Sunday, January 13, 2008

Farewell Pinkie

"Hi, are you Fui? I'm Sharon. The seniors are looking for you."

Those were the first words she said to me. I could still remember. I was in the library. She was a newly joined staff as well. Since both of us were new and knew practically no one in a new environment, we clicked and hit it off right away. We became real close as colleagues. She's a chatterbox. She talks a real lot. So, I had to talk along with her. In the end, we knew alot about each other. We became more than colleagues. She's my best friend at work. We go every where and do everything together. We were known as the "twins".

We stayed rather near to each other, hence, during the first few months of work, we would car pool quite often. Once we were both posted to a Banting job and we tried out every route possible to get there fast and cheap. That's how we got lost on the Kajang Silk highway. We still car pool now, but not for work, for outings with friends. And during those days that we were actually in office, we would book a place for each other. So that we could sit near and talk. Working with her has never been dull cause she would always come up with something to make things lively. Our lunches together have never been short. And I remembered one incident where we talked too long that it got raining, we couldn't get back to office so we chatted some more. In the end, we were late 2 hours.

Then there were all the trips we had together. She was always my room mate. "Who are you room-ing with?", someone asked. "Aiya, no need to ask la. Sure with Sharon.", someone else answered. The Bangkok trip, the Lumut trip, the Penang trip. And she would always be the one to wake me up and get things ready. She's a more organised kind of person la. So she usually gets things done and worked out everything clearly. I don't have to worry about anything with her. Don't have to worry about losing track of time. Don't have to worry about getting lost. Nothing.

They don't call us "twins" for nothing. We were always together. Even for outings : from dinners to rides to watching fireworks to shopping to movies to annual dinners to everything. If both of us attended, then we will definitely be together. We arrive together. We sit together. We walk together. We leave together. We get each other's opinions. People use to say, "Where ever you see Fui, you'll see Sharon." Or when people see me without her, they'll ask, "Where's your other half?"

It's been a year and a half. And next week, she would be leaving the firm for another job that suits her more. No doubt, I will definitely miss her. It's natural to feel sad when your best friends leaves you know. After all, she's been in my life for some time. I'm too used to having her around. She will no longer be there in office to greet when ever I get back. Neither will I bump into her again at the car park every morning. Nor can I slack with her during office hours to gossip. It's like losing a part of your life. Losing something that you owned all these while. And for the time being, it could be pretty hard to bear.

Things get worst when people ask, "Hey, your best friend is leaving wor. When's your turn?" Or "Hey, I heard Sharon's leaving. How are you holding up?" Drill down my motivation man. I'd lost all mood to work on the day she told me she tendered. Well, people come people go right? Someone told me to learn to let go and get over it.

If the friendship is a deep one, how does one let go? There are too many memories with her to keep. All of them happy ones. We'd been to so many places. Did so many things. Too many to describe it all here. All that I would cherish. I am glad to have known her. She has brought some differences. She brought me new friends. She brought me to a different perspective of life. You never knew you were that important huh?

Well, Pinkie, farewell. All the best in your future endeavours. You've been a real great friend. Thanks for coming into my life. Miss you.


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Monday, January 7, 2008

Paintball

Went for my first ever paintball game yesterday. With a bunch of people that I've never met. Well, what ever. I'm more into the game anyway.

We went to the one in Subang Jaya, namely TT Sports Park. It was in the Malaysia Book of Records for the largest paintball arena. Honestly, to me, it wasn't really that large. Yea. True they have a few "battlegrounds", but they are all of average sizes. Probably fit 20 to 30 people.

So, we went in. Right after a heavy downpour where it got all muddy and slippery. Got ourselves dressed in jumpsuits, vests and head masks. Listened to a short briefing about rules and safety measures, loaded our guns with balls, split into teams and started shooting! Since it was the first time for all of us, things got kinda confusing. We had no idea who we were shooting at. Cause everyone looked the same in the same jumpsuit. We don't know if we were shot. We had lousy team strategies as to where to hide ourselves. We don't know how to cover up for team mates who were cornered by the "enemy". We just main shoot saje. See anyone and anything...just shoot!

