Interviews

This time, I'm not the one getting jittery and worried about what might be asked. This time, I'm the one having fun thrashing out tough questions to MY candidates. Yes, you've heard me right. I am hiring. Boy, does it sound good to be introduced as the "hiring manager".

If you think you've seen all kinds of interviewer throughout your job hunting days, wait till you meet the all kinds of candidates.

Me : What are your career expectations in this organization?
Candidate : Erm....just....erm.....good pay....

Me : You were late for the interview session. What is your reason for that?
Candidate : I went to the market.

Me : How do you  handle pressure?
Candidate : By listening to music.
Me : How does listening to music help in work pressures?
Candidate : ...........(smiles).................

Me : Please tell me what do you know about our organization.
Candidate : I think it's something got to do with.............
Me : So, you came without knowing what you'll be getting yourself into?
Candidate : (shrugs) I just clicked on the ad....

Me : Briefly explain one of your weaknesses.
Candidate : I'm not good at listening to people.
Me : So, you mean, if I ask you to complete a certain task, you won't listen to me?
Candidate : Oh...no no no!

And the killer one....

Me : Why do you want to work here?
Candidate : Cause I like the 'House'.
Me : I beg your pardon?
Candidate : You know...the 'House' drama series? I love to watch that.
Me : (total speechless)

Now I know how frustrating you can get interviewing people. Macam-macam ada. I don't mean to be mean. Just that you get curious sometimes. And some people answer you in the most amusing way. You just can't help it.

Ohh...and I've found someone who fits the job. You're hired!

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10 reasons why men suck

Information was gathered through observations and interactions with my male counterparts. Although not all men behave the same way, but they are guilty of at least one of the reasons listed.

In no particular order:

1) Immature 
    They still spend a whole lot of time on computer games and animes. Someone ought to tell them that those
     aren't real and it's time for them to check back into reality. Or they could make better use of their spare
     time.

2) Losers
    Without their girlfriends around, they flirt, put an arm around your shoulder and offer to carry those stacks
     of files for you. In the presence of their girlfriends, all they do is say hi and don't even hold the door for
     you seeing that your arms are occupied.

3) Inconsiderate
    It never crossed their mind to escort their female friends to the car park during the late hours. Either they
    are oblivious to the dangers of society these days or they just couldn't be bothered.

4) Un-gentleman-ness
    They ring a lady up for a drink and expect her to pick him up. Or they expect her to get herself there. If
    she doesn't show up, she's deemed as not outgoing enough.

5) "Blind"
      Unless you look like Paris Hilton or Megan Fox, they somehow or rather look past you. No matter how
      witty you are.

6) Shallow
    It's pretty easy to get them to notice you even if you don't look like Paris Hilton. Show off some thigh and
    cleavage and there you go. You'll garnier their full attention.

7) Egoistic
    It's all about pride. No point in arguing with them. Cause even though they know they are in the wrong,
    they just won't admit it.

8) All talk and no action
    They are very good at boasting. "I am capable of this this this..." "I've done this this this..." If you are an
    empty vessel, please spare us.

9) Ungrateful...
    It's never enough to have a loving and understanding girlfriend. They like the thrill of having 3 affairs at the
    same time.

10) ....and foolish
    And they lose all 3 of them in the end.

Yet, for some reason, we still hang out with them.

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Still searching....

It has been good so far. I finally had the time to focus on other things than work. I no longer had to work on a spreadsheet till 2 am or on weekends. I no longer had to feel guilty going for a movie or a drink. I no longer dread heading to work or wishing that all my bosses would vaporise. Work, nowadays, stays within that official 8 hours. Anything beyond that, is allowed to be done the next day.

I am free to plan for movies. I am up for all the lastest screenings, until a point in time where I need to anticipate the next release. I had the time to attend fancy dinners. And not to mention heading to bars and clubs after that. I have changed my wardrobe. There are more fancy shoes and catchy outfits. I started to concentrate on my appearance. I've played with make ups and hair treatments. I've begun to take an interest in gardening as well. I can now do stuffs that I didn't have the time to do previously.

