Holding back

As I sat there in the dark, I was holding back. I have been holding back the sorrowness that's been lingering all throughout the day. I have been holding back the anger that was laid upon. I have been holding back the desire to apologise so deeply. I have been holding back the urge to say "thank you" a million times. I have been holding back the words that I've been so longing to utter. I have been holding back the thoughts that has been playing in my head. I have been holding back the screams that I had wanted to let out.

As I sat there in the dark, I didn't have the strength any longer to hold back the sobs that seep through.

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An early morning "dim sum"

It's been quite some time since I did something crazy. This person didn't fail to remind me that I am the entire time throughout it. It was not really that crazy all right? It was fun.

After a whole night out, I slept for 2 hours before waking someone else up at 6 am to have "dim sum" with me. I was hungry okay? And I know you're the one person who would agree to go with me. And you did. Even when I dragged you out of dreamland. May be you did it in a terpaksa manner. I wouldn't know if you were cursing before you got out of bed. Or may be you said yes just to entertain me a little bit. I wouldn't know.

But I did get my "dim sum" and the entire time, you kept looking at me, mumbling, "This is crazy. This is crazy. You are crazy. You are crazy." Yes. I am. And so are you. And so are the rest of the patrons. The place was actually packed with people at 6.30am! So we were not the only crazy ones.

Nevertheless, I was satisfied. My cravings were way satisfied....

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I got thinner...yet again

I think it's no longer the dress. Or the blouse. Or the pants. Cause that statement came from quite a number of people who bumped into me lately. "Oh my! You looked thinner." "I did?" And no. I was not flattered. Cause if this continues, I'm going to look like a bamboo. Or maybe a lidi. Why does everyone keep saying that I'm thinner? Did I really lost so much weight? Did I? Did I?

All right. Time to get back in shape. Time to put on more weight. Time to down all the chocs and the ice creams and the cakes and all the chips. How ironic. Alot of other people would kill for this statement. And yet I'm the one that's heading in the opposite direction. Very ironic. We are never satisfied with our bodies. Never.

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"Sir, you gostan first"

Apa benda itu gostan? It's not Malay. It's not Tamil. And it's definitely not English.

But we did fully understood the fella. We reversed our vehicle to allow the on coming one to move into the parking space. And then only we frowned and asked ourselves, "Gostan? Why not reverse? Or undur? Or simply pergi belakang?"

That's being Malaysian. We come out with weird languages and we still get what the other is trying to say.

*Thunbs up!*

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Starbucks delivery...just for me!

The other night, I was mad. Certain deliverables could not be submitted on time. I picked up the phone and spoke in kind of a harsh tone to the person on the other end, demanding an explaination. The other person was in a shock. Stressed up SIC unleashing it all out on me. I was not really at fault. There was nothing I could do to help it. I already did my part. I already did my very best to complete it.

Yes, I know it was no one's fault. It's just that when you are in a rush and things could not be done, you'd be very frustrated. Nevertheless, this person not only did not feel bad, this person did not blame me for it as well. And this person did a rather surprising thing which I have not expected.

This person showed up at my doorstep after work, with an ice-blended mocha on hand. "SIC, something to make you feel better..." I went like, "What?" "It's still cold. I came as fast as I could." The person actually went all the way to Mid Valley to get me a Starbucks. I'm not too sure why of all things, a Starbucks, but I appreciate the thought of it. It was sweet. And, no, I did not mean the ice-blended mocha.

A very good bribing technique. I can't scold you from now on huh? Then you'd stuffed me with another Starbucks....

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No good. No good.

Tired over work. Not been hanging out. Missing a few certain people. Going to lose a few certain people. No chats. Nobody to sayang. No time for my own.

Crap. This is so not good.

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"Back" to school

Wide projected screens. Wooden tables. Microphones. Loose hand-outs. Coloured pens. Doodles. Dozing offs. Whispers. Text-ings. Taking down notes. Passing around attendance lists. Q&A sessions. Sneaking out to the washroom. Empty corridors.

A 2-day training made me felt like I was back in the lecture hall. In the last row, head resting on one hand. The other hand twisting the pen. Looking out the window. Listening, or half listening to the speaker in front. You know what are the good things? No exams! No work! No stress! No need to fork out a single cent! I was asked to attend. So I got myself there, sat, listened and mingled.

Just another one of the privileges that comes with the job.

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Farewell Big D...

Hmmm, I think Big D would no longer be in KL at this hour. And one week later, he would no longer be in Malaysia. Yet another departure. To a land with more opportunities. Well, I do hope you find your opportunities there. Make sure you do.

So, sad to say, I will be missing Big D. I will miss all the free rides and the free Starbucks. Yes, of course the company as well. You have been great. Whenever any outing goes haywire, I will bring you up all right? "If only David was here..." Hah!

Take care! All the best! Keep in touch! And make sure you get to MSN there. =)

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Sun set

I had the most remarkable view of the sun setting yesterday evening. No. I don't have to hike up hill. Neither do I have to be at some beach to wait for it. All I need to do is stand by the window, and there, at eye level, I get to see the bright, round, orange sun disappeared slowly amongst the mountains.

And the sky. The sky was a perfect blend of pink, orange and yellow colours. Surrounded by dark blue and grey. For that whole 5 minutes, as the sun sets, the view was totally breathtaking. You'd see the sky changes colours without the light of the sun and then gradually, it became pitch black. And from far below, the lights of buildings and streets and cars made the view so much more memorable. The land below stretches for as far as your eyes takes you. As you wander into nothing-ness, you get the company of small flickering lights in between. You'd feel calm. You'd feel at peace. You'd feel like spreading your wings and fly.

Okay. Okay. I know it's not good enough to allow your imagination to run. Never mind. What I saw yesterday was indescribable. And I saw sun set at eye level! Eye level man! It was enough to make my day.

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