There were lots of shouting. All for the wrong reasons. We had no idea who was shouting at whom. We can't make out if our team mates were warning us or giving us directions. All you can hear is "WHAT?" "HUH?" "WHERE?" And the marshal keep shouting, "LARI! LARI!" " PERGI DEPAN! PERGI DEPAN!" "KAT TEPI! KAT TEPI!" And then...BANG! BANG! BANG! And your dead. Means your out. That's about it. We had a mask on la. So it was kinda hard to hear and see in it. If it was a real battle, we would be dead already due to faulty safety equipments.

A few of us got hurt. That's why I say it's a rather dangerous sport. Most of the guys la. Just because it gave them the feel of being in a battle, they charged at every opportunity. Ran right up to the front and fired at what ever. In the end, they got hit all over. Arms, legs, chests, neck, finger etc etc. Luckily no one was hit in the head. I sustained bruises too. Kena hit next to the knee. Turned red and black. Made my mum worried sick.

We were dead exhausted after the game. Sweating, panting and dirty. And it was only for an hour and a half. We were trembling so hard that we couldn't hold chopsticks properly and had trouble using them during dinner. Maklumlah, the gun was not really very light and we were running up and down with it. I had a real good night's sleep that night.

I intend to go for another round. Heard from around that there are better ones in Bukit Tinggi and Gombak. It was definitely fun. Worth the pain. Some experience.
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Saturday, January 5, 2008

Does everything lasts?

Just how long does everything lasts?

I was caught in a jam one morning and it dawned upon me that the answer is NOTHING! Ain't that the fact? Things you possessed currently might no longer be yours in time to come. This includes your family, your friends, your career, your health, your wealth, your beauty, etc etc.

Nothing is forever. They might lasts for a substantial period of your life but they certainly will not be with you until the day you die. That is my definition of forever.


You were born into this world alone. Without anyone by your side. You came to know your parents and then your siblings and then, other members of the family. As you grow up, you meet new people, you got friends. By the time you graduate, you earned a degree and then you got yourself a job. As a young adult, you possessed vibrant health and youth to allow you to go places and do all kinds of stuffs that you wanted to do. When your time comes, you end it alone. You can't bring anything along with you. Basically, what ever yo u do in this life, you do it alone. Think about it.

People leave. That's one thing for sure. By the time you hit mid-life, your friends drifted. Your parents and relatives left. You've changed numerous jobs. Your health takes a toll on you and you no longer be able to lead the life you used to. Yes. You would be married. With children and maybe grandchildren. But as said, people do leave. Where does that leave you in the end?

So, tell me now what is forever? It is the fact of life. Now you see it, now you don't. Or rather, now you have it, now you don't. But I am not too worry about it. The one thing that I've learnt lately, it's about this. To let go. In doing so, I won't be too hard on myself. It is unhealthy to always live in the past. So I've been told. In doing so, you'll miss the present and maybe ruin the future. A little flashback is good enough to improve the present. That's all it takes to get life going.

I am enjoying life at the moment. Allowing it to bring me to where ever it desires. Maybe it's a form of ignorance. But isn't ignorance bliss?

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Tuesday, January 1, 2008

2008

Nothing grand. No mood to usher the new year. No fancy count downs. No special arrangements. Was suppose to have one, I think. No idea what happened to it in the end. Didn't bother to know. So, my eve was spent with a close friend down at a nearby cafe for a drink and some talk. That's it. 2007 has gone. As with all other people, the past year has its ups and downs. More ups than downs la. At least, I would like to keep the sweet memories rather than dwelling on the sour ones.

I wouldn't know what 2008 has in store for me. But already the start has been a gloomy one. Pinkie has tendered her resignation. I don't think I can get over how much I'd be missing her then. I'll post up an entry about it soon. You know me la. I'm the kind that's very into friendship.

