I'm being misunderstood!

Heard something shocking today. Actually, I've been asked something shocking. Seems like rumours have been going around. In office! My manager and my seniors had to come up to my face for clarifications. I was like "What the hell?" "How come you people are telling me things about myself that even I have no idea about?" They were all over me with, "Is it true that....?" "I heard from this particular person that you....." "People have been talking....."

Gosh, I didn't even do anything! People and their wild imaginations. They can literally come up with anything. I didn't think that the way I am has brought up so many curiosities at work. Well, people don't usually work in ofiice. They do lots of other things. Like gossiping. And eavesdropping? And then everything goes back to my seniors and manager. Nice!

I didn't think that people have different perceptions of me from the way I live my life. Maybe I was portraying the wrong side of me. Or maybe I was hiding the real side of me. All I know is that they got me all wrong. "We know you are....." "Don't lie la. We know what you did last weekend...." They got the facts partly and guessed the other half of it. And out came a new version of me. Yay! And then came all the ridiculous perceptions.

I don't intend to clarify. It's hard to change the way people think. Prove is all it takes.

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Christmas 2007

It was a real cold Christmas this year. First it was raining, and it had to rain on the eve where we planned to celebrate it in Genting Highlands. You guys got what you wanted. My peps have been talking about going to Genting for as long as I can remember. Even though we've been there for like a zillion times already.

So, with colourful lights, eye-catching decos, hundreds of people, freezingly cold wind and in the company of close friends, we counted down to Christmas 2007 at the open carpark in front of the Highlands hotel. Not really a count down actually. Cause a lot of people were counting down and we got rather confused as to which was the actual time. So, we just stood watch. Yea. Just watched. Another Christmas with my close friends. Damn. Even then, something was seriously missing. The feel is there. The time is perfect. The atmostphere was something to remember. There's simply no right person around to complete my Christmas eve. Damn.

We were lucky enough to get last minute rooms at the First World Hotel. After all these years, things within the group has definitely changed. Well, at least in room plannings. During our first few outings (years ago), we were 'shy'. Girls and guys would sleep in separate rooms. Recently, we don't seem to care that much. It's couples one room. Non-couples one room. A mix of everyone in a room.

Well, this year's Christmas was so-so only la. I mean, how much fun could you possibly have in Genting. I'm no longer 10 years old. It's just the company that I'm into. Yea. And I enjoyed the company of you people.

By the way. it's either I don't get it or you people don't get it. When FRIENDS get together, it's called a GROUP OUTING! Decipher the meaning yourself.

So, Merry Belated Christmas. It was definitely a very cold one this year.

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My Only Wish This Year

One catchy song. One that I've been playing all the time. Well, it is the only Christmas song that matches me all these years. And my wish never did came true. Listen to it and you'll know. Enjoy the song!

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Loner

I try not to think of myself as one. But sometimes, it's very hard not too when you don't have someone to call your own. People around have been telling me, " Aiseh, you don't need one now. You're still young. Opportunities will come your way. After all, you have friends around you. They can fill your time. You should be contented."

Yea. There are friends around. Some might think that I have a lot to choose from. My weekends would most probably be filled with events that I could not resist. Parties. Movies. Shoppings. Dinners. Hangouts. Is that the type of impression I give people about myself? Well, I can tell you one thing that holds so true after all has happened lately. Nothing is forever. Nothing stays with you.

So what if I have tonnes of friends whom I can call whenever I want? Friends are just friends. They are not obligated to keep you company. You will never know what does it feels like to not able to find a single person to accompany you when you wanted someone to. People come. People go.

I know I've shown pictures of me and my close friends or "gangs" on friendster and facebook. People that are really close and I enjoyed my time with them. But as I said, nothing is forever. I was having a drink with a gang of them just moments ago and I could forsee that we will definitely split up. We will not be as close to each other as we had before. Things just happen you know. People do change. Situations change. And what can you do to make them remain the same as before? That's the unpredictability in life.

The sting of loneliness gets more deadly when I see couples in love together. Especially so when they are within the group. Not to say that it's a bad thing. I do understand the affections. But sometimes it just reminded me of how pathetic I am. How where I don't have anyone to care about or anyone to be concerned of. I am sincerely happy for friends who gets into relationships. But it's also the point where I realise that I would be going to loose them. They defintiely won't have time for me anymore. The statement holds true for every friend of mine that has gotten into any relationship. That is why I'm sometimes kinda afraid to hear the news. I would rather not know.

It is getting more intensed lately. When I thought that I had found people who would really hang out with me, people who are in the same situation, it suddenly came crashing down that all my thoughts are never meant to be true. And I was thrown back to my original state when my friends left for their other halfs. I am left hanging in alone again. As it has always been.

I have no intention of sounding desperate. I know I won't be able to find someone in life. That's just my luck you know. I do suck at relationships. I was planning to live life as it is and enjoy every moment of me being a person. I was thinking that if maybe I have my friends around and that I'm doing what I like to do, I can kill my loneliness gradually. But my friends are no longer around. And I don't have a purpose in what I'm doing. I'm just like floating on to no where seeking for directions or some light that could lead me out of this misery.

Happiness doesn't stay long too. Like what I told this friend of mine. There would always be an end to the happiness experienced. And at every end, there would be a beginning. A beginning. An end. A beginning. An end. Just how many times can you find ways to overcome the ending and to start anew? And just how many times can you bear the pain of the ending? I'm getting tired. I no longer know what to do.

After this entry, I would think that I'm a loner. Yes, I am one. A loner.

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REC Industrial Update

It was actually a training la. Only the name sounds abit canggih. Industry update. It is an annual thing done by the managers in my department to update us on the recent chnages in FRSs and some other things that we should know for the upcoming peak for audit firms.

This year's industry update was held at the KGPA. To be honest, training was only done for the first half of the day. It was so brief that I didn't really quite understood what was it all about. And after some time, we were simply not listening anymore. I meant, me and my gang. We were seated right up at the front, chatting and exchanging pictures. C'mon. We were bored. Yea, yea, yea. I know it was rude.

And then, for the second half of the day, we had team building exercises. I don't know about it, but that's quite a regular thing in my department as well. Suka-suka, team building. Suka-suka play team games. So what did we do? First, there's this human bingo. Then, the human spider, where they tied our hands to one end of a string and we had to entangle ourselves from it. Then we had to build a bridge out of newspapers that could hold a full 1.5 litre mineral bottle. Tough huh? But my team managed to do it. Yay!

After the games, we hung out at my colleague's place to freshen up before heading to Tropicana Golf and Country Club for a dinner. It's part of the training as well. There's a dress code this year. We can only go in 3 colours. And each colour signifies your love status. Red for the married and unattached. Orange for those who has complicated relationships and green for singles and availables. If you don't dress to the code, you'll get punished. The organizing committee was forcing us to make our stand. Haha. No need to guess, I went in green. Obviously. But, the room was mostly in red and green. Some don't really dress to their status anyway. It was all just for fun.

The juniors and newcomers got orientated that night. So we sat back, feasted and enjoyed the show. Their orientation performance was all about TV series : CSI, American Idol, America's Next Top Model, Heroes, Desperate Housewives. Then we had some lucky draws. Orientated the newly promoted managers with some real embarrasing catwalks. Crowning of our very own Mr and Ms REC. Which went to the managers la by the way. Played some more games. More cheerings and clappings And not to forget, photo snappings.

The night ended rather late with a gift exchange event. Since Christmas is coming rite? I got a small musical Xmas tree. In white and pink. Lovely. It's sitting on my shelf now. It was another wonderdul night. I had fun.

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Annual Dinner and Dance 2007

There was no rush this year. No rain. Everything was well planned from the start right till the end. From attire, to make up, to transportation to post ADD events.