When I went back to my old place to meet up with my ex-colleagues, nothing has changed. It was the sense of familiarity that got me so attached to that place. The structure. The people. It feels just like home the moment I walked in. I was greeted with smiles. "Hey, come back laaa. We missed you." No doubt it was good to hear that, but I've not regretted leaving.

I know that place wasn't meant for me. So is this new one, regardless of how happy I am there. After 3 years of studies and 5 years of rewarding career, I have not gained that satisfaction that I thought I would achieve. No matter how many times I'd allowed myself the chance to try, I still do not see the point in what I'm doing. No purpose. No passion. I asked myself each day if this is really what I want. If this is really what I want to continue with for the rest of time.

The truth is, I have no absolute answer to that. I can't see what the future might hold for me. I do not know the best decision to be made. To be honest, I am still searching for vacancies. I believe that so long as I'm in this line, I will never find something that will truly satisfy me.Unless, of course, I have the guts to switch to another field. Which, most likely, be unlikely.

So all I can do at the moment is stay put and pray that miracle will happen one day.

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Secrets

In this movie, this physics nerd was experimenting electric waves on steel bars to generate a certain tune. God knows how he did it, and though I'm not a physics fan, the idea was awesome. Totally impressive. And the tune played was darn cool. The tune came from a song.

We stayed back after the end of the movie to catch the title of that song. Even after the last patrons have left and the cleaners were in to clean up the place, we still didn't get it. Maklum-lah, too many crews. The appreciation list went on forever. Giving up, we googled it instead.

The movie : Sorceror's Apprentice.
The song : Secrets by One Republic.
Nicholas Cage : Dashing.



We weren't the only ones waiting to catch the song title. There were others hanging around for it too. Yes, it is real good.

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First 2 weeks....

So, I've been here for 2 weeks....

The work load has been mounting each passing day. The previous fella didn't get anything straight. None of the problems were solved. Internally and externally. So there have been complaints coming in from every corner. I am here to fix things. One at a time. Or so I hope.

I have moved into my new room, although it still stinks with paint. Thus, I've used alot of air fresheners and blasting the air conditioning. I'm in the midst of preparing my pot of plant to be brought into my room. Can't find a suitable seed. But sadly, no, the room is not huge enough for me to have my own lounge in it, or even a mini bar.

Still getting adjusted to the new position and authority. I have brought in the way I used to work back at my old place. You know, something like when I want this report, I mean I want it NOW. And I don't tolerate excuses such as busy or too many things on hand. Back then, you are suppose to manage your own time accordingly. But at this place, they have no clue about urgency and stress. If you throw them more work, they'll give you this expression, "Huh? Another report? But I've already got ONE report on hand...." They'll get confused, disorientated and ended up lost. Something which I could not accept. Time to turn things around. My way!

Unlike back in those days where we speak in a common language and everyone works as part of a team, things are rather different here. I guess it's usual in the commercial line. Certain people never understood English. Or pretend not to understand. And, don't be surprised, mini war springs into full mode the moment you start your day. Conflicts. Disagreements. Hard feelings. Back stabbing. Politics. Two-faced. Fake smiles. If you bring up the GM, they bring up the BOD.

Been experiencing culture shocks. From where I came from, we mingle with the bosses. Here, people try NOT to mingle with the bosses. So I'm left in between wondering to mingle or not to mingle. Back then, 7 pm is when the office becomes alive. Dinners. Chats. Drinks. Games. Now? You'll be pressured not to leave by 7 pm.The lights are all out. Not a single soul will be around. They used to call me by my nick name. Now they call me by my surname. Damn! It's so formal.

I've established my own 'gang'. A clan. Well, I do need allies. Everyone does. They are my lunch mates and my gossiping mates. It's not easy to find people of the same age once you've ventured out. At least, they could provide some help in times of need. Although this might sound a little sampat, but I have my own phone! It's a scarce resource in the old days you know. We had to run around looking for one. Now I can be sure that when the phone rings, it will be someone looking for me. Me and only me.

