Even the local cuisines have started to lose it's attractiveness. I've been doing all those so many many times. I ask myself, so what's next?

I go by everyday doing the exact same things. Everything is moving at the same pace every single day. Predictable. I couldn't find that something that would enlighten me. What is that something that would bring some excitement back into my life? Something that I could look forward to. Something that I'm passionate about. Something out of the ordinary. Something that you don't do everyday. Something that is worth remembering. Something that you could boast about 20 years later.

My search continues.

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Un-gentleman-ness

Ungentleman guys put me off.

I'm not being fussy. I'm not being demanding. But if a guy doesn't know how to treat a lady properly, he would be a real jerk.

He doesnt't escort you to the parking lot at night? He doesn't offer to carry that heavy baggage? He doesn't hold the elevator door? Screw him then.

Worse still if he chooses which lady to be nice too. So only the hot, pretty ones deserves the extra attention? The rest are not worth even a 'hi'?

Men, they are all shallow, ignorant and self-centered. One way or the other.

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Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas to all!

It's one more week to the end of the year. Do what you got to do.

XOXO!

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Office politics

This is all just so tiring. It's never ending. One after the other.

Just when I thought I could end the year with some peace and quiet, something came up again. Ruined what ever plans that I had made. Real sickening.

Emotionally unstable now.

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8D,7N Taipei 2009

This is a very delayed posting. I got to wait for Mr Photographer to be done with all the editing before I can get my hands on the pictures. And without them, it's rather hard to imagine on what I got to write.

Another yearly overseas trip with my close friends from college. We decided to head to Taipei for the food and for alot of shopping. Little did we know, Taipei do offer many breathtaking views as well. This was a free and easy DIY package, where we chose our own destinations and the travel agent arranges everything for a quoted price. The entire trip had costs me not more than RM4k with half of it for air fare and accomodation and the other half for my own expenses.

We went in late October, where the weather was sunny but real windy. Autumn season. Just nice to move around comfortably. It got dark around 5.30 in the evening and the sun comes up 12 hours later. There was no need for thick jackets or trench coats, just a normal sweater to keep yourself from the wind will do.

I will be highlighting the activities of each day here. I'm not going to talk about the food that we had cause I would have forgotten what were they called by now or where did we tasted them. I was there for a vacation, not to keep track of everything I ate.

Day 1:
Ours was an evening flight. Approximately 4 hours. We reached Taipei at mid night. No. We didn't go to bed straight. We went to a 7-Eleven for cup noodles. Man, we were hungry. We were arranged to stay at this Taipei Meadow Hotel. Not recommended. Their service were very poor. They misplaced our room reservations. They had no hot showers. They had no proper storage spaces. So so so so not acceptable.

Day 2:

Headed to Yi-Lan Shangri-la farm. It's out of town. We travelled by train for an hour. It's like an orchard, where you get to pick fruits and eat them on the spot. They've got activities lined up for us at night. People there are very friendly. We played tops, made "tong yuen", raised the "hung-ming" lanterns with our wishes written all over it, chased ducklings and fried some peanuts.

It's a very relaxing place. Serene. Surrounded by trees and shrubs. Very refreshing indeed. Not to mention they were located on a hill. So, it got real freezy at night.

Day 3:
We spent the third day in Taipei city. We happened to come across a promotion package to the National Palace Museum, so we took it. Certain original artifacts from China were on display there. I didn't even know which dynasty they were from. All I know is that the place was damn huge and it was full of stuff that I don't read. Paintings, ancient Chinese scrolls, porceleins, official stamps etc etc. We can't wait to get out of the place. I admit. We, youngsters, just don't appreciate history.

By night, we were riding on the Eye of Taiwan. The gigantic ferris wheel. I've not even been on the one in Malaysia. Hah!

Day 4:

This is the day where we planned to enjoy a good hot spring bath. But before we get there, the tour guide took us to few breathtaking places. First stop, the volcanic mountains where the hot springs originated. It stinks. You'd smell sulfur all over. Even after you get out from the hot spring pools, you'd smell of sulfur too. Cause that's what made the water hot. Sulfur. Yellow ones.

Next, we were brought to this open field. On Yang-Ming Shan. Yes. Up on the mountains too. Nothing but green green grasses. People were there to read. To walk their dogs. To fly kites. To feel the breeze. To snap pictures. To jog. To do almost what ever they want. You can't find places like this here. It was one of those moments where you were lying on the grass and feeling the air on your face, without any worries, that there is so much more to life than what we are going through now.

Oh, and you got to see this too. It's a little hut on the foothill. They sell windmills. All over. How adorable. Too bad you can't have a place like this in Malaysia. Even if you successfully turn your garden into one, where would you get all the wind from? The fan?

We finally made it to the hot spring resort in the evening. Tien Lai Hot Spring Resort. There were no more pictures here. We were too busy soaking ourselves in sulfur pools, with temperatures ranging from 18 degrees to 45 degrees. The warning was, you can't soak in one pool for more than 15 minutes. You need to get out and rest. Cause the heat accelerates your heart beat, not many can with stand that. And you can't bathe after each soak. You got to let the sulfur seep into your skin over night. It keeps the skin smooth. That's the benefit of it.

Day 5:

This was an extremely tiring day. We were all slumped on the bed, unable to walk to the bathroom even, when we got back to the hotel at night.