Held at the Shangri-La Hotel again, this year was my second participation. And it sure was better than last year. The theme set was "Colours of Malaysia : Celebrating 50 years of Independence". As usual, we didn't dressed to the theme. My attire was acquired at some boutique at Sunway Pyramid. A dark turquoise halter neck, knee length dress with some glittery beads at the front. To my liking and affordable, so I went for it.

We arrived on time for the dinner. A table has already been reserved for the "gang". A whole 10 of us. No more. No less. And it was absolutely fun. To be surrounded with familiar people and those whom you clicked with. The night went along with tonnes of picture takings, beer drinkings, flirtings, and joke crackings.

There were not much activities being laid out for the night. A few songs were belted out by some local jazz band. A few lucky draws which I tak kena. Crowning of the best dressed male and female of the night. The only performance worth remembering for the night was an appearance by Harith Iskandar. Our local king of comedy. Well, maybe not the king but he was damn good. Good at words. Good at acting. Good at keeping his audiences at the edge of their seats. The whole ballroom was full of laughter from the moment he walked on stage to the end of his show some 40 minutes later. * Thumbs up*

As a bunch of young adults, no way we were going to head home after the dinner rite? Since this would be the last ADD that we would be together. So the few of us headed down to Poppy for a second round of dancing and boozing. Actually, we ended up at Passion Bar. Got ourselves a little drunk over a bottle of Barcadi Lemon, went wild dancing on the dance floors, snapping more pictures, had some more in depth heart-to-heart talk, drank some more and continued dancing. Yeah man. A real eye-opener. I never knew my fellow colleagues could be that wild. It was definitely fun. Much more fun. I'll never forget that night.

We had a third round of drinking after the club closed at 3 am. We went to a nearby mamak for a teh tarik session. Imagine mamak ambience with dresses and shirts. So damn cacat. But we needed to cool down to avoid getting blocked by the police. And to fill our growling tummies after using up all energies on the dance floor. But we didn't managed to stay long there as all of us were already dead tired. Make ups were melting. Feet were wobbly. Heads were spinning. And some one was throwing up on the streets. Aiseh, time to balik rumah. And so we did. Reached home at 5 in the morning.

Took a fast shower and immediately crashed on the bed when the cock started to crow. Woke up some 9 hours later with the previous night's events still clear in my head. It was a night to last a lifetime.

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So, I'll see you around...

I took my car to the car wash earlier and while I was waiting for my 'baby' to be done, I got engaged in a conversation with this fella there. He was driving a Myvi as well, so we came to talk about Myvi cars. Heck! What do I know about cars right? I am not interested in how they work. So long as they are able to get me to where I wanted to go in one piece, I'm fine with it. Yea, you could say that I'm one typical girl. Anyway, I just blurted out what ever knowledge I had about cars just so to get the conversation going.

He came before me and they finished off his car first. As he turned to leave, he said, "So, I'm making a move first. See you around." I merely smiled and nodded back. Then it got me thinking. This is one fella that I've never met and I probably would never meet again. It got me puzzled as to how is he going to "see me around". He didn't know where I lived and I didn't know his place of residence either. Both of us being at the same car wash, at the same time, was just a mere coincidence. I don't think I would want to see him again anyway.

Wonder if people atually do get the meaning of that phrase. Cause from my perspective, it would mean that you are about to take off and there's a very high possibility that you would meet that someone again. Maybe you work in the same place or maybe you frequent the same cafe or something. You might not meet everyday. But there's a possibility that you might bump into each other.

Definitely not in situations where you know 100% that you won't be meeting the person again. It just sends the wrong message out man. But I guess, it would be the appropriate thing to say in this urban culture of ours. A form of courtesy. Whether you know a particular person or not. It does sounds nice and proper. Even though the meaning is misleaded.

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Thank God I found "you"

Hah! Remember these? Shots from where we first met to some of the high points of our friendship? This video was a courtesy of Pa, which I found hidden beneath all my files and folders of my previous computer. Still intact though.

It was not that long ago when Pa said this, "When you look back at this video 10 years down the road, you will definitely miss all those times we had together. And there won't be a single dry eye in the house then." Well, Pa, I would like to say that, "I don't think I would be crying then, I would be smiling. As I am now. "

Man, do I miss those days. And it was only 1 or 2 years back. Seems like forever huh? Look how young we were then....hahaha!

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Mood revived

Something good happened today. Something that brought my mood back to its usual state. A friend had called for a casual chat. Another friend made plans for a coming outing. Cracked some real stupid jokes with my colleagues. Gossipped with another one of them. Laughter is the best medicine.

I'm not really very hard to satisfy, am I? Little day-to-day happenings can sometimes brightened up my life. I let go off yesterday's dark skies to a shinier one today. I just woke up feeling very much better. Got up early. When to work early. And was more productive and efficient in what ever it is I did.

I guess when you are feeling confident, everything else would be in place. People seem to treat you better. Work seems to be going on more smoothly. And you would smile to every obstacle that comes your way. You tend to be more forgiving too.

People around me does make alot of difference. Familiarity is a very big issue to me. If you know what I mean.

The magic of life. Salute.

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Gloomy

The weather has been gloomy this morning. I woke up to a dark sky. The same goes for my mood.

Yea. Something has been bothering me. Or should I say "alot of things". And if you asked me specifically what, I can't answer you. What had triggered it?, someone close asked. I honestly can't tell you either. A little bit of this. A little bit of that. They get all mixed up inside me, transformed into this huge 'virus' and attacked my mind all at once.

Now I'm afraid. Afraid to be me. Afraid to continue this.

It's difficult to explain. I only know at this very moment, I feel like holding someone tight and let it all out.

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Now you have it, now you don't

People contradict themselves at times. It happens to everyone at some point in time or the other.

Life can be very routine. You do the same type of work. You meet with the same colleagues. You hang out with the same friends. You buy the same groceries. You attend the same functions. You drive through the same route. You eat the same meals. Day in, day out. And after a while, you'd dread the things that you do everyday. You'd get fed-up. You'd get frustrated. You'd get irritated. You'd start to long for a change. Oh, how nice would it be if you could do other things instead? Your mind plays with all other types of possibililties. And when you can't hold on to it any longer, when you can no longer contain your longing, you'd resort to the change you desired.

You switch jobs. You meet new colleagues. They introduced you to new friends. When your lifestyle changes, so does almost every other thing. You start to buy different groceries. You attend different functions. You drive through a whole different route all together. You tend to try out new dishes. And you are happy with it. There's absolutely nothing wrong. As a young adult, you have no problems in adapting to change. That's what we do anyway. Young people are adventurous. We can't be just sticking to one "life" all the time.

But along the way, as you are enjoying a new you, you suddenly come across your "old" lifestyle out of the blue. A call from a previous colleague. A gathering from an "old" friend. A stop by this cafe that you frequented everyday a few months ago. A diversion back to the route you once used and familiar buildings came into view. You experience a sudden pang of nostalgia and you kinda miss your "old" life once a upon a time ago. Never mind the sour parts, at least the sweet ones did not fail to put a smile onto your face. Some where deep inside your head, you would like to re-live the life you had. The one that you were so comfortable with. The one that kept you safe.

Maybe you can say that life has way of messing up with you. You neglect the things that you are blessed with. And when you lose it, whether by choice or not, you would be dying to get it back. Only that things will never be the same again. Might not hold true for certain people. But I reckon surely everyone feels that way. Cause we share this one thing in common. We are all humans.

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A wild bird in an open cage

Yea. That would be me. The wild bird. A friend got me that. Woo...Whooo... I never thought that I was the wild type. Define "wild"? Am I really?

Just because I was home watching some tv on a Saturday night that I got called as a "wild bird which couldn't spread its wings when the cage door was left open". Nice. Firstly, I don't fly. And second, I'm certainly not caged.

A little late night hanging-outs. Some dinners. Some yam chas. Some movies. Some shoppings. Doesn't constitute as wild right? Well, everyone else does that! At least I don't do drugs or go rempit some where out on the freeway. Now that's what I call wild.

