Still searching....

It has been good so far. I finally had the time to focus on other things than work. I no longer had to work on a spreadsheet till 2 am or on weekends. I no longer had to feel guilty going for a movie or a drink. I no longer dread heading to work or wishing that all my bosses would vaporise. Work, nowadays, stays within that official 8 hours. Anything beyond that, is allowed to be done the next day.

I am free to plan for movies. I am up for all the lastest screenings, until a point in time where I need to anticipate the next release. I had the time to attend fancy dinners. And not to mention heading to bars and clubs after that. I have changed my wardrobe. There are more fancy shoes and catchy outfits. I started to concentrate on my appearance. I've played with make ups and hair treatments. I've begun to take an interest in gardening as well. I can now do stuffs that I didn't have the time to do previously.

When I went back to my old place to meet up with my ex-colleagues, nothing has changed. It was the sense of familiarity that got me so attached to that place. The structure. The people. It feels just like home the moment I walked in. I was greeted with smiles. "Hey, come back laaa. We missed you." No doubt it was good to hear that, but I've not regretted leaving.

I know that place wasn't meant for me. So is this new one, regardless of how happy I am there. After 3 years of studies and 5 years of rewarding career, I have not gained that satisfaction that I thought I would achieve. No matter how many times I'd allowed myself the chance to try, I still do not see the point in what I'm doing. No purpose. No passion. I asked myself each day if this is really what I want. If this is really what I want to continue with for the rest of time.

The truth is, I have no absolute answer to that. I can't see what the future might hold for me. I do not know the best decision to be made. To be honest, I am still searching for vacancies. I believe that so long as I'm in this line, I will never find something that will truly satisfy me.Unless, of course, I have the guts to switch to another field. Which, most likely, be unlikely.

So all I can do at the moment is stay put and pray that miracle will happen one day.