Nevertheless, we had a dinner just now. Beginning to be more like a tradition already. Cause we had one last year as well. On the very same day. But there were 3 celebrations this year. To celebrate a birthday. To celebrate the new year. And to celebrate our bonus pay-out. Haha. So, we hung out for quite long at Tony Roma's talking about everything and anything. And as usual, snapping pictures. I can't help feeling that something has changed. Certain people has changed. Yea. I am sad about it. Oh well, what could I possibly do right?

No new year's resolutions this year. Every year also tak de wan la. Just letting things be. I believe in fate lately. If things are meant to be. Then it is meant to be.

Happy 2008! But I don't seem to sound happy huh? Lolz.
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Monday, December 31, 2007

I'm being misunderstood!

Heard something shocking today. Actually, I've been asked something shocking. Seems like rumours have been going around. In office! My manager and my seniors had to come up to my face for clarifications. I was like "What the hell?" "How come you people are telling me things about myself that even I have no idea about?" They were all over me with, "Is it true that....?" "I heard from this particular person that you....." "People have been talking....."

Gosh, I didn't even do anything! People and their wild imaginations. They can literally come up with anything. I didn't think that the way I am has brought up so many curiosities at work. Well, people don't usually work in ofiice. They do lots of other things. Like gossiping. And eavesdropping? And then everything goes back to my seniors and manager. Nice!

I didn't think that people have different perceptions of me from the way I live my life. Maybe I was portraying the wrong side of me. Or maybe I was hiding the real side of me. All I know is that they got me all wrong. "We know you are....." "Don't lie la. We know what you did last weekend...." They got the facts partly and guessed the other half of it. And out came a new version of me. Yay! And then came all the ridiculous perceptions.

I don't intend to clarify. It's hard to change the way people think. Prove is all it takes.
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Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Christmas 2007

It was a real cold Christmas this year. First it was raining, and it had to rain on the eve where we planned to celebrate it in Genting Highlands. You guys got what you wanted. My peps have been talking about going to Genting for as long as I can remember. Even though we've been there for like a zillion times already.

So, with colourful lights, eye-catching decos, hundreds of people, freezingly cold wind and in the company of close friends, we counted down to Christmas 2007 at the open carpark in front of the Highlands hotel. Not really a count down actually. Cause a lot of people were counting down and we got rather confused as to which was the actual time. So, we just stood watch. Yea. Just watched. Another Christmas with my close friends. Damn. Even then, something was seriously missing. The feel is there. The time is perfect. The atmostphere was something to remember. There's simply no right person around to complete my Christmas eve. Damn.

We were lucky enough to get last minute rooms at the First World Hotel. After all these years, things within the group has definitely changed. Well, at least in room plannings. During our first few outings (years ago), we were 'shy'. Girls and guys would sleep in separate rooms. Recently, we don't seem to care that much. It's couples one room. Non-couples one room. A mix of everyone in a room.

Well, this year's Christmas was so-so only la. I mean, how much fun could you possibly have in Genting. I'm no longer 10 years old. It's just the company that I'm into. Yea. And I enjoyed the company of you people.

By the way. it's either I don't get it or you people don't get it. When FRIENDS get together, it's called a GROUP OUTING! Decipher the meaning yourself.

So, Merry Belated Christmas. It was definitely a very cold one this year.

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Sunday, December 23, 2007

My Only Wish This Year




One catchy song. One that I've been playing all the time. Well, it is the only Christmas song that matches me all these years. And my wish never did came true. Listen to it and you'll know. Enjoy the song!

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Loner

I try not to think of myself as one. But sometimes, it's very hard not too when you don't have someone to call your own. People around have been telling me, " Aiseh, you don't need one now. You're still young. Opportunities will come your way. After all, you have friends around you. They can fill your time. You should be contented."

Yea. There are friends around. Some might think that I have a lot to choose from. My weekends would most probably be filled with events that I could not resist. Parties. Movies. Shoppings. Dinners. Hangouts. Is that the type of impression I give people about myself? Well, I can tell you one thing that holds so true after all has happened lately. Nothing is forever. Nothing stays with you.

So what if I have tonnes of friends whom I can call whenever I want? Friends are just friends. They are not obligated to keep you company. You will never know what does it feels like to not able to find a single person to accompany you when you wanted someone to. People come. People go.