So, I am considered "tame" for someone my age. Haha.

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A recent conversation.......

A: It's definitely dumb to be a good person, so why bother?
B: Gosh, who mistreated the good person in you?
A: Erm, myself?
B: So are you planning to be cruel now instead?
A: At least I won't feel so foolish then...
B: Sigh! It's this character of yours that makes this world a better place. The world is happier with good people like you around...
A: Gee, I'm going to check the quotes website to see if you got this from there. =)
B: .......


Simple words do bring huge differences. The thing is are you concerned enough to say a few of them? Even if you do not really meant what you've said? Just for the sake of lightening up a friend?

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A week's break!

Just a week. Some say that it's a lot. I would think that it's nothing comparable to a whole month some people are getting. Anyway, don't be jealous. I will be so packed with work when I get back in next week. So please don't kacau me with work now.

How do I plan my week long holiday? Nothing much actually. Getting some personal stuff done. Catch up with friends. Indulge in my long-left-aside novel. Swim. Blog. Blog. Blog. Making mid night calls. Haha! Kan biasa for me...And most importantly, getting loads and loads of sleep. Yeah. Sleep. Sleep. Sleep.

So, you'd be seeing more of me these days.

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Simple pleasures

I'm a very simple person. Little things in everyday life can give me great pleasures.

Last Sunday was spent at the Pyramid. Dia's birthday celebration. There were no other plans after that. And so, the few of us hung around the mall for 3 hours with no purpose in mind. True lepaking! Haha! Well, there was a purpose la. We were to buy Dia's gift. But most of the time we were memang lepaking.

Standing behind pillars. Gathering in front of the elevators. Gathering in front of the stores. Sitting by the side walks. Walking up and down without directions. Moving in and out of the stores, comparing prices and designs. We stood at one point, brainstormed for the next activity or for the ideal place to have dinner. Got no conclusion, walked a few stores down, stopped, and did the same thing. Still, no conclusion, strolled around the corner, stopped in front of another store and did the same thing again. I just love you guys la!

Too tired of walking and standing around? We headed to McD's for a drink and by then, dinner time was near and yet no decision has been made still. Hah! Eventually, we got the gift and found a place for dinner. Coincidentally, the gift was what she spotted few days ago. Is it really such a coincident? =P

They are really a cute bunch of people. It's good to have them around sometimes. No doubt.

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The biasness in everything

Life is unfair. No one ever said that it is not. In everything to be done, in every action to be taken, in every decision to be made, in every words to be said, there would be an element of biasness. No one is of the exception. Not your family, not your friends, not your colleagues, not your boss, definitely not a stranger and not even your own self.

No matter how often you lied to yourself by saying that you are treating everyone the same, the actions showed otherwise. It's perfectly human nature after all. People would of course look after themselves first. And then to those of their liking. But at that very same moment, they would expect or demand to be treated better than the rest. They portrayed biasness to others and yet wanted to be treated fairly. Things get ugly when people fail to get what they desired.

I guess it's relatively human nature too that people don't think by what I would like to call a "two-way matching". If you want others to do good on you, surely you'd have to do good on others in the first place. How can you expect others to willingly help you out when you pushed them away in times of neeed? The surprising thing is that you'd get all upset and begin to curse that particular person for not offerring their help. People are this funny at times. What can you say to make them change their minds? Nothing. They were born with it and they would continue to live with it. Unless, you are able to make them fall real bad in order to wake them up.

Sometimes, I would like to think that life is worth giving up with. It's okay if poeple at work hurt you. They don't really matter. Once the job is done, you'd never see them again. It would still be okay if your friends hurt you. You can switch friends anytime you like. They don't stick with you forever after all. It would be painfully okay if your CLOSE friends hurt you. People make mistakes. You would forgive them for who they are. But what if family hurts you? In times of need. In times when you needed some one to be there for some support. In times when you needed to hear some consoling words. And then biasness creep up. You begin to compare. You begin to feel unfair. What do you do when tears no longer heal? When the shattered could no longer be shattered? You would just give up.

Life is memang unfair. In everything. Prove me wrong!

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Friends with benefits

Ever heard about Friends with Benefits? I first heard about it through One Tree Hill. I forgot which episode was it in already. It was an album set up by Peyton and her biological mum Ellie for the cause of breast cancer. Supposedly to raise fund for it. Ellie died not long later bacause of the cancer. From what I presumed, 'friends with benefits' in this context would mean that there are people who will stand by your side in times of need. People that will never give up on you even when you feel like giving up yourself. Watch the series to get the full meaning of it.

In other context, according to UrbanDictionary.com, they laid out another meaning to it. 'Friends with benefits' here means 'two friends who have sexual relationship without being emotionally involved. Typically two good friends who have casual sex without having a monogamous relationship or any kind of commitment.' I guess it's pretty much self-explanatory. No further eleborations needed, right?

But what I really wanted to talk about is neither of those stated above. It's more to the lay man term. Just read 'friends with benefits' and tell me what comes to your mind at the very first instance. I would say friends who allow you to gain some benefits out of them. More to like friends for your use at your own discretion. You must be wondering, "Why would there be such dumb people in the world?". Believe me, there is. Some might not know that they aleady fall into the category of being used. Some might be doing it willingly. Some might be doing it to gain something back in return. In short, being a friend is tough. Being a good friend is even more harder.

I never knew by being friends can be so complicated. At least, that's not how I got the definition of 'friends' from. Nor have I grew up with these kind of friends. Yeah, call me naive for not having stepping out in the real world yet. If people keeps using you, would you want to call them friends still? "Can you come pick me up from work today? I don't know how to drive alone and he's rather busy at the moment." "Can you call him for me please? I'm out of credit." "Can you pay for my drink first? I'm kinda tight on cash." "I'm busy today. Can you accompany her out for me please?" "I'm bored today. Can you come and take me out shopping?" "He's here now. I think I'll follow him back. Thanks for hanging out with me. You can leave now." All the "pleases" and "thank yous" don't seem to have any effects anymore. Cause they no longer sound sincere. Even if they do, they were not really meant to be. Did you ever stop to think what your friend might feel before you ask for those favours? Maybe you didn't. Then maybe I should turn that question around, to something like this : What would feel if your friend did those very same things to you?

The word 'friends' today poses alot of meanings. They no longer take 'friends' as just friends like the way they used to. How would you define a 'friend' today? More importantly, how would you define a 'close friend' today? You won't be a friend if you are of no benefits. Nothing is that simple anymore.

And are you a 'friend with benefits'?

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Contradictions

Some poeple have either no idea what they are saying or no idea what they are thinking. Or maybe their brains some how or rather doesn't connect to their mouths in a proper manner. Cause what they think and what they say are absolutely two different things. And they give total confusions to those who tried to interpret them. In the end, I'd say, just give up la.

Some one has warned me, time after time, to not to reveal too much of my personal stuffs to other poeple. Personal stuffs as in personal feelings, personal opinions, personal informations etc. Secrets of your life la in short. For fear that they might be used against you in the near future. Or for fear that others might come up with something and talk bad about you behind your back. So, it would be better to keep everything to yourself. And to not leak a single thing out.

But it is also this same person that keeps telling me that I've been very secretive about my life. Not wanting to share my feelings and my life stories with them. Keeping everything to myself is not a good thing, they say. We should sometimes let out in order to absorb some advices and some directions from those who went through the same paths as we are going through now. Then only we'd see the 'light'. Opened up our minds. But most importantly, we have to spill. It's suffocating to keep everything all bundled up inside.

Ritez. So whom should I listen to? The you who gave me the advice a few months back OR the you who's giving me the advice now? Are you confused yourself and trying to confuse me? Or did I get your message wrong and confusing myself with it?

To end all the confusions, I think I would like to listen to myself. Listen to my heart. I shall let out when ever I wanted to and I shall keep things inside when ever I wanted to too. I need to find the right person to talk to also rite? And not everyone is a suitable candidate. I'm sure that's the way with you as well.