It is indeed my first time out of a protected environment. It's everything on my own now. No more managers to cover me. No more directors to cover me. No more bosses to cover me. If you screw up means you screw up. It's everyone for their own mess.

Let's do see what happens in another 2 weeks.

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Perhentian Island

Seeing that we won't be having further Friday outings like we used to, the girls from my previous team came up with this idea to go to Langkawi initially. I honestly do not know what went wrong in between, we changed course to Perhentian island instead. And lucky we did.

Perhentian island, probably unknown to many 10 to 20 years back. Of course, it was Redang that has always been the more famous one, with its sandy beaches, vast corals and exotic marine life. As the years passed and the growing number of tourists load on Redang, the island had some what deteriorated. No more sandy beaches. No more vast corals. No more exotic marine life. "They" said it would be more enjoyable to head to Perhentian island instead. Not that polluted. And highly recommended by the tour agent. So off we go!

Out of the many packages, we opted for a 3D2N at Cozy Chalet on Perhentian Besar. The entire trip had cost less than RM 700, including RM180 for air flight tickets. The package was extensive, covering transportation to and fro the airport to the jetty (approx 1 hour), speedboat ride to and fro the island (approx 30 minutes), a tour guide to ferry you to the various snorkeling points, briefing for snorkeling, and every meals for 3 days.

Me and my girls were like little kids. Screaming and jumping at the sight of nemos and turtles. Whining and complaining at the not-so-posh accomodation. Got all excited at the sight of sharks. And not to mention, puking into the ocean. We didn't mean to pollute, but our tummies got uncomfortable and the waves made us dizzy, so we threw up while snorkeling...much to the delight of the fishes. Yuckie!!! I know.

The entire trip was all about snorkelings. No divings. No beach activities. No para-sailings what-so-ever. Even then, it was real tiring. We were already worn out by 9 pm. However, the underwater view at Perhentian had been magnificent. I know it couldn't be compared to other exotic islands, but from its on stand, boleh-lah. Ada corals, multi coloured ones. Ada fishes, multiple shapes and sizes. Ada turtles. Ada sharks. Ada clams. Ada "hoi sam". Apa-apa pun ada. Satisfactory.

We brought back more than the souveniers, the sceneries and the memeories of the time spent together. We brought back numerous wounds to the feet along with sun burns and stingy eyes from the salty sea water. And the addiction for more snorkelings. Yes, it is addictive. 3 days was just not enough to mingle more with nemos.

I simply love lying on the beach, under the palm trees, feeling the soft sea breeze on the skin and mesmerize myself on the countless stars spread across the night sky. Serene.

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When English was "polluted"

A vacancy posted up at an outlet window made me blinked twice and went, "What?"

First, I had no idea what that position would be. Second, I didn't even know such a position even existed.

Here's the ad I saw. You can laugh if you want to.

VACANCY

1) Account Exact

2) Graphic Designer

3) Driver

Please contact xxxxxxxx

Didn't get it? See again.

The standard of our English. Yes. Malaysia Boleh! 


*shakes head*

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First day...

New job. New position. New place. New colleagues. New room.

Yeaps. I'm particularly excited about the last one. And I'm even provided with a new laptop. Shucks! Thought I could ditch carrying one around after all these years.

Anyhow, first day...already been slapped with tonnes of work. Meetings. Meetings. Meetings. Discussions. Discussions. Discussions. Reports. Reports. Reports.

Challenging. That's where the fun lies.

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A little painting

Out of boredom, I have gone up to Bukit Tinggi for a day's tour. Honestly, there isn't much to do there. Other than the rabbits and the horses. And since I am no longer 12, so rabbits and horses didn't interest me much either.

Anyhow, I was at the French village, Colmar Tropicale, and came across this clay painting store. The sculptures were so adorable that I couldn't resist buying a couple back to work on. After all, I got all the time in the world. Hah! So for RM10 a piece, I started my painting.

From the Pokemon series.

Pikachu and Jigglypuff.

The tools.