In the morning, the tour guides brought us to Ye-Liu Geological Park. Here's where sun, sea water, wind and rain over the thousands of years have caused the erotion of rocks. With a little imagination, you'd see many many shapes out of these erotions. For example; toes, turtles, the map of Taiwan. This is a very famous one. It's called "The Queen's Head". Which queen? For you to find out.

Then, it's off to shopping! First stop, Jiu Fen. Very unique.  Shops were situated up hill. So, happy walking! The place sells a combination of food, accessories, clothes, souveniers etc etc. They were famous for a few delicacies. It's a must try if you ever go there. I couldn't recall what were they already. Do ask around the locals if you really want to go.

By night, we were back in the city again. And more shopping to be done. We got to Wu Fen Pu. It's more like 'warehouses' for clothes. What ever clothing apparel you want, you can be very sure you'd get them here. Similar to our Sg Wang or Platinum Mall in Bangkok. You know those online fashion blogs? Yea. Here's where those clothes came from. Some things can be a real bargain. Like RM10-RM20. The more you buy, the cheaper it gets.

Day 6:

One whole day dedicated to shopping. This time around, it's off to Xi Men Ding. A more high-classed area compared to Wu Fen Pu. Branded goods could be found; Nike, Levi's, Addidas etc. Not Sg Wang stuffs, more like Mid Valley or 1 Utama that kind.

Here's where everyone left with bags and bags of what ever. Even my guy friends got a few goodies for themselves. Another friend got herself 6 pairs of shoes. 6 pairs! In just an hour. Gosh!

Well, not everything is about shopping. We want to make a mark for ourselves too. We "climbed' the tallest tower in the world. Okay. We didn't climb. We took the elevator. The fastest one in the world as well. Taipei 101. 388 metres. The elevator got us up to the observation deck in 38 seconds. How cool is that. I've been to the tallest tower in the world! Our Petronas Twin Towers comes in at fourth place.

They allowed visitors to this open balcony at the top. It was a very scary feeling. You could feel like you would be blown away any minute. The wind was absolutely strong. And it was dead freezing. If it wasn't for the experience, I wouldn't set foot up there. It was definitely worth it. Although Taipei's night view has not much to boast about, it was still worthwhile. It's the tallest tower in the world man! In the world!

Day 7:

According to this travel book, there's this jetty up north with a spectacular view of the sun setting. Let's see what's so special about the sunset in Taipei. The Fisherman Wharf, Danshui.

It was worth all the trouble getting there. Sunsets are very romantic. Don't you think so?

Day 8:

Our final day. Guess where we went? Shopping again of course! It was back to Xi Men Ding. For those last minute souveniers. Those tops and pants that we still want to get our hands on. Some more shoes and bags. Our luggages were already damn packed with our previous "goods". As if those were not enough, we bought more. We had to get additional luggage bags to bring them back. Hah!

Oh, we had our dinner at this interesting place. In a bathroom. We sat on toilet bowls. Ate on bath tubs. Ate from toilet bowls as well. Drank from, errr...... see it for yourself.

Taipei. You really ought to know Mandarin to communicate there. They don't speak much English. If you really plan to visit Taiwan, do it while your young. They have promotions for youths. Up to 30 years of age. You could get discounts for quite a number things. And you need to walk real a lot. Get better shoes. My friend need to get pain killers for her aching feet. It was that bad.

Truly a place worth visiting. Truly enjoyable. I had so much fun.

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The language we all speak

I was at this hawker stall the other night, having dinner. The table next to mine was occupied by an Indian couple. After the meal, they called for the bill. "Boss, kira!" The boss happened to be an old Chinese aunty, about 60 years old. She came, gave the table one look,"Elam blas tiga puruh. Ala duit kecik?" The Indian man paid the amount and the couple left.

At times like this, there's a tiny feeling inside that made me felt proud being a Malaysian. Diverse races, diverse cultures, understanding each other through one common language. The old aunty didn't seem to have much education, even though the Indian couple were of a younger generation. Still, they managed to communicate and send their messages accross. It is from living together with each other that we are capable of this. I do take pride in all the various races that Malaysia "housed". You don't get to see Chinese, Malay, Indian, Punjabi playing soccer together on the same field any where else in the world.

It's sad to to see that people these days didn't seem to know how to appreciate the blessings that were bestowed upon us. All the 'fights' against each other. One race trying to out-do the rest. All the gossips. We can achieve so much more if we don't allow ourselves to be blinded by racism. What a waste.

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"Balik kampung"

You, moving on a one lane trunk road. Surrounded by hills on both sides. You know it's a sunny day but you can't feel the heat of the sun as trees covered its rays. You'd see clouds and mist hanging over the hills from a distance. As you take in the serene surroudings, a flock of birds flew past to keep you company.

The road goes on to be bumpy. You try your best to avoid the port holes. And then it became sandy and muddy. A pool of water on one side of it. You'd be careful not to hit into anything. You speed up upon seeing a little clearing up front. Only to be blocked by a truck. You tried to overtake, but the oncoming vehicle from the opposite direction doesn't allow you any opportunity at all. So you gave up, be patient and just trailed behind.

An aunty on an old bike cycled past, with some sayur from the morning market in the front basket. A pak cik, in singlets and shorts, sipping coffee at the run down coffee shop. As you stopped to ask for directions, the people were all smiles and were more than willing to tell you how to get there. As you continued your journey further, you'd passed by old, wooden, and nicely kept kampung houses. And then you'd see a railway track running through an oil palm estate not too far away.