I'm a little rebellious, by the way. Live with it!

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"Look Out Point"

Just finished some reading and I suddenly thought about the place where I went with my colleagues a few days back. Can't resist the urge to blog about it.

It is some where in Ulu Langat. Can't really remember the way to get there as it was at night and while I was busy chatting in the car, I sort of lost track of the directions there. Maklumlah, I wasn't the one behind the wheels then. All I know is that it is up on a hill, some where near "Little Genting" and Saga Hill. Well, that's what they call it. Let's say around 15 minutes from my place? Gosh, I lost track of time then too. And that place is memang called Look Out Point. And it is a tourist destination.

There are 3 restaurants up there. One high class Italian type of thing. One that resembles "Kaki Corner", minus the live bands. If you've been to Kaki Corner, you'd know what I mean. And one which didn't open the night we went, so I didn't pay any attention to what kind of food they serve.

The best thing about this place is that it overlooks the whole of KL city. Yeah, something like "Little Genting". But the view from here is much more better. Clearer without any blockages from anything. It's very breezy with an awesome view of the KLCC, the KL Tower and any other high rise building which you would like to see. The place could be very romantic if it wasn't for the crowd of youngsters celebrating some birthdays up there. Cool, dim, quiet, soft music and magnificent night view. Totally melted my heart. You know I've always love night sceneries. Haha!

Unfortunately (again!), we didn't think about snapping some pictures then. So what's left of that night are only in my memories now. Unless, I get someone to either bring me there again or show me how to get there. It's worth a second trip up. It's free anyway. Other than petrol costs. I mean you don't have to pay to get in. They have this sight-seeing tower at the top of the hill for your use too. Not bad I would say. I didn't even know such place existed after living here for so many years. =P

Okay, I feel like getting back to my novel now.

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"Heated" up!

You know what? Some people are either being plain childish or they are just being plain dumbos which I no longer want to entertain. I can be a very friendly person to joke around and to follow with the flow with what ever decision that has been made. But if you take advantage of that and think that I'm easy to mess with, boy you can be so damn wrong.

I don't know what's with all the fuss about me getting a few days off from work. People all around are either just being jealous or being plain sarcastic or just being funny. Either way, fun no more. The matter has got me hot in flames and I guess I blew it up at a few of them. What's the big deal anyway? You guys have never seen people taking leaves before? Then what is the use of all the annual leaves then? They allocate them to you for the fun of it?

I can't help it if you are feeling bitter about someone getting days off. Either you are too afraid to ask for your own break or you don't have enough days for your own use. That's not my fault right? So quit whinning and quit throwing sarcastic compliments that you thought no one knew. You guys just ruined my supposedly relaxing holiday by getting me into a real bad mood. But you didn't succeed yet. I won't and never will feel guilty about it. So stop all those stupid acts.

Get a life of your own people and quit interfering with others' business. Don't you have better things to do?

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Jogoya

HK came up with this idea of going for Japanese food for his birthday. Or maybe it wasn't him. Forgotten who actually suggested it but I was kind of reluctant to go with the flow initially. Maklumlah, this Jogoya thing costs about 100 bucks per person and I got like a few birthdays to celebrate this month. Futhermore, did a few shopping sprees and some unexpected expenses came up..hah...financially tight la in short.

But after some persuasions from him and the rest, and some unavoidable temptations, I gave in. So there we were, all lined up in front of the all famous Jogoya even before it opened for business last Monday evening. And I thought we were early, mana tau, there was already a whole long line of other people waiting in queue. "That nice meh?" was the first thing that ran through my mind. And, yes, indeed it was.

Thanks to HK and his booking a couple of days earlier, we managed to get in with minimal disruptions and got a table some where in the middle. A table for 11. Cool decos. Dim lights. And so our madness begun. We tried almost every variety that was laid out that night. CK took oysters after oysters the whole night. WY was all about king crabs. She sapu-ed every single type they have there. Pa went for soft shell crabs. The whole night you'd only hear him asking, "Where's my soft shell crab? Still not here yet?" Dia, on the other hand, went for another type of sea living animal. Fishes. Cod fishes. Bawals. One after the other. SK grabbed a few "gui ling gous" during dessert session. And HK, wow! He took almost everything edible there. Even when the rest of us were stuffed till we can't breathe, he was still feasting on the dishes that the waiter kept bringing to the table. Geng! I take my hat off to you man.

All in all, I guess we spent around 3 hours there. And it was definitely worth it. Tasty till the end. Nothing like any other Japanese food that I've tried. I think if I was not that stuffed, I would have continued further. After all, we qualified for the VIP dishes. Boy, do I really feel like a VIP man! I guess words can't really describe the food and the ambience surrounding it. Pictures might not really get you to imagine it either. So, the best way is to try it out for yourself. And believe me, that 100 bucks is definitely worth spending. Give it a try! And make sure you make bookings in advance. You'd be amaze to see how many people lining up to get in.

Alright, no more buffet for me for the next few months. Damn bloated now.

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Friends

You'd be miserable with or without them.

Yeap. And they have a wierd way of messing up your life.

On the days when you needed them so much, when you were feeling lonely, when you needed someone to be there or someone just to listen, they were no where to be found. Calls get unanswered. Messages unreplied. And outings get rejected. You end up being more depressed than ever and wondered what good does it bring by having so many friends.

Then on the days when you needed time to be on your own, just to rest or to do some personal stuffs, your phone never stops ringing. From friends every where. Some party some where. Some catch up later. Some yamcha after that. Then movie the next morning. Or shopping the next afternoon. Then dinner again. Then another party comes by. All from different group of friends. And when you are too busy entertaining this group that you somehow or rather left out the other group, they'll start to call and ask why haven't you been calling lately? Why have you changed? Why don't you want to hang out with the group any more?

Do you get what I mean now? Life sure is isn't simple.

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Another total madness

Went for another trip down to Malacca today. Yes. Another time. Shocked the hell out of my parents and a few of my colleagues. "What? You are going there again? You memang chill la, friend"...Hah. This was not a sudden decision. The trip has been planned a month ago I guess. Someone got to know about some free tickets to Dusun Paradise - an orchard full of all kinds of fruits. And we get to eat them as much as we want for free. Thanks to the free tickets.

So we went there today. Only that there were not many fruits around to eat. It was just not the fruiting season la. We saw the fruit trees, we saw the descriptions explaining them but not the fruits. There were not really alot of varieties anyway. We saw chempedaks all the way. Manggoes all the way. Passion fruits all the way. Bananas all the way. Papayas all the way. Okay la. There were other fruit trees also. Cherries. Durians. Pineapples. Starfruits. Jambus. Guavas. Langsats. Etc etc.

The only thing that made the trip fun was the aboriginal show from Sabah and Sarawak. It would be rather bored if it weren't for the traditinal dance that we joined in for fun. On stage. In front of all the audiences. But we couldn't follow in their steps, so we made up our own. Boy, it was tiring. Hahaha!

So after making rounds around the orchard in buggy cars, snapping pictures here and there, playing with little animals and plucking fruits, we left at 2 pm. Came back for a late lunch and realised that it was rather stupid to go all the way there for nothing.

Youngsters. That's what we do. Doing stupid things for nothing. And enjoying every moment of it. Hah!

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Taiping/Penang trip - Part III - The stuffs we captured

Here's what we did on the trip. For those who couldn't imagine what I wrote previously, maybe the pictures might help.

Have fun!

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Taiping/Penang trip - Part II - The 'games' we play

Yups. That's what trips are for. To have tonnes of fun. And we certainly did. Although with little bumps along the way.