I haven't done any painting for the past decade. So after 3 hours of mixing colours and fiddling with the paint brush, I'd finally completed painting a miserable set of Pokemon sculptures.

Ta-daaa.

Say hi to my Pikachu.

Pardon me if the colouring looks rather cacat. I memang suck at art.

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In the name of charity

A spring cleaning activity done a couple of months back saw these lying in the corner of my storeroom. Dating back to the 1990s when I was a tween and then a teen.

My all time favourites. Which I read for countless times.

My Hadi boys' collection. Incomplete.

The horror collection. Which was not scary, after all.

The famous lady.

Children's classics.

These were very good. But I just grew out of it.

Although I hate to part with them, but they still got to go. So I went looking for someone who would appreciate them. First thought was to donate them to my primary school. But they were too rich to accept donations, so my books got rejected. It's your loss!

Another thought was to sell them to second hand book stores. But they didn't accept much children's story books either. Another loss!

An advertisement for a jumbo sale in the papers caught my attention. Hospis Malaysia, a centre here in Cheras for palliative care. They are seeking donations of any kind for a jumbo sale to raise funds to help patients with life-limiting illnesses and their families.

For a worthy cause, I gathered my books and some clothes and drop them off at their centre in Taman Sri Bahtera. It was a good feeling. Although I have no idea who might buy my books, or how the funds received would be used, at least, I've done a little bit for charity. To lend a hand to people in need.

In case anyone would like to donate anything or anyone who is interested to attend the jumbo sale, which is on 31 July 2010, here's the website for further information : http://www.hospismalaysia.org/

Bye bye books! May you end up in good hands.

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Was it right? Or was it wrong?

Often, the many decisions we make, there is no absolution on whether it's right or it's wrong. Many times, it's a gamble. Not knowing what lies ahead, not knowing what the outcome would be, we make the best estimation possible, put our best foot forward and follow our hearts. It is not until a certain time where our decisions have been 'judged', did we fall into the categories of regret or gratitude. No one is spared.

When you've picked the chicken burger over the vege salad, was it the right choice or the wrong one?
When you've decided to walk rather than hiring a cab, was it the right choice or the wrong one?
When you've hung out with your guy instead of your girl friends, was it the right choice or the wrong one?
When you've wanted to splurge rather than save up, was it the right choice or the wrong one?
When you've given up your job to be with your family, was it the right choice or the wrong one?
When you've gotten yourself caught in debts over that new property, was it the right choice or the wrong one?
When you've decided to leave everything behind and migrate overseas, was it the right choice or the wrong one?
When you've delayed having a baby over that new job promotion, was it the right choice or the wrong one?

How much time have we spent contemplating each move? Taking into account every pros and cons. Listing them down. Soughting advices from acquaintances. Flipping the coin. Talking to God. And "Ah hah!" Finally. I will go with the burger today.

How often did we tell ourselves that we have made the right choice, only to fidget and re-think that maybe we, in fact, made the wrong move? Of course it won't matter much if it's a burger or a salad. Cause you could always pick the salad tomorrow if you didn't picked it today. But would you be able to buy another property tomorrow when you've realised that you'd bought the wrong one today?

Decisions. So many have been afraid of  the aftermath that follows. Afraid that it will lead us to the unexpected. A twist in the events that precautions have not been made. Many have heard themselves expressing, "Sigh! I shouldn't have done this. I should have opted for the other alternative instead". And it is from these that others took reasonable precautions. Afraid of muttering the exact same words themselves. Not intending to follow the footsteps of those caught in the dilemma.

Yet, it is something that couldn't be avoided. You, somehow, still got to decide on something each passing day. There is no way that you could have known if the decisions made today were the right ones or the wrong ones for the coming future. People changed. Events changed. Circumstances changed. Perceptions changed. There's a possibility that you might not be the person you are today 10 years later, so let alone the decisions made.

We plan. We consider. We look into all aspects. And we just hope for the best. Hope that it was, indeed, the right move. Even if it was the wrong one later on, we would still hope that the effects will not be that severe. That the corrective measures were sufficient to make right the wrongs.