You'd imagine that you'd only get to see these if you are on your way back to the north or to the west coast. But, as a matter in fact, you'd only need to travel an hour north of KL to see all these. I couldn't imagine how undeveloped this place could be being so near to KL city. You won't get to see any buildings higher than 5 storries there. People living there were very laid back and everything happens in slow-mo. They talk slowly. They walk slowly. They drive slowly. They do everything slowly. I feel like I'm in another world by going to work there everyday.

The good thing about it is, I get to escape the buzz of city life when I'm there. It's relaxing. It's not that stressfull. It's peaceful. And it's serene.

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Down with fever

It's twice this month. Must be due to the weather. Sunny and rain in the same day. In the end, jadilah macam ni.

Been sleeping alot. Waking up only for food and meds. Maybe that's the reason on why I can't sleep right now. Had too much of sleep already.

But my sleeps were not all that peaceful though. My phone has been ringing all the while. Good timing guys. People who don't usually call suddenly decided to call me to catch up on the very day that I'm ill. And then there are those who decided to have gatherings and a birthday party on this very day as well. Of which, I had to say 'no' of course. Shucks!

Alritey, gonna try to get into dreamland again now. Chiao!

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Yet another goodbye...

Friday was Eugene's last day. The joker has finally said his farewells.

I can't deny that it was a sad to see another batch mate leaving. After all, we've all been going through this journey together. And now, it's time to move on. Looking back, it was surely one hell of a 3 years. Time passes real darn fast.

Yea. I'll surely miss him being around in office. Miss all his crappy emails on tic tacs and chicken crossing roads and chocolates and beans in shoes and what not. Miss his, "Ooii, staying late ar?" And the lunches to Shell that he likes so much because of the "char siew" there.

It was great working with him. The outings have been fun. The company has been good.

So, farewell friend. All the very best in future endeavours.

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Gaya senior

You know when I just got hired as a freshie, I tend to look up to my seniors. They seem to be so 'high-leveled'. They are those that are not boss yet but still you call them superiors. They sometimes act like boss and sometimes they don't. They have a style of their own. They have their own clique. "Oh, that's a second year senior for that xxxx job" and people would automatically go "Wow!". Respect is there. For the knowledge that they posses. For the experiences that they had. For the network that they've build up. So whatever it is that they want you to do, you'd obliged. Be it mere photostating or making morning coffee or running upstairs to get a file.

Three years down the road saw me being that second year senior now. I used to be amazed on how I even got this far. Those 'high-leveled' seniors of mine have all left. I woudn't say that I am 'high-leveled', unless juniors these days think so. Yes, I do have a style of my own. And yesterday, I've put it to full motion.

It was raining in the morning and I was feeling lazy. So I went in to work late, at 10.30 am. Since it was Friday, I went out to Hartamas for lunch and got back in almost 3 hours later. Did some admin work a little before I started to slack and gossiped with my fellow seniors. In the mean while, I checked on my juniors and gave them more work to do. Then I continued with admin work before ended up Facebooking. And my boss didn't bother to check on me. Certain privileges are there when you are at this level. =)

You know, recently I found out that we've been labelled as 'gaya'. Me and my gang. Shocking news. I mean, since when were we mean to anyone? We've been nice to everybody. At least I don't make my juniors to get me morning coffee....

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I'm really getting slimmer!

Caught up with 'uncle' last night.The first thing he said when he saw me, "Eh, you are slimmer again..."

OMG! This has got to stop. I don't want to turn into a lidi. So many people have been telling me that I'm getting slimmer by the day. No. I'm not on diet. No. I'm not aneroxic.

No good. No good. I'm starting my weight gain plan this instant!

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An enchanting dinner with Dato' Sheila Majid

A very enchanting dinner indeed. It was an eye-opener to be able to get up close with Malaysia's Queen of Jazz.

It was a charity dinner. At the grand ballroom of Legend Hotel. I had the privilege of being invited by my boss.

She's an outstanding performer. She got the crowd going...singing along to all her songs. I felt like I'm from another era, cause other than I know that she's really big in Malaysia's music industry, I've got no clue on any of her songs. Apart from "Lagenda". Even then I don't know the full song. Talk about knowing the people in your own country. Hah! Embarassing.

My boss made it a point to buy all of her original albums after the dinner. Me? I take my hats off to her. She's really good. One of the few that's really really good. In Malaysia I mean. And she still looks very charming at age 40 plus. Did you know next year's going to be her 25th year aniversary in show biz? Yea. She's been here that long. And she is still going strong...

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In just a month...

It was really just a month. Exactly a month.

Life was moving at its usual pace. Things were the way it was. Self. Family. Friends. Work. Until a month ago. Something new crept up. Something unexpected. Something that sort of changed things for a little bit.

I was left with varied emotions. In this month alone, I've felt happy. I've felt glad. I've felt pampered. I've felt taken cared off. I've felt safe. And at the same time, I've felt afraid. I've felt sadness. I've felt pain. I've felt guilty. I've felt myself being selfish. I was in a confused state, where I no longer know which is the right thing to do. I no longer know which is the best thing that I should do.

Things are different now. For a little bit, as a new realization sets in. Conclusions have been reached. Promises have been made. All that is left was for time to do its job. Things will no longer be the same, for certain memories are definitely here to stay. Yet, it couldn't have been any better.

All these...in just merely a month....

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New Moon

Vampire vs warewolf. For a human. How much more interesting can that be?

The second sequel to the Twilight saga. Millions of teenage girls going ga-ga over the mysterious Edward Cullen. Even the appearance of the husky Jacob Black caused no threat to his standing.