So, we went in 3 cars. All 10 of us. I guess the whole department would have already known. No matter how hard we tried to keep it hushed. Cause all of a sudden a whole bunch of people took leaves on weekdays. Prompted their curiosities la. So, we headed to Taiping on the first day and stayed for the night at Legend Inn. What's there to do in Taiping, you ask? Well, not much. But since one of us is from there, so we went for it la. But basically, we bonded with nature while we were staying there.

We were taken to Burmese Pool. It's a waterfall la. With rocks and streams and everything. We packed some goreng stuffs and picnic-ed by the rocks. There was a point where I slipped and fell into the water. And someone managed to record it. Ish! Since I was wet, I continue to lay on the flowing water. Cool and refreshing. Accompanied by little fishes as well. Ahhh!

The next morning,, we were still in Taiping. This time we were brought up to Maxwell Hill. Nah, no hiking up hill. City people like us would rather hire a jeep up. Around 30 minutes. Another refreshing and chilling moment. Early morning breeze. With a bird's eye view of Taiping town. We played swing there. Walked on a suspension bridge. Competed to run uphill. And definitely joked around. But the journey down was horrible. With everyone felling pening and a few vomitted. Real city kids la us.

Then, we continued our journey to Penang island. We booked this apartment at Sri Sayang Resort, Batu Ferringhi. The first day was spent hanging around Gurney Plaza and Gurney Drive. No nice view la this time. It was low tide and the breeze was not strong enough. Making our walk rather hot. We snapped pictures here and there. Got lost on the roads awhile. Quarreled abit about directions. And made it back to the apartment rather early. No night activities we planned for that night as we were all very tired.

The apartment was rather dodgy. With the flush not working, the air cond not strong enough and the shower abit cacat. Looked more like a run-downed place. No way I'm going back there again. 2 nights there was enough. So, the first night was spent by arranging rooms, taking turns to use the washrooms, watched horror movies and some even brought study materials to study for exams. Hah!

The whole of the next day was spent eating around Penang. The only place we hung out was yet another mall. Perangin Mall. Where we spent a total of 2 hours of window shopping. Then it's eat, eat and eat. And ya, I managed to try out their trishaw ride. Cheap. Only RM 2.50 for like 15 minutes around Penang. Syok! Then we went to the pasar malam at Batu Ferringhi to......buy DVDs! RM 4 per piece. Let it be CDs or DVDs. All kinds of musics. All kinds of movies. All kinds of series. If you can't find it in one stall., feel free to try your luck at the next stall. You will definitely get the one you want. Someone bought over 100 bucks worth of DVDs in just that one night. Take your own sweet time in finishing watching them man.

What's a trip without some booze? As expected. We finished the whole bottle this time. Unlike the Lumut trip. This time we played arm wrestlings instead of batmans and spidermans. Losers drink. Everyone turned red and dizzy by the end of it. And yet, we still had the strength to talk about love and relationships. Hah. Another heart-to-heart talk that night. Surprisingly, everyone was still sober enough to pour out their own opinions. Right on until 5 am where we really cannot tahan and crashed immediately. Leaving all the stuffs behind in the hall.

We slept till about noon before checking out and went for that must-have seafood at Bukit Tambun. Then it's goodbye and we went our separate ways home. Well, all is not over yet where we still had more stories to tell on the ride home. My car was filled with stories about various fishes and fishermans. From tengirris to dolphins to sharks to islands to sampans and cruises to different seas to baits and fish nets. Hahaha! Coded story. Shhhhh...

It was during this trip that all true colours emerged. Some of them can be really crappy. Some really can be naughty and play like no ones business. Some can be really serious. Some loses their patients very easily. Some egoistic people. Some really caring ones. People just aren't who they are at first sight la. But still, we call each other....friends.

We were still talking about the trip when we got back this week. Almost everyone was asking us about it. During lunch. During tea-breaks. In between work. And you can definitely see alot of Tambun biscuits on the tables. Each of us at least got 2 boxes back for our fellow bosses and team mates. Our car was really packed with nothing else but boxes after boxes of Tambun biscuits. But everything was gone within 2 days. Nice.

Unfortunately, pictures are not in yet. No time to upload them. Will post them up when they are all done.

One memorable trip. The first and the last one, perhaps?

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Taiping/Penang trip - Part I - Food

The trip worked out. Without much 'casualties'. And all participants showed up. 4 days 3 nights. 10 persons. 3 cars. It's too long to write in detail every single thing we did, so for the first part, I'll talk about the main purpose we went up north. FOOD of course. What else could Penang be famous for right?

So, here goes.

• Nam Heong coffee shop in Ipoh - I seriosuly have no idea what this place is famous for, but people from there says it's good. So, we went for it. And it is indeed good. Expecially the egg tarts and this chicken siew pao. Highly recommended. It's crunchy and it's fresh. A totally must go if you happen to be in Ipoh.
• Hokkien mee in Taiping - my friend lives there, so he knows where to bring us. There's no name for this place. Just a stall by the road side managed by an old couple. Another thumbs up. Taste nothing like any Hokkien mee in KL. We ordered plate after plate cause it tasted so damn good and there were 10 damn hungry kids to feed. And it was damn cheap. The aunty there sort of got confused with so many orders that she had to repeat them so many times.
• Duck rice, Taiping - This is one of the most expensive meal we had. Forgot which shop it is already. Basically it's by the main road. Ya. I know. Which main road rite? Sorry la, you know I'm bad at directions. I guess the expensive part is not the duck but the side orders we placed. The soups were suppose to be yummy so we ordered a few. We had 'tien kai', 'sang yu', 'chu tou' and some chicken essence one. And their orange juice is fabulous. Can't describe here la. You got to try them out yourself. Then, you'll know what I mean.
• Char kuey teow, Lorong Selamat, Penang - now this one has been on the papers. The aunty who made it famous is real snobbish and they have different pricing for locals and non-locals. Obviously people like us are considered non-locals and are therefore being charged at a higher price. It was nothing special anyway.
• Gurney Drive, Penang - locals don't find the food there nice. But there were plenty of varieties. That's their main attraction. So, lets see, we had : fried oysters, pasemburs, laksa, ikan bakar, fried chicken skin, otak-otak, fried tauhu etc. Yea. All unhealthy stuffs. But we loved it.
• Yam rice, Bukit Mertajam - another friend knew of this place. We went for it. It's situated in a corner coffee shop. Didn't get to know the name of the place. But it was something special. It's actually rice with yam on top plus meatballs and all kinds on pigs' intestines. We didn't have enough of it as well cause the portion of it is rather small. A few of them shouted hungry not long after that. No fret. There were other 'menus' planned out.
• Cendol, Jalan Penang, Penang - This is absolutely good. I had two bowls myself. People were actually queueing up for this. The cendol's sweet but not too sweet. Just right enough for our taste buds. Yumm.
• 'Pie-tee', Jalan Penang, Penang - Just situated at the cofee shop next to the cendol. Cute cup-cake sort of like delicacy filled with turnips and tomato sauce. One bite finishes it all. Just a small one la.
• New Lane, Penang - Something like Gurney. All kinds of stalls along this road. Mostly what you can see in Gurney is here la. But we tried stuffs other than those tried in Gurney. To name a few: porridge, satay, lobak, chee cheong fun, fried oysters (again), 'pat pou' drink etc
• Seafood, Bukit Tambun - This was our last place to eat. We went there for lunch on the last day. It's actually a fishing pond turned into a restaurant. So, we got this table by the pond with a nice view, with water under us and fishes swimming around and soft breezes blowing, as it was cloudy that day. All kinds of seafood were ordered and we took our own sweet time munching on soft shell crabs and just enjoying the moment and the company. For 8 dishes of seafood and 2 plates of soft shell crabs, we were charged for less than RM 200. Plus raw oysters as well. My friend ordered some kind of weird looking seafood which I forgot what it's called. Look yucky as well but tasted not bad. I will know how to tell you when I see one. All stomachs filled before the drive home.