I know I've shown pictures of me and my close friends or "gangs" on friendster and facebook. People that are really close and I enjoyed my time with them. But as I said, nothing is forever. I was having a drink with a gang of them just moments ago and I could forsee that we will definitely split up. We will not be as close to each other as we had before. Things just happen you know. People do change. Situations change. And what can you do to make them remain the same as before? That's the unpredictability in life.

The sting of loneliness gets more deadly when I see couples in love together. Especially so when they are within the group. Not to say that it's a bad thing. I do understand the affections. But sometimes it just reminded me of how pathetic I am. How where I don't have anyone to care about or anyone to be concerned of. I am sincerely happy for friends who gets into relationships. But it's also the point where I realise that I would be going to loose them. They defintiely won't have time for me anymore. The statement holds true for every friend of mine that has gotten into any relationship. That is why I'm sometimes kinda afraid to hear the news. I would rather not know.

It is getting more intensed lately. When I thought that I had found people who would really hang out with me, people who are in the same situation, it suddenly came crashing down that all my thoughts are never meant to be true. And I was thrown back to my original state when my friends left for their other halfs. I am left hanging in alone again. As it has always been.

I have no intention of sounding desperate. I know I won't be able to find someone in life. That's just my luck you know. I do suck at relationships. I was planning to live life as it is and enjoy every moment of me being a person. I was thinking that if maybe I have my friends around and that I'm doing what I like to do, I can kill my loneliness gradually. But my friends are no longer around. And I don't have a purpose in what I'm doing. I'm just like floating on to no where seeking for directions or some light that could lead me out of this misery.

Happiness doesn't stay long too. Like what I told this friend of mine. There would always be an end to the happiness experienced. And at every end, there would be a beginning. A beginning. An end. A beginning. An end. Just how many times can you find ways to overcome the ending and to start anew? And just how many times can you bear the pain of the ending? I'm getting tired. I no longer know what to do.

After this entry, I would think that I'm a loner. Yes, I am one. A loner.
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Saturday, December 22, 2007

REC Industrial Update

It was actually a training la. Only the name sounds abit canggih. Industry update. It is an annual thing done by the managers in my department to update us on the recent chnages in FRSs and some other things that we should know for the upcoming peak for audit firms.

This year's industry update was held at the KGPA. To be honest, training was only done for the first half of the day. It was so brief that I didn't really quite understood what was it all about. And after some time, we were simply not listening anymore. I meant, me and my gang. We were seated right up at the front, chatting and exchanging pictures. C'mon. We were bored. Yea, yea, yea. I know it was rude.

And then, for the second half of the day, we had team building exercises. I don't know about it, but that's quite a regular thing in my department as well. Suka-suka, team building. Suka-suka play team games. So what did we do? First, there's this human bingo. Then, the human spider, where they tied our hands to one end of a string and we had to entangle ourselves from it. Then we had to build a bridge out of newspapers that could hold a full 1.5 litre mineral bottle. Tough huh? But my team managed to do it. Yay!

After the games, we hung out at my colleague's place to freshen up before heading to Tropicana Golf and Country Club for a dinner. It's part of the training as well. There's a dress code this year. We can only go in 3 colours. And each colour signifies your love status. Red for the married and unattached. Orange for those who has complicated relationships and green for singles and availables. If you don't dress to the code, you'll get punished. The organizing committee was forcing us to make our stand. Haha. No need to guess, I went in green. Obviously. But, the room was mostly in red and green. Some don't really dress to their status anyway. It was all just for fun.

The juniors and newcomers got orientated that night. So we sat back, feasted and enjoyed the show. Their orientation performance was all about TV series : CSI, American Idol, America's Next Top Model, Heroes, Desperate Housewives. Then we had some lucky draws. Orientated the newly promoted managers with some real embarrasing catwalks. Crowning of our very own Mr and Ms REC. Which went to the managers la by the way. Played some more games. More cheerings and clappings And not to forget, photo snappings.