I've read the book half way before heading to the theatres. Honestly, the book's rather boring. Too lengthy. It didn't catch my interest to read further, so I gave up and decided to watch the movie instead.

The movie, other than the hot cast, has nothing else to boast about. As with the book, it was rather boring. Predictable. And not much climax. So-so only. I wouldn't want to watch it a second time. Way below expectation from the first chapter.

If you asked me, I prefer the warewolf. Looked more healthy. More gaya. C'mon! I didn't give up on hot guys yet.

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Social Cocktail Party

The two things that would not change every year : liquor and dance.

Due to cost constraints, there was no annual dinner this year. Shucks! It was replaced by a cocktail party. Themed "Remembering MJ'. At the Royal Selangor Club. The crowd was much lesser than expected compared to the ones we had previous years. Less than 50%. Nevertheless, we still partied like mad. As those who turned up represented EY's happening clique. Ahem!

The majority of REC

So, with liquor free flow and MJ all throughout the night, you'd know how we ended up. Yeap. Almost everyone got drunk. Some puked. Some started to talk crap. Some even screamed and shouted. Alot of MJ imitations. Alot of cheerings. Alot of flirtings. Alot of dancings. Alot of everything la.

The scene was so chaotic that we don't even know the name of the band that played. We had no idea who won best dressed male and female. We had no idea what the heck was going on on stage. All we do know was to sing along to MJ and keep cheering. Hah!

My girls

(just look at the number of wine glasses...)

Although the party ended rather early, we had a great night. It was definitely a night to remember.

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White lies

Often, you'd get offended when you found out that you've been lied to. You'd be hurt when it's someone close to you. No matter how many "sorrys" have been said, it's not going to rectify the situation. What damage has been done, was being done. You just can't turn back time. You just can't take back the lies that's been said. Be it on purpose or not. Be it for the better or not. It is still a lie. And lies are never good. No matter what the reason. No matter what the situation. Why can't you just tell me the truth? Why is it so hard to do so? We can work things out. You don't have to this.

What if you found yourself lying instead? What if you found yourself saying something other than the truth? Now where would that place you? How would you see yourself?

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REC goes to Bangkok....

Again!!!

We were very excited the first time around, which was 3 years ago. But this time, many were not too keen in going. They had to make it compulsory to make us all go. Nevertheless, we obliged. For one last time. Hah!

So, here it is. REC in Bangkok. 19-21 October 2009.

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To the heart's desire?

If only we could ignore what others perceive. If only we could ignore what others have to say. If only we could ignore what the consequences would be. If only we wouldn't need to lie. If only we wouldn't need to cause so much pain. If only we could take back everything that has been said. If only we wouldn't need to be so cruel. If only we wouldn't need to deny. If only we could just follow the voices of our hearts.....

Certain things just happen. There isn't any reason. Yet, certain circumstances just wouldn't allow it to be. We try our best to act for the benefit of everyone. Even if it means to ignore what our heart says....

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Just a little

Just a little support...a little understanding...and a little love...is all it takes.

Yet, even just a little is just that too much to ask for. Even just a little is not permitted.

Just how much can one endure?

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Random thoughts

The steady breathing came down through the left ear. The chin rested comfortably on the left shoulder. The strong arms found their way around the neck. The heart beat was 'heard' down the spine. The grip was tight, yet it was secure. It was warm. A gaze to the left saw those tender brown eyes gazed back down. Ever so loving. Ever so caring. The grip grew tighter. The tender brown eyes closed. Taking in the moment. Savouring the few minutes that would end too soon.

A playful thought crept to mind. A hard bite was made to the right arm. The tender brown eyes flashed opened. A pained look stared back. But no words were let out. The breathing grew faster and unsteady. The message was clear. The bite was released. But the grip was never loose. The grip still held on. There was silence. The few minutes passed too quickly. The strong arms pulled back.....

"Everytime I close my eyes, I picture your arms around me. Damn. I miss you."

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Acknowledged 'princess'

All the while, I memang know I am one. Well taken cared off. Pampered. Somewhat baby-ied. But I didn't think that my case was that extreme. There are a lot others out there with more princessie attitudes than I do.

Recently, some one acknowledged the fact that I am indeed one. In a very serious manner. May be it was how I carried myself. Or may be it was the things that I've said. The person seemed kinda upset my princessie attitude.

Man! Was it that bad? Was I being that princessie all these while?

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I made her cry

I had never cried because of someone else and never has anyone else cried because of me. Yesterday was the first time ever that someone shed a tear because of what I did.

I was both mad and disappointed at what she said to me. The week had been crazy and the least I expected was this coming from her. "So, you gave her a piece of your mind?" "No. I gave her the cold shoulder the entire day." "Wow...that's even worse." I ignored her messages. I ignored her texts. I ignored her apologies. I ignored her presence. The mental torture I inflicted on her was too much for her to bear that in the end she broke down.

She's this person that has been there whenever I needed someone lately. She's this person that tried every way to cheer me up when times are bad. And yet this was how I repay her for all that she has done to me. I finally talked to her at the end of the day. She couldn't bear to look me in the eye without crying further.

I left her numerous messages after that. She replied after mid night. Out of all the long texts we exchanged, this particular line stayed in me, "Please don't ignore me....." I felt really bad. I told her to forget about it. I know she won't be able to. I know the incident has a left a mark on her. And there's nothing I can do to turn back time.....