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Competitions

I seriously hate competitions. Not competitions as in contests. But competitions as in people competing with each other on any matter, be it education, career, accessories, wealth, travel, friends, anything!

I see it as pointless. You compete with your relatives. You compete with your firiends. You compete with your neighbours. You compete with your colleagues. Okay, may be I'm a little weird. Or may be I'm just not that competitive. Not that ambitious. I don't get it when someone starts to whine and whine over 10As instead of 11As that her friend scored. Isn't 10As good enough? You'd still get that scholarship. You'd still get into that prestigious university. You'd still be highly regarded by your future employer. You'd still be highly paid. So why all the whining? Why all the jealousy?

A friend has once told me that it's good to compete. "When you compete, you will try your best to win. And to do that, you will improve. Even if you don't win, it will make you a better person. Competition is a good thing, in a certain way". I had agreed with him at first. But along the way, I realised that I totally hated it. I can be a competitive person. But not with people around me, it will be with my own self. I don't out-do the person beside me for that promotion, I'll out-do myself in order to acheive that.

Yes, I can't deny that I do make comparisons with my peers in regards to where I stand. But that's just about it. To move forward, I'll see what is it that I'm lacking and I work on it. I perfectly understand that not everyone could obtain the same results. May be someone got luckier. Maybe someone was smarter. May be someone worked harder. May be someone has got the right connections. It doesn't always mean that you are at the losing end just because you weren't as good as the other person. May be to the other person, you are the source of envy.

I just dun understand why people fail to see that. Wake up and smell the air! Life is never perfect. No matter how hard you compete, no matter how jealous you could be, if things weren't meant to be yours than it wouldn't be. So why waste all that time feeling bad? Learn to make the best out of what you have. Learn to compete with, not others, but yourself. If you win, then you really have something to celebrate about.

I just don't give a damn if you got that huge diamond ring on your finger. I don't even like diamonds. If you know what I mean.

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Jobless? Oh No!!!

As most of you know, I quit my previous employment without a new one. When people found out, they went "What?? WHY???" You know. The very shock-unbelievable look. Everyone. From the security guard to the butcher at the market to the neighbours to the relatives to friends to senior management in large corporations.

The next questions running through their minds (from the next look that they portrayed), "Is there something wrong with her?", "Was she laid off?", "Did she screw up her last assignment?", "Did she do something very wrong?". It was easier to deal with the non-corporate people. I just got to act a little reckless. As with all young adults these days. "Well, I hated the job. So I left." "Nah, I wanted to take a break". "They weren't paying me very well...and it was stressful. So I took off." There. They are satisfied. Or they pretended to be satisfied. Enough to keep them from pestering me further.

It's those people in the large corporations that I needed the extra effort to explain myself. "What have you been doing all this time that you are unemployed?" "Why are you so confident that you could obtain another employment in such a short time?" "How did you survived, since you have no income?" "How did you upgrade yourself within the profession, since you have not been updated for the past months?"

I got fed-up answering them after a while. No. I actually got fed-up with the way society perceive unemployed people. It's like being a criminal. Being judged negatively. Is it so wrong to be unemployed? It's not like I wanted to stay unemployed for the rest of my life. This is just temporarily. Even if it's the case, who the hell are you to tell me that I can't? Malaysians are somewhat narrow minded. If you have no job, then you are doomed. How are you going to continue living?

Do bear in mind that in the west, this is a common phenomenon. It's not an unusual thing for professionals to take a year off to participate in volunteer projects or to learn a new skill. Mind you, it's professionals! A year off! I'm only off a few months and all the hassle has crept up. Just because this is unheard off here doesn't mean it's not been done before. And it's not wrong! Definitely not!

I was upset with all the comments before. But now, I've decided to let them all pass. No point arguing. No point trying to make them all see otherwise. I know I'm not in the wrong. The job didn't suit and I'm looking for the one that does. Simple as that. Nothing so complicated. I'm not worried either so I don't need you to worry on my behalf.

