Of being solitary

I hate being alone. I cannot stand the feeling of being invisible. That no one knows who you are or what you're doing or where your're at. I cannot go about my day without a companion by my side. There are certain people I need to see or hear each day in order for me to get going. I'll go nuts if I don't. But even to find that ONE person can be so hard. Not everyone can always be there for you. Not everyone must be there for you.

You know what hurts the most? That is people know that you are there. But they don't 'see' you. They look right past you. You'd feel like nothing. You'd feel like disappearing. What does it matter anymore with or without companions? Does it really make a difference in this case? I feel empty as ever. It kills. Gradually.

I'm no tough girl. Even if that's what I tried to be. I'm tired. I can't make it on my own. There are times of fear. There are times of vulnerability. There are times of need. Some things were unspoken. But that doesn't mean that they are not there.


(The voices of concerns. The shoulders to lean on. The arms to hang on. The gentle touches. The soft gazes. The friendly calls. The assuring hugs...They refuse to show themselves.)