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Don't you ever walk away again...

I watched you slowly disappeared out of sight, leaving nothing behind but me...

Don't you ever walk away again...

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Holding back

As I sat there in the dark, I was holding back. I have been holding back the sorrowness that's been lingering all throughout the day. I have been holding back the anger that was laid upon. I have been holding back the desire to apologise so deeply. I have been holding back the urge to say "thank you" a million times. I have been holding back the words that I've been so longing to utter. I have been holding back the thoughts that has been playing in my head. I have been holding back the screams that I had wanted to let out.

As I sat there in the dark, I didn't have the strength any longer to hold back the sobs that seep through.

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An early morning "dim sum"

It's been quite some time since I did something crazy. This person didn't fail to remind me that I am the entire time throughout it. It was not really that crazy all right? It was fun.

After a whole night out, I slept for 2 hours before waking someone else up at 6 am to have "dim sum" with me. I was hungry okay? And I know you're the one person who would agree to go with me. And you did. Even when I dragged you out of dreamland. May be you did it in a terpaksa manner. I wouldn't know if you were cursing before you got out of bed. Or may be you said yes just to entertain me a little bit. I wouldn't know.

But I did get my "dim sum" and the entire time, you kept looking at me, mumbling, "This is crazy. This is crazy. You are crazy. You are crazy." Yes. I am. And so are you. And so are the rest of the patrons. The place was actually packed with people at 6.30am! So we were not the only crazy ones.

Nevertheless, I was satisfied. My cravings were way satisfied....

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I got thinner...yet again

I think it's no longer the dress. Or the blouse. Or the pants. Cause that statement came from quite a number of people who bumped into me lately. "Oh my! You looked thinner." "I did?" And no. I was not flattered. Cause if this continues, I'm going to look like a bamboo. Or maybe a lidi. Why does everyone keep saying that I'm thinner? Did I really lost so much weight? Did I? Did I?

All right. Time to get back in shape. Time to put on more weight. Time to down all the chocs and the ice creams and the cakes and all the chips. How ironic. Alot of other people would kill for this statement. And yet I'm the one that's heading in the opposite direction. Very ironic. We are never satisfied with our bodies. Never.

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"Sir, you gostan first"

Apa benda itu gostan? It's not Malay. It's not Tamil. And it's definitely not English.

But we did fully understood the fella. We reversed our vehicle to allow the on coming one to move into the parking space. And then only we frowned and asked ourselves, "Gostan? Why not reverse? Or undur? Or simply pergi belakang?"

That's being Malaysian. We come out with weird languages and we still get what the other is trying to say.

*Thunbs up!*

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Starbucks delivery...just for me!

The other night, I was mad. Certain deliverables could not be submitted on time. I picked up the phone and spoke in kind of a harsh tone to the person on the other end, demanding an explaination. The other person was in a shock. Stressed up SIC unleashing it all out on me. I was not really at fault. There was nothing I could do to help it. I already did my part. I already did my very best to complete it.

Yes, I know it was no one's fault. It's just that when you are in a rush and things could not be done, you'd be very frustrated. Nevertheless, this person not only did not feel bad, this person did not blame me for it as well. And this person did a rather surprising thing which I have not expected.

This person showed up at my doorstep after work, with an ice-blended mocha on hand. "SIC, something to make you feel better..." I went like, "What?" "It's still cold. I came as fast as I could." The person actually went all the way to Mid Valley to get me a Starbucks. I'm not too sure why of all things, a Starbucks, but I appreciate the thought of it. It was sweet. And, no, I did not mean the ice-blended mocha.

A very good bribing technique. I can't scold you from now on huh? Then you'd stuffed me with another Starbucks....

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No good. No good.

Tired over work. Not been hanging out. Missing a few certain people. Going to lose a few certain people. No chats. Nobody to sayang. No time for my own.

Crap. This is so not good.

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"Back" to school

Wide projected screens. Wooden tables. Microphones. Loose hand-outs. Coloured pens. Doodles. Dozing offs. Whispers. Text-ings. Taking down notes. Passing around attendance lists. Q&A sessions. Sneaking out to the washroom. Empty corridors.

A 2-day training made me felt like I was back in the lecture hall. In the last row, head resting on one hand. The other hand twisting the pen. Looking out the window. Listening, or half listening to the speaker in front. You know what are the good things? No exams! No work! No stress! No need to fork out a single cent! I was asked to attend. So I got myself there, sat, listened and mingled.

Just another one of the privileges that comes with the job.

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Farewell Big D...

Hmmm, I think Big D would no longer be in KL at this hour. And one week later, he would no longer be in Malaysia. Yet another departure. To a land with more opportunities. Well, I do hope you find your opportunities there. Make sure you do.

So, sad to say, I will be missing Big D. I will miss all the free rides and the free Starbucks. Yes, of course the company as well. You have been great. Whenever any outing goes haywire, I will bring you up all right? "If only David was here..." Hah!

Take care! All the best! Keep in touch! And make sure you get to MSN there. =)

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Sun set

I had the most remarkable view of the sun setting yesterday evening. No. I don't have to hike up hill. Neither do I have to be at some beach to wait for it. All I need to do is stand by the window, and there, at eye level, I get to see the bright, round, orange sun disappeared slowly amongst the mountains.