I don't intend to rush into things, so I'm taking my time in deciding. Yea, I've been labelled as fussy. But hey, this is my life man. Of course I choose the best for myself. Wouldn't you do the same? So quit coming to me every other day and go, "Hey, still no job yet?"

Spare me.

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Bored to the bones

It's already 4 months! I have initially allowed myself 1 month. The max 2. But look at where am I now. Still at home, reading books of 600 pages each week along with hot hot strawberry teas. Borders have become my most frequent hangout. Although it's been pretty cool to wake up at 11am each day and laze on the couch with my books in tow, it can be pretty daunting waiting for the phone to ring, with good news on the other end.

To keep myself from thinking yang bermacam-macam, I have come up with bermacam-macam ideas to keep myself occupied:


1) Join Amazing Race Asia
2) Participate in Miss Astro Chinese International
3) Help out at a fried chicken stall
4) Tryout for Air Asia cabin crew
5) Become a personal assistant to some local celebrity
6) Turn my blog into a money making machine

Although I'm more in favour of the last idea, but nah, it's not going to work when there are thousands of other bloggers out there competing to be the next Kenny Sia. If I had thought about that 10 years ago, it would be an entirely different story. But now, all you need to do is learn ABC, write something about your pet goldfish or the frog by the pond and you'll be featured on Nuffnang. I'll pass.

And yeah, they are just ideas. None to be put into action. So, I guess I shall just get back to my books then. And pray that the phone will ring real soon.

Wish me luck!

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An unblissful marriage

She made a wrong decision.

Looking back 30 years ago, she knew she shouldn't have walked down that aisle. She had been pretty then. Long dark hair, smooth fair skin, shy and demure. But age was catching up. She had rejected a marriage proposal from a merchant a couple of years back as she thought she was of no match to him. He came from the city and highly educated. She grew up in a small rural town with not much education. She had looked down on herself.

She finally settled for this man who went after her. He was not really her type. He was a layman who was brought up without much parental guidance. He didn't have the charms nor the personality that she preferred in a life long partner. But he had treated her well. He had treated her with respect. And he was a responsible man. So she gave him her hand to marriage. It seemed to be the only choice she had if she didn't want to be laughed at for still being single at 30.

She had had her expectations of him. She had had her demands. It was the only way she'd feel that the marriage was worth it. She wanted to make sure she didn't make the wrong move. She wanted something to boast back to the relatives. She wanted to be looked up upon. She didn't liked his family, so they bought a decent home in the city and moved in. She wanted him to work up the career ladder. But he was not an ambitious man. He'd rather spend time with the boys over soccer. She was furious with him when he didn't take that promotion which could provide them a better life. She was furious whenever he was back late with liquor stench all over him.

She had a little tinge of regret. Maybe it was really a wrong move. But she couldn't bear the thought of a divorce. She needed a man to rely on. And no one would want a married woman. She couldn't bear the sight of society looking down on her. A little hope came when her baby girl arrived. She could put all her expectations on this baby to make her proud. She would nourish this girl to be what she couldn't be herself. She named her Ann.

Things got alot better with the birth of Ann. She got all the attention she desired. Her baby girl had been adorable. Everyone was of praise to her. Even her husband had changed. He'd quit his night out with the boys. He'd quit drinking. He turned into a doting daddy to Ann. He worked hard to provide for the family. He finally got that much desired promotion. They bought a more spacious vehicle. Ann was everything to them now. She could see her life getting some where.

Her little girl grew up bubbly and healthy. She was a pretty little thing, resembled so much of her. She wanted the best for Ann. She got her into an expensive private school. Enrolled her into piano, ballet and arts. Hired a nanny to care for her every need. She watched her baby every step of the way. She would grow up to be successful. Her baby would make her proud one day. And she did. Ann scored the perfect grades in school. Got a scholarship to study law. Active in sports. And all the while, sweet and obedient.