Nah. No fancy restaurants on this trip. We got all our food in hawker stalls. By the road. By some tempat terpencil. All sweats and dirty but definitely worth all the long drives. At least, they were special stuffs that we don't get them often in KL. And they are really damn cheap man. We were laughing our heads off. Yummy and cheap. Hah! We had a few meals in one day. Real fulfilling.

I shall detail my activities there, other than food, in the next entry.

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Up high...

I'm currently on the highest level in my office building. In a huge meeting room with dim lights and nice couches. The blinds are all up and I get a clear night view of the Damansara residential area. The street lights of some highway far away. The lights from the huge houses below. The car lights passing by. Soft jazz music playing from my laptop. And I'm obvoiusly not working la. Waiting to go home and in the meantime enjoying my likings - night views and jazz musics. Wouldn't it be perfect if I had a glass of red wain in my hands?

Seniors have all left, leaving me and another colleague behind. No way I'm gonna be a lousy teammate right? So, we shall leave together. As I watched the cars pass by, the flickering of some street lights below, and listening to soft slow music, life can treat you well at times. Tonight is one of those times.

All right. Got to head home and pack for tomorrow.

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Trip blues

Never have I gone for a trip that's so confusing, so frustrating and so irritating as this one. And it's just the planning stage. We had more than 10 persons for the Malacca trip with my pals and there was no such trouble. Now this with less than 10 people and it's already getting on to the nerves of almost everyone.

First there's this uncertainty of attendance from a few of the participants. Guess what? The trip is tomorrow and up to this point, we can't confirm the number of people who's going to join us. Hence, the uncertainty in accommodation and transportation. Then, there were some misunderstandings among us and someone got real pissed that the person pulled out. But, that person is having second thoughts now and we are kinda waiting for that person's final decision. In the meantime, all planning has been put to a halt. Great. All these just because of one person.

Next, some alternative suggestions caused someone else to be mad. Saying why isn't that person informed about anything that deviates from the original plan. Come on, it's just a plan. One that is subjected to change. And I don't really understand why this trip have to be so formal. With plans here and there. Places to visit. Time allocated for each place. Amount per day for general fund collection. Amount of petrol to fill. Amount of Touch 'N Go to top up. Car allocations that cannot be changed. This whole thing sounded more like school kids going for vacation or something. And there's a schedule for everything. You should really see our itinerary man. Or that costing thing that one of the organizers did. A costing sheet for a trip. Can you possibly imagine that? I appreciate all the effort but you people are taking it way too seriously.

And now, a few people are fed-up with all the arguments. Some people need to be pujuk so that they won't continue to have hard feelings. And more arrangements have to be made. Just by planning this trip is already tiring. I don't know what might happen when we actually go for it tomorrow. I never had to experience this kind of 'hardship' for any trip that I went before. It's even more headache than working. A trip is for you people to chill man. That's the main point in going for a vacation.

Just got back from a pre-trip meeting. A last minute one that is. And yeah. Some conclusions have been made. Seems that everyone has got to agree on something to make this thing work out. And I seriously hope that this trip will be a successful one. No more 'hiccups' people.

I shall bring back more stories and pictures next week.

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Happy tang lung festival

Mid-autumn festival this year was really spent with family and friends. I had voluntarily agreed to offer my place for the celebration this year with my friends. Since all of them were restless and looking for plans for Saturday night. So Piggy came up with this idea that we should play 'tang lung' at MY house. And I said yes.

And it is with this 'yes' that I made ALL preparations by myself. Okay. With some help from mum. Went to buy fresh stuffs from the market. Came back and cleared the house. Got the food ready. Made some extra dishes and my very first red bean 'tong sui'. And my dear friends were an hour late for the 7pm dinner. As usual. Something would be terribly wrong if any of them was punctual. Hah.

Their arrival was sure a loud one. And the noise didn't stop until they left. They sapu-ed all the food that was laid out. Maklumlah, para MPSJ sekalian. Making loads of jokes and craps on the dining table. English lessons konon-nye. Thank God I don't take lessons from you all. You know fully well what I mean.

Then we rekindled our childhood activity of lighting tang lungs and candles out on the porch. But I guess when you are in your twenties, you'd get 'rather' aggressive. We burnt down a few lanterns. Singing and swaying to 'yue liang dai biao wo de xin'. Actually, the guys did that. Hah. I should have post the video up la. It sure was amusing. And not to mention, we had mooncakes. Yummmmm...

And so it ended. This year's mid-autumn fest. Entertaining. TIRING. No full moon. And I got both my friends and my family with me this year. There's nothing more I could ask for. Lolz.

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Quote

"Who doesn't long for someone to hold,
Someone who knows how to love you without being told,
Somebody please tell me why am I on my own,
If there's a soulmate for everyone...."


Nah. I didn't pen those. Got it of a friendster's comment. But it works for me.

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I'm beginning to find it interesting to work in office...

Alright. I'm back. Been busy with work the past weeks that I don't even have time for myself, let alone blog.

Life has been quite happening lately. I'm beginning to like working in office. Not that I'm workaholic, but rather I have friends around who work along with me. People of similar age, people who speaks the same kind of 'language'....people who clicks. Wanna know what we usually do?

I'll let you in on some:

1) If possible, sit near to each other for more convenient gossiping (about anything and everything)
2) Sought help from each other in times of trouble (either work related or private ones)
3) Disturb each other during slacking hours ( and I mean real disturbing )
4) Play online games together
5) Regulars for lunch, tea and DEFINITELY dinner on late nights
6) Pep talk once in awhile whenever anyone of us is feeling low
7) From colleagues turn friends where we hang out for movies, drinks, sports and some clubbing...and a upcoming trip
8) Keep each other company during times of need

I guess if you have been browsing through my friendster, you'll get the idea who are they. Yea. My current gang. Sort of known to be as a gang in the work place. Cause we hang out together too often.

I can be very eager to stay in office because of them. And I don't seem to dread working late too if they are aroud. Isn't it a miracle of what your friends can do to you? Working has been fun nowadays. I've always said, sometimes it's not so much about the work that you do, but rather it's about the people that you work with. That's what's important. Although we don't know each other for that very long, I mean, compared to my other friends, they can be considered new friends in my life, but I do see them the most these days. Every other day. Every other night too. They are an amusing bunch.

We work together. We play together. We eat together. We car-pool together. There are times where we can spend the whole day doing everything together. They can be pretty insane too at times. "Dangerous" people. Hah!

Time amazes me sometimes. On the way it moves. It leads you on and on. But never going back. Never bringing you back to amend the mistakes you made. Never bringng you back to re-live the days that you treasured so much. So, as the saying goes, "Make the most of every moment you have now, as you will never pass this way again"

I appreciate them. So I am just going to cherish every moment I have with them now. Cause you will never know where life will lead you in the future. Even if we do part, and I mean we WILL part someday, at least, we had fun before. I am going to have all the fun there is now.

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"Dream" came true...

Was out to the movies with my little bloop one evening. We were too bored and decided to just buy the tickets to the next available screening for that night. It turned to be a romantic movie. Yea, all right. It was Jay Chow's "Secret".

The cinema was empty when we walked in. Obviously la. Since it was weekday and the movie has been on screen for quite a while now. A few minutes later, a young couple walked in. And then, another couple walked in. Then another. And another. Very soon, almost all the front seats were taken by couples. I turned to my goldfish and joked, "Ahhh, how I wish a cute guy would be seating next to me. Why la am I seating next to you in a romantic movie?" She jokingly answered, "It's still early and you are already dreaming."

A few minutes passed, the movie have not started and the whole row where we were seated were still empty. I crapped with my sis and we giggled. Then, a couple of young guys plopped down next to bloop. I smiled at her. She whispered to me,"Jie, your dream came true." "They are not next to me. Those beside me are still empty. How about we switch places?"

And just after I finished my sentence, a group of guys came in and guess what...they took the seats right beside me! I turned to bloop and we both burst into laughters. "Wishes" do come true, huh? And nah, they were not cute la. Ahah!