And the sky. The sky was a perfect blend of pink, orange and yellow colours. Surrounded by dark blue and grey. For that whole 5 minutes, as the sun sets, the view was totally breathtaking. You'd see the sky changes colours without the light of the sun and then gradually, it became pitch black. And from far below, the lights of buildings and streets and cars made the view so much more memorable. The land below stretches for as far as your eyes takes you. As you wander into nothing-ness, you get the company of small flickering lights in between. You'd feel calm. You'd feel at peace. You'd feel like spreading your wings and fly.

Okay. Okay. I know it's not good enough to allow your imagination to run. Never mind. What I saw yesterday was indescribable. And I saw sun set at eye level! Eye level man! It was enough to make my day.

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Every little thing counts

I need a hug...
I need reassurance that everything is fine...
I need to know that I am not screwing things up...
I need to know that I am not a failure...
I need to know that I didn't disappointed people...
I need to know if I made the right judgement...
I need to know if it's all worth it....
I seriously need a hug...

Please don't make it worst than it already is, all right?

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I'm not pyschotic!

A little clear up on me being a pyschotic senior. As what the whole world knows through my Facebook, I was making my junior work till 4 in the morning.

The truth is, yes, the junior was with me at that hour, but, we were not working. And it wasn't me either who posted that line up on my profile. Man, was I being so misunderstood!

I was actually at home, in fact. This junior came ringing my doorbell at 1 am. People just like to crash at my gate at all the weird hours. Anyway, the junior was rather stressed up from work. Coming to think of it, why would the junior be more stressed up than I am? So, to make the junior feel better, we just talked. Browsed pictures. Played games. Teased around.

Up until 4 am when we realised we got to get to work in a few more hours. Before the junior left, she left me a little "souvenier" on my wall. Right. If that's not enough, I ended up all stoned the next morning. I gave a different answer to what my boss asked. I took the elevator to the wrong level without knowing it. I typed the wrong report. Total blur case!

Man! Once was enough. Girl, if you want to talk the next time around, don't come on weekdays all right? You can have all my weekends.

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Sayang sayang

C'mon! Surely everyone wants to be disayang. It can come in many forms. But no matter what form it is, it never fails to tickle the heart. It never fails to bring out some warmth. It never fails to make you feel special.

So keep the love going on out there and sayang back those that sayang you. It's a pretty good feeling. It'll make your day!

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The biggest joke ever

This girl called me at late last night, in a very anxious tone.

"Ehhh...how?? My purse is with A."
"Huh? Why is your purse with her?"
"I told her to keep it while at the movies just now. I forgot to take it back."
"HAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAAAA......."
'I got no IC and no licence now. How?"
"AHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAAAAAA......."

I couldn't stop laughing since. I'm mean. I'm real mean. I was still laughing when I went to pick her up to get her purse back. The movie had ended late and both of them went their separate ways after that. So they blamed each other for the incident. How cute. Lol!

I will remind her about it each time I see her. The joke will continue.

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My team

As what I told one of them, I am going to miss this year's team. Even before the job is over, I know I will definitely miss them.

Miss them for all the fun we had. Miss them for all the outings. For all the discussions. For all the arguments. For all the late nights. For all the crappiness. For all the MSNs and Facebooks. For all the pictures.

We started out as strangers 2 months back. But now, we can talk about almost anything. No strings attached. It takes a little fate to meet the right people who click at times. These are the people that do click.

I am glad that we were all thrown into the job this year.

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I don't like this...

I don't like people to leave...
I don't like to miss them...
I don't like to know that it won't be the same again...
I don't like to look back and wished that they are still here...
I don't like to look at pictures and bring up memories...
I don't like to miss the laughters and the time spent together...
I don't like the answer to "Why did you have to go?"...
I don't like to think about how are they doing...
I don't like the feeling of not knowing when I could see them again...

I just don't like all of it!

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Working weekends

If you'd be in my line long enough, your mind would keep asking if working on weekends is appropriate.

If you don't work, you'll never meet that ridiculous deadline and not only your boss would come after you, your clients would be literally yelling at you everyday.

But if you do work on weekends, you'd wonder if it's worth to sacrifice your time and your loved ones over something which might not be appreciated in the end. C'mon! It's the weekends. From a more logical point of view, it's not meant for working.

It's the same thing every weekend. I know I got this job to complete. And I know I have sufficient time on the weekend to do it. But somehow or rather, I'd do every other thing but work. You know, the mood is not in. The time is not right. I'll put it till noon. From noon I'll push it to the evening. From the evening, I'd say, "Hey, there's still a few more hours at night." And then for all I know, it's already Monday, and nothing has been touched.

Now, as I sit here with guilt (do I even have to feel guilty?), I still don't have the heart to complete that damn thing. Right. Screw it. I'm off to bed.

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One pampered day

It's nice to be pampered for one day. Yea, just one day.

I was slouched on the arm chair. Listening to my favourite songs. With my legs curled up. A cup of hot white coffee by the side. People talking all around the room. A junior beside me, fixing something that went wrong on my screen. Another junior got me breakfast. Another one carried my stacks of files down to the car. Another one 'threw' me a jacket during movie. Someone paid for dinner. Someone got me a ride home. Someone let me have the last few gums in the bottle.

On this fine day, I felt like I didn't have to do anything. I felt taken cared off. It's a fine feeling. And it only happened for one day. Shucks! Wouldn't it be nice if I get to get what I want everyday?

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Purposes

Today, I wonder...about purposes.

Purpose. Purpose. Purpose.

Does everything being done serves any purpose? Do you have a purpose? Does one actually knows their purposes? Does one understands their purposes? Does one meets their purposes? Are their purposes worth it? Has one diverted from their purposes?