She hadn't plan for this one day to come. Her husband quit his job out of rage. He had stayed at home since. Watching sports on ESPN all day. She had blamed him for causing their savings to run dry. She was furious at him for not taking any initiatives to get another job. She got mad when he didn't help with house chores after they let go of the nanny. She had to continue to work to support the family even though she had planned to retire in a year's time. She threw her tempers at him. Calling him a useless rat who depended on her when it should be otherwise. She'd slam the doors. Gave him the cold shoulder. Talked to him in a rude way. She complained to Ann, saying that she was disgusted with him. And that she was fed-up. She hadn't want to put up with him any longer. Ann had remained silent each time.

Ann had came up to her one fine morning. Ann had told her she didn't want to practise law anymore. She wanted to pursue further with arts instead, her true interest. She had screamed in her daughter's face, "What is in your head? How could you throw off everything? Art is useless. It's only good for a hobby. You can't survive with it!". Ann had been insistent. She felt her world came tumbling down. Ann had already dropped law way before. She didn't ask for her permission, she was merely informing her. How could her sweetie do this? All her hopes were gone. All her efforts all these years gone. All gone. Why is all this happening? Can't both of them see the rational behind her plans? It was for their own good.

An ambulance was called up. She had fainted. They'd rushed her to the hospital. Ann had given her another heart breaking news. It was all too much for her. She wouldn't be that mother-in-law that she'd dreamed of. She wouldn't be the grandma that she'd desired. Ann had persistently informed her another time that she wouldn't want to be married. Ann loved her single life and she would spend her days travelling around, while indulging in her arts. "Are you nuts? You are a girl. You need to be married and have a family. You don't want to be a spinster!" "No mum!", Ann had yelled back. "Everything is what you wanted it to be. I never wanted to be married. Just like I never wanted to study law! It was all for you. Not mine!" Ann had stormed out of the house. Her baby had screamed at her. It was all too much to bear.

Ann looked at her mum on the hospital bed. She saw the wrinkles and the worn out face. Her mum had lost weight. She knew her mum had worked hard. She knew her mum had tried to fix everything. She knew that her mum hadn't been entirely satisfied with the family. Her mum had thought she could deserve better from the very start. She knew her mum had regretted walking down the aisle with her dad. He was not the guy she really fell in love with. Although he had, most of the time, did everything he could to keep her happy. She was too absorbed by her own emotions that she failed to realise that her family were humans too. They have their own desires and dreams. They couldn't do what she had wanted all the time. She kept focusing on their weakness that she turned a blind eye to the strengths in them. At least her dad did not cheat on her. He didn't abuse the family. He was there for her whenever she needed him. Yes, he was lazy but it was not really a serious crime. He had fix the leaking tap all the time. He had meddle with the fuis box. He had fix her car when ever it broke down. He drew up their insurance plans. Didn't all these count?

Ann hadn't try to break her mum's heart. She didn't want to argue with her either. She wanted to succeed in her own way. In a way that she was happy. Not by others doing. Her mum had failed to see this. She had never been able to talk to her mum. Everytime she wanted to ask for an advise or a support, her mum had put her down. Her mum had always instructed rather than adviced. She didn't think her mum understood her at all. She never did anything wrong. She was never into drugs. She never dropped out of school. Her grades had been one of the best. She didn't fool around. Like the way with her dad, her mum was never satisfied. No matter how good they were, her mum was never satisfied.

She had given up all hope. Everything was not what she wanted it to be. She felt like nothing is hers any longer. She doesn't look at her husband anymore. She doesn't talk much to Ann anymore. They can go their own ways. She will go hers. They can do what ever they wanted. She won't step out of the house that often. She's afraid the neighbours might gossip and she had nothing fancy to boast about her family. She's ashamed of the family. She will do her part. She will no longer bother about the rest. Her husband can continue to watch ESPN till the day he dies. Ann can go where ever she wishes. Just that she won't be supporting her from now on. It's the way it's going to be now.

She deeply regretted ever getting married to him. If only she had more guts back then to agree to that city merchant. Her life would have been great. She heard he had migrated, with a business empire that would last for the next 50 decades. She had the chance to be rich and happy. She had blew it all away. And now she was stuck in this unblissful place. A place where she didn't really want to be.

She had only made that one wrong decision.......

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