P/S: The movie was okay la. Not really very romantic. Not touching enough. And Jay's acting wasn't what I expected it to be.

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All mixed-up

No idea what my mind wants me to do. No idea what my heart wants me to do. Been wondering what I really want to do. Or whether it's the right thing to do. Or whether I should do the things that I want to do. After finally getting a clear picture that I should do the things that I want to do, my actions don't quite coincide with my decisions. I end up doing things that I don't mean to do in the first place. Or I failed to put into actions the things that I thought of doing. At the end of the day, I wonder why I did or didn't do certain things. And I kick myself for not knowing what I wanted to do.

Confused la in short.

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Totally worn out

That would be me. After going through one crazy, mad and rush week. Stressed. Lack of sleep. And emotionally unstable.

Been leaving work around 12 to 1 am for every night the past week due to a rush job that I was involved in. Not only that, I have to be up around 6 everyday for training. That left me around 4 to 5 hours of sleep every night. It was a consolation that I had some of my gang around to keep me sane. Hah. But I was still stressed up.

Then I did a mad thing of going down to Malacca TWICE in 12 hours. On the eve of Merdeka. Once to accompany a colleague back for a sudden emergency and another time for a planned trip with my friends.So there goes. I celebrated Malaysia's 50th year of independence in Malacca with my colleagues. And then went to all the tourists attractions there again the next morning with my friends. Nice. That night which we stayed over there, I slept like a log. Dead tired. All I can think of is the bed. The bed. The bed. Nothing else.

So you can imagine how worned out I was this whole week. Physically and mentally. Each time of late nights brings emotinal distress to me. And then friends comes into the picture. When I realised that I couldn't find anyone to let it out, I get lagi distressed.

I 'predict' that the coming week is going to be something similar. Without the Malacca part. Hah.

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Fireworks

I ditched my team in office and went out to Putrajaya to catch the fireworks display while they were working their heads off to meet the deadline in the coming week. What a 'team player' I turned out to be. No doubt, had been feeling guilty about it but I definitely didn't regret doing so. Hah! Yea. I was glad I went.

The display was really breathtaking. With team Italy on the line last night. The convention centre was swarming with poeple. Of all ages. Of all races. My view was rather blocked by some big burly guys in the front. But I still managed to catch the full view through tip toeing and peeking through here and there.

It was a musical fireworks competition. And last night was a romantic one. You know. With sentimental Italian music playing while watching meteor like fireworks showering down on you. Not to mention they had this something like twinkling stars and love shaped ones. And full of vibrant colours. Awwww! How I wish someone would just propose to me at that very moment. Hehe. But it's hard to describe in words. You need to be there in person to feel it yourself. The feeling is just different.

And after that, someone felt like going on the ferris wheel. So, we walked all the way to the fun fair that they had there. Putrajaya is really damn huge. We walked like forever just to get to the fun fair. Not only that. We couldn't find the exact way in. So we went through the lalangs, crossed some muddy area and jumped over some longkang just to get there. How adventurous. Someone fell. Someone got soaked with water. And we laughed all the way.

Fun fair was rather boring. Usual rides. But way expensive. Just for the fun of it, we went for the bumper car ride. Very bumpy. Very aggressive. Hurt my knee in it. All ganas people. Sigh. Releasing stress I guess. Hah!

Then went for supper. Till like 3.30 in the morning. Surprisingly, my dad didn't rush me home. So I took the opportunity to stay longer. Notti me. It was definitely a worth going outing. The guilty part subsided when I got back from it. Fine. I shall work more in the coming week la then. Just to make up for the little guiltyness that remained.

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Feeling contented

Too many times that we look at things that we didn't own that we fail to see the things that we actually do.

I have been foolish. I have been looking at my misfortunes so much that I fail to realise the riches that I have. Until something snapped in me that I should feel contented. Indeed I should. When I compare myself to some others, yea, I definitely should feel contented. Well, I don't deny that twist and turns do come come up in life at some point in time. Situations that will make you wished that you were someone else. Someone better.

I have those days as well. You wouldn't want to know how bad it got. Till a point where you really felt that you've got no where to turn to. And that you are lost in a place that you don't really know where.

I guess those days are gone, for the mean time. A sudden realisation got me back on track. I do have some things that others don't. I don't mean to show off but I do feel proud. It make me...me. And I feel lucky to have them. Yea.

At least, that's what I'm feeling right now.

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Disappointments

When your hopes and expectations and desires are failed, that's the worst feeling that you could get. Especially when it comes from someone that mattered a lot. Some one close. It's bad enough to be disappointed, it'll be far worst if you're the one disappointing others. When some one puts faith and hope in you, the last thing you'd want to do is to crush them all. I guess you won't have the heart to even think about it.

Once bitten, twice shy. Never let history repeat itself. Especially if it was a rotten one. I've had my fair share. Sometimes without me realising it. Disappointment is sort of a horrible word. If you know what I mean. But it flashes around everyone's life at one point or the other. You can't escape from it. All you can do is maybe to minimise it's impact. To forgive and to forget. Or rather to give up.

I shall try not to be the cause of it. Who likes to be disappoinetd anyway?

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Rush job

Just look at the clock. Yeap. 3 am. On a Friday morning. Guess what? I am still in office. Lets just say that I am going to hit working 24 hours in a day. What am I still doing here? Well, rush job. Big boss wants to see the results when the sky brightens eventually. Surprisingly, I can still manage to work out my part well enough. Even though I'm practically stoned at the moment. Seeing stars already. I wonder how the hell am I going to get myself back home later. And how the hell more am I going to come back to work later during the day. Lets see if I can do magic tomorrow. I mean, later today.

It has been a tiring week as well. Been travelling to Banting continuosly for the past 4 days. To and fro every single day. And for those that do not know where Banting is, it's some where near Klang. Or rather, before you reach Klang. Around 80 km from home. Another 30 km from KLIA. I now am able to direct you on which ever route you would like to use to get there. Which is the nearest way. Which is the cheapest way. Which is the jam-free way. Done enough 'experiments' to last me an experience. Generally, there's nothing much you get to do there other than the frequent sights of air planes and acres and acres of palm oils. And tonnes of heavy lorries speeding in and out of the trunk roads. Yea, lama-kelamaan, you'll see me hitting 130 km/hr on a 90 km/hr zone.

I am seriously very tired. I might crash right through the next day. Why did I put so much effort in work hah?

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Nail biting (again!!!)

If you look at my nails, they are all gone again. Yea, I'm back to my nail bitting habit. I actually got out of it for quite some time now, but it came back when I have too much on my mind. Even the suggested solution of polishing them failed in its purpose to prevent me from doing so.

Work could be part of the reason. Too much responsibilities, too little time, too little knowledge, too much expectations. I don't work well under pressure. I won't be able to breathe and I can't think properly. But that's the only thing that my boss is 'bestowing' me now. I do try to meet those expectations. Didn't want to disappoint anybody. Guess I'm trying too hard that's its wearing me off.

Went to a friend's wedding this evening. A primary one that is. So, someone my age got married. Happy for her. And definitely happy to meet 'old' friends. But it was sort of wierd you know. As I looked at her on stage with her husband, I thought "Well, this is the person that I've known since I was 9 or 10 and here she is, in a wedding dress, smiling at the cameras and hanging on to her husband. Sooner or later I'll hear that she'll have kids and getting on with life. " I know I know. People grow up. They move on. I'll move on too. I just can't let go just yet. Part of me still want to go back to those days when we had so much fun together. I want to keep those days still.

Sort of just got back from clubbing also anyway. Took my maiden voyage down to Poppy. Just to let loose. But this time was no fun at all. Too many unsightly sights. Everyone was like hanging on to someone. Someone would be there for someone. I was the only odd one out. And it doesn't feel all right. What fun could you possibly have dancing and drinking alone? Speaking of which it doesn't help either. I'm still sober enough to come home and blog about the night. I was suppose to get drunk!