The night ended rather late with a gift exchange event. Since Christmas is coming rite? I got a small musical Xmas tree. In white and pink. Lovely. It's sitting on my shelf now. It was another wonderdul night. I had fun.
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Sunday, December 16, 2007

Annual Dinner and Dance 2007

There was no rush this year. No rain. Everything was well planned from the start right till the end. From attire, to make up, to transportation to post ADD events.

Held at the Shangri-La Hotel again, this year was my second participation. And it sure was better than last year. The theme set was "Colours of Malaysia : Celebrating 50 years of Independence". As usual, we didn't dressed to the theme. My attire was acquired at some boutique at Sunway Pyramid. A dark turquoise halter neck, knee length dress with some glittery beads at the front. To my liking and affordable, so I went for it.

We arrived on time for the dinner. A table has already been reserved for the "gang". A whole 10 of us. No more. No less. And it was absolutely fun. To be surrounded with familiar people and those whom you clicked with. The night went along with tonnes of picture takings, beer drinkings, flirtings, and joke crackings.

There were not much activities being laid out for the night. A few songs were belted out by some local jazz band. A few lucky draws which I tak kena. Crowning of the best dressed male and female of the night. The only performance worth remembering for the night was an appearance by Harith Iskandar. Our local king of comedy. Well, maybe not the king but he was damn good. Good at words. Good at acting. Good at keeping his audiences at the edge of their seats. The whole ballroom was full of laughter from the moment he walked on stage to the end of his show some 40 minutes later. * Thumbs up*

As a bunch of young adults, no way we were going to head home after the dinner rite? Since this would be the last ADD that we would be together. So the few of us headed down to Poppy for a second round of dancing and boozing. Actually, we ended up at Passion Bar. Got ourselves a little drunk over a bottle of Barcadi Lemon, went wild dancing on the dance floors, snapping more pictures, had some more in depth heart-to-heart talk, drank some more and continued dancing. Yeah man. A real eye-opener. I never knew my fellow colleagues could be that wild. It was definitely fun. Much more fun. I'll never forget that night.

We had a third round of drinking after the club closed at 3 am. We went to a nearby mamak for a teh tarik session. Imagine mamak ambience with dresses and shirts. So damn cacat. But we needed to cool down to avoid getting blocked by the police. And to fill our growling tummies after using up all energies on the dance floor. But we didn't managed to stay long there as all of us were already dead tired. Make ups were melting. Feet were wobbly. Heads were spinning. And some one was throwing up on the streets. Aiseh, time to balik rumah. And so we did. Reached home at 5 in the morning.

Took a fast shower and immediately crashed on the bed when the cock started to crow. Woke up some 9 hours later with the previous night's events still clear in my head. It was a night to last a lifetime.
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Sunday, December 2, 2007

So, I'll see you around...

I took my car to the car wash earlier and while I was waiting for my 'baby' to be done, I got engaged in a conversation with this fella there. He was driving a Myvi as well, so we came to talk about Myvi cars. Heck! What do I know about cars right? I am not interested in how they work. So long as they are able to get me to where I wanted to go in one piece, I'm fine with it. Yea, you could say that I'm one typical girl. Anyway, I just blurted out what ever knowledge I had about cars just so to get the conversation going.

He came before me and they finished off his car first. As he turned to leave, he said, "So, I'm making a move first. See you around." I merely smiled and nodded back. Then it got me thinking. This is one fella that I've never met and I probably would never meet again. It got me puzzled as to how is he going to "see me around". He didn't know where I lived and I didn't know his place of residence either. Both of us being at the same car wash, at the same time, was just a mere coincidence. I don't think I would want to see him again anyway.

Wonder if people atually do get the meaning of that phrase. Cause from my perspective, it would mean that you are about to take off and there's a very high possibility that you would meet that someone again. Maybe you work in the same place or maybe you frequent the same cafe or something. You might not meet everyday. But there's a possibility that you might bump into each other.