Just what the hell are my purposes?

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Kids at work

And what do you get? Chaos!

That's my current team. Grown up 'kids' at work. Not a day passes without teasings and laughters. You should take a look at the meeting room that we are in. The table can hardly be seen, covered with laptops, pencil cases, loose papers, cables, charges, bottles. The floor is covered with our bags, trash, files, stacks of papers and boxes. Have you seen kids fight for space? Come visit us one day.

Then there's the whiteboard. Not for work purposes. But for map directions, after work 'happy hour' schedules, movie listings and total unpaid amounts for lunches and dinners.

Speaking about food, we eat every single hour of everyday. There's a snack bar at a corner of the room. You will find one dozen of Nescafes, 10 packs of Extra chewing gums, one big packet of Mamee, 2 packets of chips, one pack of Lot 100, one packet of 'heong pneah', some kacang tumbuk, some pineapple tarts, one 'tong' of Julie's love letters. If that's not enough, you will see cups of bubble teas, Old Town's toast and McD's sundae on and off.

There's an issue with the air-conditioning as well. We fight for temperature. I come in early and set it at 21 degrees. 15 minutes later, someone complained too cold. So we increased it to 25 degrees. 15 minutes later, another complained too stuffy. So we lowered the temperature to 22 degrees. 15 minutes later..well, you know, it continues for the rest of the day.

To decide for lunch and dinner is also another fun part. You look at me, I look at you. No conclusion? So we vote. Still no conclusion? We look at each other again. Half an hour past and when we got really hungry, we head back to the same cafe as yesterdays. Nice.

If I were to leave the firm one day, this is what I'll miss. A whole bunch of people having a good time at work. Even when I make them work till 11pm. No. They made me stay till 11pm. I told them to cut off at 10pm. They said no! Unbelievable.

And at 11pm, we raced to get home. Once we hit the freeway, you'll see a total of 7 cars picking up speed, cutting in and out and zoom, they are no where in sight. And you'll hear this the first thing the next morning, "Why did you cut in front of me last night??".

I am anticipating our next movie night. Our next karaoke session. And to get that Ramli burger that we have been talking for weeks.

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The thing about personality

I like to watch people who has this 'in' thing. You know, people with a certain aura. Those that make your head turn when they walk past. They don't have to be very good-looking. It's just this something about them that catches your attention. And no matter how long you watch them, it doesn't bore you. That aura never fades. It's that something that makes them who they are.

Like the way they talk. Like the way they walk. Like the way their body moves. Like the way they stand. Or even those gestures that they make everyday. Something unique that makes them stand out. Something that makes them different. It's hard to describe in words. You'd just go "Oh wow!" inside when you see one.

Not everyone has it. Some people do. Some people just don't.

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Be jovial

A close friend woke me up early one morning to talk crap. I have a few crappy friends. As I mentioned, they like to either call real early in the moring or real late at night. Oh wait. That would be me.

Anyway, at the end of the conversation, he reminded me one thing. "It would be a lovely day! Be happy all right? Be happy each day!" It's weird that the statement came from someone like him. Since he sounded so excited, I decided to go with the flow. I said all right, I will be happy today.

And yes, with that thought in mind, it does make a difference.

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Si Adik comel

Ain't she adorable?

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"fan shu fu chuk tan"

In this context, it's not a dessert.

When my friends get mad, they come up with all kinds of funny funny phrases. This, is a swear word. Used in conversations about your boss, or about your colleagues or about that nasty stranger in the bus.

As we are all polite people, we shall unleash our angers in a more polite way, shall we?

Now you've learnt something new today. Use it wisely.

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At the end of today...

I felt...

1) ...that I failed as a leader
2) ...that I looked awful in my favourite top
3) ...that I looked horrible with panda eyes
4) ...disgusted with myself
5) ...that I croaked when I talk
6) ...that I sucked at what I am doing
7) ...that people disliked me
8) ...that I am not that good after all

Today is one of those days, again.

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I enjoy...

......Starbucks-ing with my mates....on a humid Saturday evening....amidst the crowd....around a small table...fiddling with straws and serviettes...checking out young, hot people...and being checked out at the same time....(we are young and hot too okayy..)

I like our version of gejala lepak. The high-classed way.

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"llp" left

My very first senior, left, yesterday, after serving the firm for 4 years. I am going to miss arguing with her.

She handed me my first assignment. She guided me through all these years. She solved what ever work that I couldn't resolved. She's dedicated. In her eyes, I'm always that playful junior that sometimes doesn't listen to her orders. Yes. There were times when I don't agree with her. There were times when I argued till the end. There were times when I covered her back. There were times when I manja with her. Up to the last minute yesterday, she was still telling me how to solve the working

I can no longer run to her. I'm on my own now. Shucks! Nevertherless, I believe she has taught me well. Although I'm never her match, but I will try to work the way she did. I won't let you down!

A colleague. A mentor. A friend.
All the best!

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Pissed off!

Arghhhh!!!!

This is bad. Was really mad at a couple of people. And for that, I think I've blew it. It's not the way that it should be done. It's not my fault. It's not your fault. Then who's fault is it? No matter who's fault is it, you want me to deal with it. Crap. Sorry hun, I've got no time for your games. And I don't want to be in your games. I've got too much to deal with already.

Going back to where I came from always made me felt better. Hah. Maybe it's those certain people who have those certain effects. Those soothing effects. I still am mad, but not so from this morning. Thank you you mate.