That's part of the reason for my uninvolvement in the Malacca trip as well. I actually do have the heart to go but I know that if I go, I'll end up feeling sorry for myself. There are too many couples around in the clique and it's sometimes hard for me to take it. This whole thing has been making me feeling unwanted and pushed away. I know at times that it was not meant to be but situations are as it is. Yea. I admit. The attentions were not on me. As they say, "I'm one person less and one person more, so what difference does it make?" Sorry for the bad mood thingy. Not bad mood actually. Just too much on my mind.

It was never my intention to be the vulnerable one. The decision came years ago when I fell and took quite some time to stand up again. This time I don't plan to fall again. I don't even know if it's for real. He 'comes' to me on and off. Maybe I was hanging out with him too often. And maybe it's just a casual fling. The only thing that I'm sure off is that I'm glad to see him around. And I'll be disappointed if I don't.

Then there are things with the family which I sort of neglect. Little things which I didn't take to heart. Now it's accummulated and 'thrown' to me all at once. Great. I've got no idea which to handle now first. Everything is coming in all directions. The more I sit and give some thought to them, the more I'm confused. Is this the stage in life where you are 'finding youself'? Like what the elders say?

Gosh. It's already 5 in the morning and my nails are getting shorter by the minute.

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The Pirates of Loo Moot

That's the theme of our group trip this year. Which was exactly 2 weeks ago. At the Swiss Garden Damai Laut Resort, Lumut. I've finally compiled all relevant pictures taken. Just for the record.

What was supposingly to be a relaxing vacation turned out to be a real exhausting one.I mean, this was suppose to be the time for us to take a break from work and just ease ourselves. But the organisers had to come up with some team building activities throughout the whole journey. We had to act as pirates, run up and down the streets to solve clues and look for the designated 'treasures'. We were all worn out and panting by the time we reached the resort on the first day there. Plans to sleep in the bus were ruined too as there were more games to play. Like Soduku. Hah.

Basically, we were playing all throughout the trip. Yea. That would be me and my gang. My colleagues turned friends. I guess you would know who are they by now. If you go through the album, you'll see the same faces. Haha. We went for island hopping. Banana boat riding. Burger boat riding. Canoe ing. Snorkeliing. Boozing. Pillow talking. Beach walking. 'Chor dai dee' ing. Bed breaking. And tonnes of crapping. As usual la.

And then there were more team building activities by the organisers. It was like team building all the way without much free and easy time for ourselves. This time we were made to run round the resort to the tennis court to fix some puzzle. Then head to the beach to play around with sea water. All in all, this whole trip was like running here and there in the hot sun. It's more tiring than work man!

Anyway,it was definitely a trip to remember. There were more heart to heart talks this round. So, the bond with my fellow gang members have definitely tightened. Sad to say that I still didn't get my chance to watch the sunrise and to stroll the beach at night. What a waste. Still, I didn't regret that I went for it. Lolz.

Another year has gone by. I have 2 group trips up my sleeves now. So much has changed since then.

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Dumb & dumberer

Dumb. Fool. Naive. Stupid. Dolt. What ever you wish to call it. It doesn't matter. It portrays the same meaning anyway. That would be me when I woke up 2 hours earlier.

Often people would comment on how lucky I am to have a large group of friends. Close friends that you'll feel comfortable doing all kinds of silly silly stuffs together. Hanging on the cell for 4 hours straight. Staying up all through the night. Going for trips in the wee hours of the morning. Draging you home after a night of clubbing. Yea. When the moment comes, I do actually feel lucky. It's a comfort to know that I could always fall back on some one when ever I needed to.

But there is a downside to it. When you know people for far too long, when you get more than close to them, when everything you do would be a norm, you'll start to build certain expectations.Which is actually a real dumb thing to do.You'll expect them to call. You'll expect them to count you in on outings. You'll expect them to update you on the on-goings in their life. When they don't, you'll start to wonder if you are part of the group.

Why do you miss them so much when they don't? Why do you want to hang out with them when they don't? Why do you leave some weekends for them when they don't even know? Why do you call them when they think that you are bothering them? Why do you still treat them just as nice when they treat you like crap? Why do you still act as if nothing has happened when you know for sure that you've been taken advantaged of? Why do you still want to believe them when you know words are going to be taken back after some time? Why do you live up to your promises when theirs are so rightfully broken? How can you still afford to smile when you desperately want to hug someone and let you heart out?

Yea. Me. Dumb. As always. Tolerating and giving in. Never making a stand. Not up to me to make any stands anyway. Give others pleasure. Giving me pain. Nah. Didn't blame anyone. Doesn't give me a right to. I was mad. I was disappointed. But it was all in me. Friends are friends. They will only be friends. Can't expect too much. Never expect too much.

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A nite of Dome...

Saturday night. Bored. Shouldn't be at home. Hehe. So I grabbed Mich and got her out. Went down to BB. Saje to enjoy the people and the lights. Decided on Dome and there were we. Fooled with the camera and came up with the following. Nah. No extreme shots. Too many guys around. Need to jaga image abit la. Haha! People were already looking anyway. Since we memang pun didn't take much photos together, I shall make it up with this. Girl, your artistic skills suck man. It's a waste for having to end the night real early. You la. Mafan betul.

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A stupid mistake

Not exactly a mistake actually. The title should read, "A stupid reckoning". Yea. As with my previous entry, I was taken too into my pride. Well, today, for once I thought, maybe I should let go a little and do some things that my heart tells me to.

And I went for it. With a little expectation, I was in high hopes. When it materialised, I was sort of glad. I was skipping with joy while trying to maintain my cool at the same time. To not to look too eager. But the truth is I enjoyed it.

But soon later, it all came crashing down. Dumb. I gave myself a false impression. I gave others a false impression. A whole lot of people. Great. What the hell was I thinking back then? And what in the world had I said?? Or rather, what in the world had I NOT said?? I feel like slapping myself hard in the face. I don't think I would like to face those people again. I'm going to crawl into some hole and stay there for the next few days. It's a good thing that I'm going for a break till next week. Ahh...save me a whole lot of explanations. And some whole lot of stares.

Crap. How la am I going to resolve this now?

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Pride?

Is that what is in me now? Pride? That something that's holding me back all this while?

There are some things that I would so like to do. There are some people that I would so like to see. There are some people that I would so like to call. There are some people that I would so like to disturb. To hang out. To have fun. To be in the company. But, pride. This whole big pride thing forcing me to think twice. Forcing me to hold back my words. Forcing me to hold back my actions. The more I think, the more I hesitate, the more I'm letting everything slip away, the more I'm going to kick myself.

I lay in bed every night thinking about the things that I didn't do. Thinking about the things I did. Thinking if I had done wrong. Would I be regretting something later on? Why in the world did I let pride get to me? Why did I shut everything out because of something foolish? I want myself back. I want my life back. I don't want to go through all these. And yet, I was the one that planted them there.

Karen, over lunch last Friday, you've made a point. And you sort of saw through me. It got me thinking for quite a while. I always say that long standing friends definitely know me more than I do. I usually unable to see myself very clearly. But you are going to leave again. I'm going to miss you.

People, please la don't come and go so often. Please don't turn up in my life suddenly and then say you need to leave for the better when I already could'nt let go of the reins. You got me embracing the joy of uniting and then you leave me in vain for watching you all leave. It's rather too much at times, you know?

I quote a friend from last night, "Find yourself when you are young. Do not be afraid to do what ever it is that you wish now as you will not have the chance to do them when age catches up. So go for it." Yea, I am in the midst of finding. Still searching. Courage is what all it takes.

I shall not want to 'see' what the next week holds for me. The more I anticipate, the more I'm going to fall. I shall just let everything be as it is.

(If you are lost with this entry, just be la. Don't spend too much time understanding what has been written....)

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