Definitely not in situations where you know 100% that you won't be meeting the person again. It just sends the wrong message out man. But I guess, it would be the appropriate thing to say in this urban culture of ours. A form of courtesy. Whether you know a particular person or not. It does sounds nice and proper. Even though the meaning is misleaded.
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Friday, November 30, 2007

Thank God I found "you"

Hah! Remember these? Shots from where we first met to some of the high points of our friendship? This video was a courtesy of Pa, which I found hidden beneath all my files and folders of my previous computer. Still intact though.

It was not that long ago when Pa said this, "When you look back at this video 10 years down the road, you will definitely miss all those times we had together. And there won't be a single dry eye in the house then." Well, Pa, I would like to say that, "I don't think I would be crying then, I would be smiling. As I am now. "

Man, do I miss those days. And it was only 1 or 2 years back. Seems like forever huh? Look how young we were then....hahaha!

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Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Mood revived

Something good happened today. Something that brought my mood back to its usual state. A friend had called for a casual chat. Another friend made plans for a coming outing. Cracked some real stupid jokes with my colleagues. Gossipped with another one of them. Laughter is the best medicine.

I'm not really very hard to satisfy, am I? Little day-to-day happenings can sometimes brightened up my life. I let go off yesterday's dark skies to a shinier one today. I just woke up feeling very much better. Got up early. When to work early. And was more productive and efficient in what ever it is I did.

I guess when you are feeling confident, everything else would be in place. People seem to treat you better. Work seems to be going on more smoothly. And you would smile to every obstacle that comes your way. You tend to be more forgiving too.

People around me does make alot of difference. Familiarity is a very big issue to me. If you know what I mean.

The magic of life. Salute.
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Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Gloomy

The weather has been gloomy this morning. I woke up to a dark sky. The same goes for my mood.

Yea. Something has been bothering me. Or should I say "alot of things". And if you asked me specifically what, I can't answer you. What had triggered it?, someone close asked. I honestly can't tell you either. A little bit of this. A little bit of that. They get all mixed up inside me, transformed into this huge 'virus' and attacked my mind all at once.

Now I'm afraid. Afraid to be me. Afraid to continue this.

It's difficult to explain. I only know at this very moment, I feel like holding someone tight and let it all out.


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Tuesday, November 13, 2007

Now you have it, now you don't

People contradict themselves at times. It happens to everyone at some point in time or the other.

Life can be very routine. You do the same type of work. You meet with the same colleagues. You hang out with the same friends. You buy the same groceries. You attend the same functions. You drive through the same route. You eat the same meals. Day in, day out. And after a while, you'd dread the things that you do everyday. You'd get fed-up. You'd get frustrated. You'd get irritated. You'd start to long for a change. Oh, how nice would it be if you could do other things instead? Your mind plays with all other types of possibililties. And when you can't hold on to it any longer, when you can no longer contain your longing, you'd resort to the change you desired.

You switch jobs. You meet new colleagues. They introduced you to new friends. When your lifestyle changes, so does almost every other thing. You start to buy different groceries. You attend different functions. You drive through a whole different route all together. You tend to try out new dishes. And you are happy with it. There's absolutely nothing wrong. As a young adult, you have no problems in adapting to change. That's what we do anyway. Young people are adventurous. We can't be just sticking to one "life" all the time.

But along the way, as you are enjoying a new you, you suddenly come across your "old" lifestyle out of the blue. A call from a previous colleague. A gathering from an "old" friend. A stop by this cafe that you frequented everyday a few months ago. A diversion back to the route you once used and familiar buildings came into view. You experience a sudden pang of nostalgia and you kinda miss your "old" life once a upon a time ago. Never mind the sour parts, at least the sweet ones did not fail to put a smile onto your face. Some where deep inside your head, you would like to re-live the life you had. The one that you were so comfortable with. The one that kept you safe.

Maybe you can say that life has way of messing up with you. You neglect the things that you are blessed with. And when you lose it, whether by choice or not, you would be dying to get it back. Only that things will never be the same again. Might not hold true for certain people. But I reckon surely everyone feels that way. Cause we share this one thing in common. We are all humans.
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Pampered. Rebellious. Princess.

When words get unspoken...

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