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Surprised sister

As I post this entry, I was seated in front of the PC in a pair of jeans and a 'spaghetti' top. My little sis walked in through the front door and looked at me.

"Jie, did you just got back or are you about to go out?"

I got stunned a little. Then I turned to her and replied, "Just got back..."

"Uh, so early? Surprising..."

Even my little sis doesn't believe that I could be a goodie-two-shoes. I am a goodie-good girl!

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An intimate dinner with the Dutchess

She's back! Yes. The Dutchess is back. My bestie from the olden days. Still the same as always.

A little get together got chaotic. Every sentence garnered a hearty laugh. So many memories were brought up. We laughed on all the silly silly things back then. The locked up with cute kittens. The scoldings during assemblys. The getah and the batu serembans. The puppy loves. The pink autograph books. The flunking of chairs. The popular guys. The shoe-whitening with chalks. The nasi lemak. The pranks we played. Our half finished book. The 'privileges' of being prefects.

Those wonderful days. We had so much fun together. It's good to see them again. My childhood people. It was a great dinner. I've never had so much laughs in one night. We even camwhored all around a closed mall. On the dark corridors. In the elevator. At the carpark. Even in the car. Gosh, it was like the 'us' 13 years ago came bursting out of ourselves on that very night.

Man! The barly lime defintely must have been spiked. Serious.

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Lucky

The more I mingle with society, the more I hear of all the miserable stories, the more I realised that life has been treating me okay so far. I mean it's not very good, I'm no heiress with no worries, but it's not that bad either. And I am glad for all the blessings that I have been bestowed upon. What more can I ask for?

I got to put an end to all my whinings and complaints and to start to be thankful for everything that I have. Yes. I am thankful. I am glad.

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The King of Pop

No one bothered much about him after his fame died down. It is only when he's dead that he got one whole day dedicated to him. From CNN to radio stations to MTV to Facebook to Twitter to YouTube to Google. Reports of his death was plastered all over the news. Every one of his songs from each of his albums have been playing all over. You see him, you hear him in all forms of media today and I believe for the next few days to come.

We all grew up with his presence. We all grew up trying to mimic the all famous "moon walk". Still, no one ever does it best but him alone. I remember my childhood days were filled with Michael Jacksons. His songs were practically used in all kinds of school events. Although I'm not really a big fan of his, but who could deny the influence he had over the millions of people around the world. If I had to pick, it would be "You are not alone ". It was used during a school performance which remained an all time favourite.

He was gifted with a huge talent. He leaves behind a legacy. He leaves behind a name that will always be remembered.

He finally rests in peace.

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Managing people

Humans are the most complicated creatures ever alive.

If you are able to get few different bunch of people in order and keep all of them happy, while maintaining your cool all the while, I will definitely salute you. Hats off!

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Age matters

To some, age is just a number. But to some others, age is more like a benchmark.

I have to get out of school at 17. I have to get a driver's license at 18. I have to get out of uni at 24. I have to get a job at 25. I have to own a house of my own at 27. I have to be married at 28. I have to reach manegerial level at 30. I have to have babies at 30. I have to save RM 500,000 at 40. I have to retire at 55. I have to have grandchildren at 65. And maybe I have to die at 80?

And then there are the more laid back ones who doesn't give a damn about all these. Why must I do a certain thing at a certain age? You mean I can't learn to drive at 30? You mean I can't continue studying till 35? You mean I can't get married at 18? You mean I can't have my first child at 40? You mean I can no longer go clubbing at 45? You mean I can't die at 20?

Alot of talk has revolved around being in a certain age group. More open minded thoughts would say that you can always do what ever you want at what ever time you want, as long as you still have the desire to do so. More traditional thoughts would say that, "No. No. You can no longer do that. You are already 30 for goodness sake." Age, some what became a barrier in fulfilling dreams.

A "pou chuk" session with Piggy brought up this discussion. Is 25 years of age considered old in one's life?
"Oh my goodness! You are already 25...."
"Oh my goodness! You are only 25...."

What? Meaning? Is 25 young or old? We would think that it depends on how you look at it. If you think that you've gone through a lot and you feel old, then you can consider being 25 is old. If you think that you haven't done much and that your life is just beginning, then you can consider being 25 is young. It's all in the mind. And the way that you were being brought up. And the people you mingle with.

To me, age is just another number. Sad to say, not everyone thinks the same way. And it's hard to convince them otherwise....

And you? What is age to you?

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Favouritism

I am just not that good enough. I am never going to be that good enough. No matter what I do.

Just tell me what does it takes to satisfy all you people? Just tell me what do I got to do...

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Being emo

My trusty senior is pulling out from the job due to personal reasons. My manager demands that I show up at his place this instant just to do this one printing. My this other senior needs to be spoon fed on all the petty matters. Juniors are looking at me on the hiccups that they can't solve. More juniors turning up to me on all unrelated matters. I got two dinners to organise. I went back to office and couldn't find a single familiar face that I'm confortable with. A close friend rang to say goodbye. I looked into a friend's update and saw that she got to do what I had wanted to do. I need to decide on whether to further my studies or to switch to a new field.

All in once, I felt upset. I felt stressed. I felt alone. I felt like I don't belong. I have so many things running in my head. My little emotional blow up in FB garnered so many comments that I didn't know what to answer. Letting out to a few friends didn't helped ease the stress. Man, I'm having a massive headache....

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